DOGGETT GETS A CAT
Doggett answered the telephone in his office, "Agent Doggett." He said.
"This is Agent Scully Agent Doggett." It was Scully's voice on the other end. It turned out that she was out gallivanting around the countryside working on a damn case by herself. Then she had the nerve to ask him for help. But because of the gentleman he guessed he would have to obey the bossy agent.
Meow… PURR PURR PURR.
"Is that your cat Agent Doggett?" Scully asked.
"No…" Doggett lied, "I was just clearing my throat." But it was obvious that Scully knew the truth, she knew the whole shebang.
"Skinner and Kersh are going to have your ass when they find out you're bringing a cat to work." Scully warned.
"I'll see what I can do." Doggett said, "Hey, sure you don't need me down there."
"If you think you need me to have you hold my hand all the time." Scully shouted into the phone so loudly that Doggett had to pull the phone away from his ear.
"That's not what I was saying." Doggett said.
"Listen here Agent Doggett. I've been in the FBI for much longer than you." Scully began to shout again.
Again, he pulled the phone from his ear, "That's not what I meant." Doggett said.
"Just because you think you're some macho man. You got to be involved every step of the way." Scully said.
"Ooooooh Yeaaaah." Doggett said into the phone, "It couldn't hurt to have another set of eyes with you." Damn, Doggett thought to himself, Dana Scully was one bitchy agent.
"I can take care of myself Agent Doggett." She told him before hanging up.
Even though Doggett was cursing that Scully had gone on an X-File case all by herself and left him at the office completely and utterly bored, he got worried when she failed to show up to her destination. So he decided to drive out there and see what the hell was going on.
The cat slept quietly on the dashboard with it's tail acting like a windscreen wiper, swishing up and down the windscreen. Damn, if Scully's going to get herself killed, he'll kill her himself. What was she thinking?
It was night time when he finally arrived at the small town that was situated smack bang in the middle of nowhere. Doggett stepped out of the car and was greeted by a creepy man and woman that came right out of American Gothic.
"Stay." Doggett told the cat, "Stay." He shut the door.
"Excuse me." The man said. Couldn't understand what Doggett was on about.
"Just telling my cat to stay in the car." Doggett said.
"You look like a dog person." The man observed.
Damn he should be taking a dollar for every time someone said that to him. He'd be bloody rich, "Well I got a cat so shaddup!" Doggett raised his voice a little, "Have you seen this woman?" Doggett showed him the photo of Dana Scully, "This is her. And she's really bitchy."
"No." The man said, "We haven't seen her."
Doggett nodded and smiled before returning to the car. His keen New York cop instincts told him that they were lying. Scully was here and she was in trouble. The little fiery redhead had gotten herself into trouble. He backed the car out and turned on the radio.
Mr Trouble never hangs around
When he hears this mighty sound
"Here I come to save the day."
That means Mighty Mouse is on his way
Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right
Mighty mouse will join the fight
On the sea or on the land
He gets the situation well in hand.
"I hope you're enjoying classic TV themes this hour."
Doggett turned off the radio and made his way into the house and snuck up the stairs as quietly as possible. His mind snapped to attention when he heard his car being driven away.
"What the hell?" He cursed.
But there were more important things to worry about, like rescuing Agent Scully from the evil clutches. The man that was guarding Scully while she writhed and jolted as the thing attempted to make it's way to her brain walked in front of the door right at the wrong moment and was sent flying to the ground in a poor superman attempt. A knife went flying out of his hand and Doggett caught it as he walked by.
Doggett picked her up and took to a large shed where fortunately there was a bus parked in there so he put her in a seat and went to hotwire it.
"Talk to me Agent Scully." Doggett said, "Tell me about your weekend." He connected the wires together. But instead of the engine turning over… The radio came to life.
Jeremiah was a bullfrog
He was a good friend of mine
Never understood a word he said
But I helped him a-drink his wine
He had some mighty fine wine.
"Wrong wires." Doggett smirked, "Come on Agent Scully. Talk to me."
"You have to cut it out." Scully screamed at him.
Doggett put different wires together and the horn beeped, "Hotwiring jeeps is easier than this BS."
"Cut it out!" Scully screamed.
"For god's sake!" Doggett screamed out, "Stop yelling at me! It's like every fuckin day you yell at me! God it's like being a marine again."
Doggett disconnected all the wires and the cat followed him to where Scully was sitting. He could hear the commotion outside, Scully screaming, "Look if you don't be a nice girl, I won't cut you up."
Doggett got the knife and managed to slit the back of the neck with minimal amount of damage or pain that he possibly could have. But he could tell that it wasn't helping. He grabbed the slug from her body and threw it to the back of the bus. But before he could draw his weapon and shoot it. The cat had already pounced on the slug and shook it in his mouth until the thing stopped squirming. It was dead.
Suddenly the commotion stopped. Scully had passed out and the commotion had stopped outside. They were all shocked. Doggett picked up the cat and stroked it before opening the bus doors.
"Behold." Doggett lifted the cat above his head, "Behold… The cat. He has killed your slug god incarnate or whatever the hell it is."
There was silence amongst the followers before someone called out, "All hail the almighty Cat. The true god."
"What?" Doggett asked. One of them came up to take the cat from his hands.
"This cat can give us the intelligence we need." The man said so everyone can hear, "Oh great and almighty cat… Give us your words of wisdom."
There was silence followed by gasps of astonishments, "Meow." There were nods amongst the followers, "Of course." Another one said, "The answer to the universe is meow. Lead us oh great furry god."
"You have to be shitting me." Doggett said as he carried out Scully into the distance.
"From this time on… Everyone in this community will be known as Pussies." The man holding up the cat said.
"We are all Pussies." Everyone echoed and cheered.
Doggett stood in Scully's room looking a little depressed, "What's the matter Agent Doggett?" Scully asked, "You look down."
"Nothing's wrong." Doggett said as he smiled, "I just came by to see how you were doing and take you home."
"I should have included you in the investigation." Scully said, "I'm sorry Agent Doggett."
Doggett wasn't very good with these feelygood moments. His marine attitude came to the forefront which was the best way to handle this situation, "You fucked up!" He snapped, "You have to realize you're on a team."
"It won't happen again." Scully said.
"You damn right it won't." Doggett said, "Now drop down and give me twenty."
"What?" Scully said, "You can't talk to me like that."
"Kidding." Doggett said. Scully didn't smile as she lifted the bag but Doggett took it out of her hands and followed her out, "Hey do you think we should apply for Frequent Flyer rewards?"
"What?" Scully asked.
"Well you're always in hospital." Doggett said, "Might as well get some prizes out of it."
A/N: I know it's a bit silly... Hope you like it.