Xatu Ok, durring the break, we will focus on something else for a while. Right now, it's one question. What do people think about you in public?
Wailord (M) Everyone asks me if I did or will have sex with a Skitty. WTF? The only orifice large enough for… yeah… is it's mouth, and… it's like a human raping a spider, it's gonna get crushed to death.
Metagross You're only, at the most, 900 pounds. That's not too heavy… I guess you can crush it to death, but… pokemon don't get crushed so easily.
Metagross I saw a Snorlax crush a Houndour, and the dog suffered no fatal or permanent damage. Even though Snorlax is half a ton.
Wailord Wait, a 6ft Snorlax is heavier than a 50ft Wailord, like myself?
Metagross Uh… Yeah. I'm actually heavier than you too.
Wailord What about real whales?
Metagross 50ft long Humpack Whales are 40tons. And a Jersey cow is heavier than you.
Wailord The world's largest damn pokemon is lighter than a cow? A COW!!
Xatu Moving on…
Anakin (Pikachu) I have to use a booster seat in the car. And not the kid sized, the baby sized. There's only one that has flames, and it was about Smokey the Bear. I decided to get a black one and paint it over.
Magcargo Whenever I walk down the road… I create potholes. Whenever I walk on the lawn, the grass catches on fire. Whenever I swim… I drown… until the water evaporates. Why is that?
Gardevoir Because I look like a human, people think I'm a person with vitiligo.
Andrew Everyone near us are like 'Is she albino?' 'I think she's albino' 'She's hot.' Wait, what would an albino Gardevoir look like?
Gardevoir (pause) Michael Jackson?
My zippers bust, my femur breaks
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I break down
I've got more chins than Asiatown
Well, I've never used a toll booth
And I've never clipped my toes
When I'm goin' to the theater
I take up seven hoes
Because I'm fat, I'm fat…
Swalot That's his day job, bragging about his weight, like any other American.
Snorlax I'm Asian.
Gengar Yeah, just look at his eyes. Wait, anime eyes are huge but Asian eyes are small… WHAT KIND OF TWISTED WORLD IS THIS?!
Porygon Z People think I will give them seizures. Some people call me pornygon, the pervert that lives in hyperspace. Well, at least my friend cheers me up.
Xatu What friend?
Porygon Z MissingNo..
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Xatu Sorry about that, we were Expiezing technical Difficuulties. But wes are sure thatz verE Un… Damn ziT! MissingNo.! Yu vill Diez!
Ditto I get run over by cars all the time, but since I have no organs or skeletons, I don't care. In fact, I like getting flattened. It's fun. Don't do it, you might die.
Unown (T) Little children like poking out my eye. My only eye that I have.
Claydol (Staring at Unown) Uh…
Unown What is it?
Claydol How do you eat?
Claydol You have no… mouth.
Unown Look at you.
Claydol Uh… Do we even eat anything?
Registeel Everyone calls me a nazi, and I don't know why.
Xatu Wait, I didn't know Andrew had a Registeel.
Registeel Oh no, we're just friends. No one owns me. Besides… uh, I'm also here for other… reasons. (Sees Gardevoir) Hey baby! When you got it, flaunt it!
Andrew GET AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!
Registeel Oh, sorry. (Sees Blissey) Hey baby…
Registeel I'm not a fXXXing nazi!
Alakazam Say I want to go into a shop, looking for new spoons. I go to the cash register and I ask if they are on sale. The cashier 'I'll look it up sir.' I say 'I'm a woman! Well, I'm a female Alakazam… I know, I have a mustache… but at least it's short.' Then the cashier says 'You're a female? Oh, it makes sense, you don't have a penis.'
Swampert Everyone cares about Mudkips. No one gives a crap about me. 'I herd u like mudkips.' Well, I herd u hate Swamperts! (crying)