Do I really need a disclaimer for this? I took the lyrics from Baz Lurhman's "Everyone's Free(To wear Sunscreen)" and changed them around. I do not own any of the terms used herein. Enjoy.
The Habit Song
Ladies and gentlebeasts of Redwall abbey…wear habits.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, habits would be it.
The long-term benefits of habits have been recorded in other abbeys, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable then my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your sword…never mind. You will not understand the power of your sword until it breaks, and you're forced to have it repaired by a badger lord after a long and dangerous quest. But trust me, a long time from now, someone will pick up your undamaged blade after it's been in the rain for a decade or so, and say: "That's one hell of a sword."
You are NOT as peaceful as others imagine.
Don't worry about the current invading army; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an obscure riddle by drinking cordial. The real troubles in life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that almost runs you off the road with a hay cart after a really big feast.
Do one thing every day that involves chasing clues around the abbey.
Sing. Even if you don't know what the song means, or if you sing the song too fast.
Don't waste your time with hatred at your enemies. Sometimes they die, sometimes you do. The war is long, but in the end, the vermin always bite it.
Keep dibbuns away from Marlfoxes, and hares away from food. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Don't feel guilty if you drive your shamed son to go questing. Chances are he'll be back with a load of new friends to make you look bad.
Be kind to your children. You'll miss them when they get kidnapped.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe your daughter will poison you. Maybe the love of your life will die and you'll enter a life of endless wandering. Whatever you do, don't trust searats, or foxes, for that matter. Chances are, they'll only try to take you out and steal your stuff.
Enjoy your mace, and use it in every way you can. Take good care of it, and stick arrowheads in it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Get to know your father. You never know if he could be a powerful warlord.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to the past and the most likely to try and kill you for the throne in the future.
Understand that Warriors come and go, but for the precious few that live on forever as ghosts. Work hard to bridge the gap between the tree and the wall, because the higher you try it from, the more you'll need cushions when you fall.
Live in Southsward once, but leave before it makes you soft. Live on Terramort Isle once, but leave before you get yourself killed.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Pies will be stolen, badgers will have Bloodwrath, you too will eventually end up as abbey recorder, and when you do, you'll spend all your time remembering back when you were young, instead of actually recording.
Respect your elders, especially if they've been communicating telepathically with their lost son.
Don't expect anyone to warn you of danger: maybe you'll be in a peaceful forest, maybe you'll have a faithful hawk companion; but you never know when either one could be destroyed by vermin.
Don't spend too much time with a fire-swinger, or by the time you throw it you'll have been shot by a hare.
Be careful whose healing you accept, but be patient with those who supply it. Watch carefully for anything suspicious, as what you see is pretty much what you get, and cannibal lizards always show up just as things are getting dull.
But trust me on the habits.