A/N: Aha! It's a new fic! :3 It's M because I'm paranoid and don't know where to put it…it's sort of in between, see… xD But here you go! I had fun with this first chappie, so I hope you like it. X3 Please review if you do?

I don't own Naruto, but…I do have a coin with Naruto's head on it. -nod nod-


Hello Lovely, I Hate You


Honestly, the day hadn't started out so well either… So what if he'd played loud music the night before? His landlord didn't have to yell at him for that. Jashin, what a prick. Okay, so Mindless Self Indulgence did tend to swear some in their songs, but it didn't get too much worse than 'you fucking bitch'…well, much. Hell, Hidan said worse. Way fucking worse…in fact, he'd said worse that morning when he'd explained to his landlord that he didn't appreciate him bitching about the music.

Which, of course, had gotten him evicted.

Who knew that the landlord was such a prude? Geez, how stupid…

So now he was loading his life into his car, grumbling about it all the way, and having absolutely no idea where he was going next. Wasn't that just glorious…? Ugh. He crammed more junk into the backseat, and heard a crunch of something fragile breaking. Damn it. Well, it looked like he was going to have to go shopping for some new bowls too, after browsing for a new apartment. If he could even find an open one…

"Maybe I'll move to the wilderness where nobody can piss me off. Yeah, that's it… I can turn my music up as damn fucking loud as I want it to be…!"

"Hey, you better get out soon, because when I say you're gone, you are gone!"

Oh, so now the bloody landlord had come to prod him even more. Yeah, you just LOVE to make my life Hell. How far up your ass do you have that stick?!

"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving." He muttered through gritted teeth, trying to restrain from going off on him. No, no, wait. Who the fuck cared anymore if he cursed like a sailor?!

If you're gonna get evicted, Hidan, at least do it with some pizzazz.

"You know what, you motherfucking bastard?" He began, ready to let loose all the raging fire he was curdling in his soul.

"What did you just say to me, young man?"

"Ha, yes. You noticed. Good! Cuz I've got something to fucking tell you!"


"UP YOURS!" Hidan shouted, and triumphantly flashed his middle finger before hopping behind his steering wheel and speeding off.

Good fucking riddance.

Ahh, that felt good.

Jacking up the CD's volume, he sang along to every word.


Royally pissed, high on the reward of happiness from standing up to that bastard, and rocking out like he was actually in the mosh pit, Hidan wasn't paying attention at all to where he was going. Several pedestrians and squirrels almost fell victim to his erratic driving, but he was too oblivious to the world to notice. He felt liberated; he felt like he was officially on his own now. Not a damn person could tell him what to do.

Well, except his boss at the CD shop where he worked, but he was nice. One of the few nice people in the world… Technically, there was Zetsu too, his co-worker and basically only friend…


"Oh…shit?" Hidan exclaimed, startled by a sudden jolt of impact. "Ohh. Shit!"

He'd hit another car. Only enough to crumple the bumper, but when the other driver emerged, there was clear loathing in his movement.

What the hell was he wearing, though? A mask? Dude, what was he, a yakuza criminal or something?

Jashin save me. I've run into a hit man.

Or maybe he'd just been watching too many late night action movies and scarfing down too much microwavable popcorn.

But anyway, the dude had already reached Hidan's window, and there was definite scorn in his eyes. Oddly made very nervous, (and that didn't happen often) he gulped as he rolled down his window.

"Um. Hi." Hidan said, "It's a great day for a drive, isn't it…?"

"You unobservant, reckless idiot."

Eh. He couldn't disagree with that…because it was true.

The man went on, "You're paying for the repair. And you will not argue, because I do not waste my money on things like people who can't drive properly running into my car. Where do you live? You're taking me there and you're going to pay me."

Snippy little thing, wasn't he? Not little, though, because he was actually really tall. Crazy tall. And really fucking intimidating, too. Which was why Hidan didn't protest so much yet. What's wrong with me? "Uh, see, about that…"

"Didn't you hear? You're paying for it. Ugh, why do I always get the stupid ones…?"

Okay, that was enough.

"Yo ,I'm not an idiot! And I can fucking hear you just fine and dandy… Yeah. Fine and fuckin' dandy!"

Jashin, this prick had to have been taking lessons from his landlord…so annoying.

That received a degrading look. "What a mouth you've got. Regardless, take me to your house and we'll discuss it."

Everything was like a business to him…straight and to the point.


"Well, how lucky for me that I got evicted just now." Hidan quipped, "Because I can tell you don't like me, and frankly I hate you too. So, if you want money, I can…ah, shit. Um…" He looked up, regretting his snapping when he remembered he was sort of not getting paid until three more days. "Umm…I have…twenty…dollars…?"

"And you said you're not an idiot…" He groaned, but stopped. "Eh, sorry. I'm not in the best mood today."

Sheepishly, Hidan grinned. "So you'll let me go?"

"Um, no. I want money for this damage!"

"Well, I don't fucking have any…"

"But…" He was visibly struck by an idea.

And Hidan was scared, because this dude made him feel weird. That never happened to him… Bleh, he hated this person to death, for Jashin's sake…

"You need a place to stay, right?"

His car wasn't going to cut it forever, so… "Yeah…"

"Damn it, I'm going to regret it, but here's the deal. You can come with me, stay at my place, and pay me off. Basically, I'll give you a room but you'll do everything I say."

What a crack-headed idea…


"Well, I'm not going to let you just leave me with this giant dent. So, I'll make you repay me this way."

"You can't fucking kidnap me, dude!"

A smirk rested in his eyes now. He knew he had Hidan trapped. "What's worse, living in your tiny car or in a house, even if you have to work for me?"


"I hate you."

"I knew you'd see it my way…" He smirked, and reached a hand through the open window, offering it to shake. "So hello, new servant. I'm Kakuzu. Nice to meet you."


Meanwhile, the CD's final track was working its way through, almost to the end.

It played, "Reginald, release the hounds!"

Hidan considered them released. Housework and shit…he never ever did that.

I'm gonna die, aren't I?

And technically, it was all because his fucking landlord didn't appreciate fine music.