Akumu: Yo it's me again. I did this purely out of boredom while my friend was over.
Green Tea: That's me.
Akumu: Forewarning all my friends have funky nicknames. Well my friend and I were just watching tv and we decided to write this.
Green Tea: It's about the Akatsuki and truth or dare with implied mpreg and yaoi pairings and het pairings. Which neither Akumu nor I have the pleasure of saying we own. :(
Akumu: Thank you for that G.T. Well then enjoy the fic.
The Weirdest day in Akatsuki History
One day in the Akatsuki it was oddly quiet. Everyone was in the living room doing something different. Pein was nodding of in the chair in the corner with his girlfriend, Konan, sleeping in his lap. Tobi was asleep like a cat a Zetzu's feet. Zetzu was eating an encyclopedia quietly so not to wake the person at his feet. Itachi was on the couch painting his nails…again. Kisame was playing a handheld video game with the sound turned of so as not to be yelled at. Deidara and Sasori were both working on their artwork. And Kakuzu and Hidan were cuddled up in front of the television asleep. And August was sitting with Clay counting the money they had earn working in their little teashop.
"I have to go to the bathroom" August said out loud. Konan jerked awake and looked at August with sleep still evident in her eyes.
"Coming" Konan said getting up. She woke up everyone else in the room when she tripped over Kisame. She apologized as she and August ran down the hallway
"Zetzu-san, Tobi is bored" Tobi said stretching.
Zetzu's black half said "Yeah it is a boring day, what should we do?" His white half came back with "I vote we play some sort of game"
"Yeah, un" Deidara said putting away his clay "We should play 'blow up that tree'"
"No, I say we play worship Jashin." Hidan said his eyes still closed lying on Kakuzu's chest.
"No" Kakuzu said stroking Hidan's hair while Hidan purred like a kitten.
"We are going to play truth or dare." Said August in a tone of such finality that even Pein couldn't argue. She looked around the room and said "okay good. I'll go first" she looked around again "Hmm… everyone needs to get in a circle first."
Every one found a place but it took awhile because Hidan didn't want to let go of the warmth of Kakuzu's body and Kisame wouldn't put down the video game.
"Okay are we ready" August said with a death glare that could match Itachi's. They all nodded in fear. "Good. Clay truth or dare?" August asked her boyfriend
"Uh… dare." He whispered. He was a shy boy and he hoped since they were dating she'd go easy on him.
She didn't "I dare you to strip to your underwear, stand up and sing 'A Spoonful of Sugar'." Everyone was just staring. He obediently did as he was told. He sang along to August's Ipod while everyone but Kakuzu, Hidan and Tobi laughed. Tobi was trying to figure out why this was funny, while Kakuzu was trying to wake up a sleeping Hidan (again).
After he had redress it was the blushing Clay's turn to ask someone. "Hidan truth or dare?" he asked a half asleep Hidan.
"Truth" mumbled Hidan
Clay thought for a moment and finally came up with "Why are you so tired lately?" Everybody whispered around the circle, apparently they all wanted to know also.
"'m pregnant" muttered Hidan still half asleep. Everybody, even Kakuzu, stared at him in utter shock. Kakuzu gently shook Hidan awake again. He looked around the room at everyone staring at him.
"Congratulations!!" Konan and August said simultaneously hugging Hidan.
"What the fuck?" Hidan said at the girls hanging of him
"We can't believe-" said August
"You're pregnant." Finished Konan
"What? How did you find out I hadn't even told 'Kuzu." Said a flustered Hidan
"Why didn't you tell me?" Asked Kakuzu
"I was scared." Hidan said averting his eyes from the man next to him.
"Okay it's your turn" Clay said trying to change the subject
"Okay, um… Konan truth or dare?" Hidan said from his place curled up in Kakuzu's lap
"Hm… dare, I guess" Konan shrugged
"I dare you to work a whole week in August's shop." Hidan said as he started to fall asleep again
"What?! I hate that shop. No offense." Konan said at the murderous look on August's face.
