A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the song; I just make stuff up with them. Without further ado, enjoy!
Once again, I sank down onto my bed, burying myself under my covers, missing Edward; the love of my life that sang me to sleep all those nights, and also my favorite pillow. He was also the vampire who still holds the pieces of my broken heart even though he left to try and protect me after my disastrous eighteenth birthday.
My tears run down like razor blades, I know I'm not the one to blame. It's you…or is it me?
'Don't do it' my mind pleaded with me to no avail. What would it matter? I'd still wake in the middle of the night from a horrible dream screaming without him there, so what was so bad about remembering those last words?
He looked out into the distance when we'd stopped walking into the woods behind my house. He seems uncomfortable, like he didn't know what to say. When Edward finally found his voice, everything seemed unreal.
"And all the words we never say come out and now we're all ashamed. There's no sense in playing games when you've done all you can do…" He paused, glancing over at me. I wasn't sure what my face was showing him; I didn't know what he was getting at. Was he referring to the Jasper incident? No, he couldn't be. I forgave Jasper before I even left the house that night.
"But it's over…it's over…" Edward trailed off; the meaning of his words slowly started to sink into my brain.
"Why is it over?"
"We had the chance to make it. Now it's over…it's over…" His face was a blank slate, closed to everyone but himself. Not even his eyes betrayed any emotion to me.
'It can't be over…' I thought to myself.
I wish that I could take it back…
'I lose myself in all these fights, I lose my sense of wrong and right; I cry, I cry.-September 13, 2005'
Yes, I knew very well when I wrote that I couldn't cry. But if I had the ability to cry as a vampire, every tear would be for her; my angel, my love, my Bella.
This journal was the only remembrance that I kept of her aside from the memories that would forever haunt me now.
And shaking from the pain inside my head, I just wanna crawl inside my bed, and throw away the life I've led.
My life was nothing without Bella; a night sky. Sure, there were the stars, my points of light and reason but that was it. Then like a meteor, Bella flew across my sky and blinded me with her brilliance and her ability to love a monster like me.
'Don't think about her,' I told myself. 'A few more months, check on her, make sure she'ds ok, and then go. Leave like you should have long ago; leave your love for her.'
'But I won't let it die…but I won't let it die…' I though as I remembered back to the day that I lost my heart, my soul existence.
"But it's over…it's over…" I finally met her gaze.
"Why is it over?" she questioned me in a small, confused voice. Her voice was trying to hide her pain, but her beautiful brown eyes told me everything I needed to know.
"We had the chance to make it. Now it's over…it's over…" I composed my face to have no facial expression, but my mind screamed to her, 'PROVE ME WRONG BELLA! CALL MY BLUFF!' But, she didn't, and I let myself sink into the numbness that was consuming where my once beating heart had been just a few moments ago.
'It's over…it can't be over…I wish that I could take it back. I'm fallin' apart…'
I'm fallin' apart don't say this won't last forever. You're breaking my heart…
'You're breaking my heart; don't tell me that we will never be together. We could be over and over!' my mind pleaded to her. 'Call me a liar, Bella. Please.'
'We could be forever…it's not over.' I thought inside my head. I'll always love you.
'IT'S NOT OVER!' my mind screamed. What was it that Alice said to me?
'It's not over unless you let it take you, Edward.' Alice was right; I'd always love Bella and the pain in her eyes, the pain that I caused was cutting me deeper than my own.
'It's not over, It's not over' I was repeating it inside my head like it was my personal mantra.
'It's not over unless you let it break you, Bella. Don't let it break you. Tell me I'm wrong; tell me I'm a liar! Damn it Bella...tell me you love me and never want me to leave.' My mind pleaded as my last act.
"It's not over." I whispered to myself, barely audible to my own ears, hoping with every fiber of my being that by some impossible chance that she heard me. But, she didn't. Bella was just staring at me, her beautiful eyes piercing me with her pain. I gave her a light kiss, barely brushing her forehead with my lips whispering my final words.
"Be safe." Then I ran; I ran leaving behind with her my love, my life, my heart, my soul, and my existence.
review even though it's a piece of crap please?