Well, I wouldn't call this hilarious, maybe amusing...you decide. I have no idea if Middle Earth has cantaloupes.
Maedhros glared down at the offending fruit before him. Sighing, he glanced down at the cutting knife in his good hand, and the sling holding his broken right arm. Of all the things he had to do, it was break his arm. And of all the things the twins could ask for whilst Maglor, who had two perfect hands and arms in perfect working condition, was out hunting, it was a round fruit known as cantaloupe. Why they wanted a whole cantaloupe right then, he hadn't a clue.
"Are you sure you don't want an apple?" he asked hopefully, looking at the twins who were playing across the room.
Elrond looked up, his face full of innocence, "No, Uncle Maedhros. We've already checked the apples. They are all bruised."
Maedhros sighed again, heavily. "Of course they are."
With his good hand holding the knife, he held the fruit steady before stabbing down quickly. The cantaloupe rolled away just when the blade was mere centimeters from it. It thudded dully, burying half of the blade into the table's wood. The twins looked up, not at all surprised since this was only the fifth time Maedhros had stabbed the table.
"Maybe you should hold it still with your other hand, Uncle Maedhros," Elros suggested quietly, apparently not getting the idea that Maedhros' arm was in a sling for a reason.
Maedhros smiled patronizingly. "Maybe."
Elros and Elrond smiled sweetly back, still oblivious to the fact that Maedhros wasn't happy about this.
For the seventh time he steadied the fruit with his knife-holding hand, but this time, instead of reaching back, he stabbed the fruit from close range. A smile of pleasure spread across his face as he glowed with pride at what he just accomplished. Finally, victory was within his grasp!
He pulled the knife further down with a hard jerk, and an awkward piece was cut from the whole fruit. It was awkward, because it could not be used, for 'twas too shallow for eating. With a growl, he threw the knife down on the table and stalked to the other side of the room. The twins watched apprehensively as he jerked his sword from its scabbard in one fluid motion. Quickly walking back to the table, the eldest son of Feanor raised his arm, and with the Fëanorian battle cry, the sword came flying down, the beautiful blade gleaming in the light that entered through the windows.
The twins saw the fierce look on his face and began screaming.
Maglor flicked a strand of hair out of his face, as his hands were otherwise occupied keeping the deer on his shoulders steady. He was only half a mile from home, and was trying to speed up, for the dead animal was beginning to smell. It was a large buck, its horns spreading majestically out. Too majestically, he thought, for they were poking him. A needless disturbance to his pace.
Faint, terrified screams reached his elven ears, and he looked up, alarmed. "Ónoni!"
Dropping the deer where he was, Maglor tore off toward the distressed sounds. Pulling out his bow, he notched an arrow as he reached the clearing in which his hut lay. Maedhros was there, a more than formidable warrior, but even he could be overwhelmed. He slowed just as he got to the door. Leaning against it, he could make out loud, heavy thudding, as if someone was attempting to cut up the table. He could not hear the twins.
Kicking the door open, he aimed for the table and shot, just missing Maedhros.
"Háno!" He shouted, making his Maedhros stop in the middle of his earnest destruction of the table. "Unless the table is possessed with some evil spirit that comes to life to do us harm, there is no reason that you should be trying to destroy a perfectly good piece of furniture!"
Maedhros looked at his sword, than the table, and then the obliterated pieces of cantaloupe that were strewn about the room. Looking back up at his brother, he smiled and cleared his throat. "I was, uh, I was trying to cut the cantaloupe for the twins."
Elrond and Elros, now both with trails of tears running down their faces, looked up and nodded.
Maglor looked at each of them in turn. Then, looking at the twins, he said, "Little ones, I was going to be home soon, you did not need to eat."
Elros sniffed, rubbing his nose with his hand. "But we were hungry."
Maglor kneeled down and gestured for them to come forward. Embracing them, he said, "Then you could've had something else. Now, go and look after the deer I was bringing home for supper."
The twins squealed with delight, and tearing away from Maglor, they raced down the path.
"As for you," Maglor began, standing to face his brother. "You could've suggested something else, like bread. Now the table is destroyed."
Maedhros looked back defiantly, "Well, that doesn't mean you have to shoot and arrow at me!"
"You were frightening them!" Maglor exclaimed, gesturing toward the direction the twins had taken. "The least you could've done is explained that you couldn't cut the fruit! Maedhros, I thought someone was harming them."
Maedhros glared back. "I was trying to get them some food. I couldn't. Because that accursed cantaloupe would not stay still!"
"Of course it won't stay still! It has no brain, and it is round."
"Thank you for pointing that out, háno, I didn't realize that."
"Of course you didn't, your head is a cantaloupe!"
"And your head is a…a…a pumpkin!"
"A pumpkin?! At least, fruit head, my pumpkin has a brain!"
"Tchah! You wouldn't know a brain if one hit you!"
"That's rich, coming from someone who doesn't even know the difference from an enemy and a piece of furniture!"
Maedhros paused. "That really didn't make much sense."
Maglor huffed. "Well, I'm a minstrel, not a…torco who spends all his time coming up with insults."
Maedhros glared at his only surviving brother. "Oughtn't you go get the deer?"
"Yes, and this mess had better be cleaned up when I come back."
When Maglor left, Maedhros glared at the remains of the cantaloupe. Oh, how he hated round fruits.
I used Quenyan words.
Ónoni-A pair of twins.
There ya go, now, if you would be so kind as to review, I would be most grateful. Sorry if Maedhros and Maglor seemed kind of stupid...it was needed. One more thing, I am under the assumption that one can still hold things steady with a stump. So, that's kinda why I broke poor Maedhros' arm...:)