"To bad it's your dare." Hidan muttered almost asleep
"Fine" she spat back "Kakuzu truth or dare?" Konan said to the man holding his sleeping boyfriend
"Truth" Kakuzu said staring Konan straight in the eye
"Uh have you ever worn women's underwear?" Konan asked an evil glint in her eye
"No" Kakuzu said defiantly Konan accepted it though "Deidara, truth or dare?" Kakuzu asked
"Uh… dare" Deidara said
"Okay I dare you to kiss August's boyfriend full on the mouth" Kakuzu said
"What?!" said August and Deidara in unison while Clay just blushed
"That be funny" August giggled and Konan joined in.
"No way!" Deidara yelled
"You have to" Konan said hugging Pein's arm
"Fine" He muttered. Deidara got up walked over and kissed Clay full on the lips. Sasori's eyes shone with jealousy as Konan and August giggled. "Okay Sasori-danna truth or dare?"
"Dare" Sasori said in a monotone
"uh… I don't know what to do" Deidara said and they all cringed when they heard a crash
"Do this…" August whisper something in his ear
"Bring in here the thing that's causing all the noise. Wait… don't…" Deidara looked frightened as Sasori went out to get what ever was out there.
A few minutes later Sasori came back with a bleeding three year old girl in his arms. She had a cut on her forehead.
"Sasori what did you do to Dei? She's bleeding" Deidara said standing up and taking the little girl into his arms. She was crying silently
"Momma th- the table f-fell." Dei sobbed "Daddy took the leg o-off my head."
"Come on lets go clean you up" Deidara said walking out of the room with the red headed little girl
"Momma?" August said
"Daddy?" Konan asked
"Sasori what aren't you telling us?" Asked Pein as Deidara came back into the room carrying in Dei who now had a bandage on her head.
"Deidara had a baby girl on a mission three years ago. Her name is Dei and yes I am her father." Sasori deadpanned
"So Deidara's actually a girl." Said Kisame finally looking up from his game.
"No he isn't it was just something that we didn't know could happen." Said Sasori "Tobi truth or dare?"
"Truth" Tobi said gleefully
"Who are you REALLY under that mask?" asked Sasori
"Madara Uchiha" Tobi said taking the mask off "Zetzu truth or dare" Tobi/Madara said in a monotone
"Tru-" White Zetzu started "Dare" his black side said
"I dare you to slap Pein across the face." Tobi/Madara said
"Yes" Black Zetzu said as he got up and slapped Pein "that was fun" black Zetzu laughed "I'm sorry" white Zetzu said "Truth or dare Kisame"
"Truth" said Kisame not looking up from his game
"Do you want kids" white Zetzu asked keeping black Zetzu quiet
"No more for a while. One is enough. Who knew a 3 month old could yell so loud. Must be an Uchiha gene." Kisame said all this not paying attention to what he was saying or seeing the blush creeping up Itachi's face.
"You have a kid?" asked Pein
"What?" Kisame asked "Itachi what did I say?"
"You told them about Kain." Itachi managed to say
"Whoops, well truth or dare?" Kisame asked
Itachi shot him a death glare but said "dare"
"I dare you to introduce Kain to the entire Akatsuki." Kisame went back to playing his game.
Itachi walked out of the room muttering. When he came back in the room he was no longer muttering but taking in baby talk to a baby wrapped in a purple blanket. He introduced Kain to everyone. "Okay Pein truth or dare?" Itachi said hugging Kain close to him muttering 'momma's here momma's here.'
Pein gave Itachi a weird look before saying "truth"
"Is it true you and Konan have twins?" Asked Itachi
"Yes," muttered Pein as Konan stood up to get them "they are Shizuko and Ryoku" he said pointing to each twin in turn.
"Okay last one August, truth or dare?" Pein asked
"Dare" said August
"I dare you to take off you cloak and shirt." Pein said with a smirk
"Okay" said August with a smirk to rival Pein's. She took of her clock and over-shirt to revel a cami.
"Damn." Said Pein making the three, three year olds jump and making Kain cry
After August's little stunt everyone left leaving Konan and August alone to gossip.
Thank you for reading, please review we put a lot of work into it.