Bad attempts at humor. This is why I stick to angst. P


"Could you repeat that?" His father looked at him seriously. "You're going to take this basket to Aunt Tsunade. It's a very dangerous mission, but I trust that you can handle this Naruto." Naruto looked at his father innocently, blue eyes wide. "I can handle it." He said, pausing and nodding as his face split into a grin. "I can do it! Believe it!" With that he took the basket and was gone. Minato sighed wearily. "I hope he has enough sense not to go through the forest." He murmured. "I really should tell him." He stood as his advisor, Kakashi, rushed in. "Urgent meeting; the Hokage's presence is required." Minato sighed again and, thoughts of Naruto momentarily put aside, followed the other quickly.

Unfortunately for him, Naruto didn't know to stay away from the forest. He had often trained near it and it always looked so inviting. On top of that, it was the quickest way to Aunt Tsunade's, and he was very hungry. So he skipped…er, did a very manly walk off the path and into the forest. He was very excited about his first mission. So excited, in fact, that he did not see the glowing red eyes of the thing following him, nor hear the rustle of the leaves as it crept closer. Indeed, the only time he became aware of it was when it leapt onto a rock beside him and smirked.

For a long moment the two stared at each other. "You're a wolf." Naruto said finally. The boy snorted. "Idiot." His smirked suddenly and Naruto felt very, very scared. "I'm going to eat you Naruto." Naruto, no matter what anybody said, did not scream like a girl. "Oh no!" He exclaimed in a very manly way. "But it's my first mission and I can't fail!" The wolf didn't lose the smirk. "I shall eat you!" He pounced. Naruto gave another (very manly) shout and swung the basket, eyes shut. "Ow!" He opened his eyes to see the wolf curled on the ground, lip quivering and face petulant.

"Why did you hit me?" Naruto stared at him. "You said you were going to eat me!" The boy stood, his eyes watery. "You hit me!" Naruto frowned. "But it's my first mission and you're going to ruin it!" The boy melted under the furrowed cuteness that was Naruto-Attempting-to-Think. "I'll help you, and then I can eat you!" He decided. Naruto grinned. "Really? Awesome! Let's go!"

"Dad, this is Sasuke and he's my new pet." Minato looked up as his son led a very pleased looking Uchiha into his office. He groaned aloud. "You went in the forest?" He asked unnecessarily, eyes shut. "Yep." He sighed heavily and opened his eyes to fix the still smirking brat with a glare. "You planned this." He nodded. Another sigh. "We're going to play. Sasuke promised to feed me ramen!" He said, dragging the boy out of the office yet again. "Ne, Sasuke? What did you mean by 'eat me' anyway?" There was silence for a full two seconds before the Hokage processed the sentence. "Uchiha!"



There was silence as the story was finished and everyone turned to look at Naruto, who was snarling in rage over in the corner. "That isn't how I remember it bastard!" He shouted, jumping up and pointing an accusing finger at the now silent Uchiha. "Then how do you remember it, idiot?" He asked blandly. Naruto smirked. "I'm so glad you asked."

"So Neji invited us to play poker at his house?" Lee nodded happily, eyes shiny with unshed tears of joy. "Yes! This is a most joyous occasion! We shall play poke-her! My boyfriend has invited us!" At once he calmed down to swoon slightly, a tinge on his cheeks. Naruto sighed. "Alright; I have nothing better to do." Immediately Lee was grinning again. "That's the youthfulness!" He said, bounding off happily. Naruto sent a quick prayer to whoever was listening that Neji didn't see fit to invite Sasuke.

Apparently nobody had been listening, because when the door opened a guy who was not Neji but looked like him opened the door. "We have come to play poke-her!" Lee exclaimed happily. Sasuke raised an eyebrow but stepped inside, shutting the door behind them. "Neji?" Lee called happily. "Here." A voice answered back. With a squeal Lee flew down a hallway and into a room, Naruto and Sasuke following at a slower pace.

The table and cards were already set up, and Neji motioned Naruto to sit beside Lee while Sasuke took the other one, beside Neji. "We're playing poker." He said, shuffling the cards. "If you lose you take off a piece of clothing. I'll deal." Naruto spluttered. "Lee! You didn't tell me that part!" Lee looked confused, but Sasuke cut in smoothly. "Scared you'll lose?" Naruto scoffed. "You wish. Deal."

Ten hands later and Naruto wondered how Sasuke managed to talk him into anything. There they were, sitting across from him and fully clothed. Both were smirking, although they did look a bit pink. And then Lee was sitting beside him. Decidedly not fully clothed. He was not smiling as he stared at his cards. Naruto sighed and looked down at his own. They lost again. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if they weren't down to their last piece of clothing. "We lost again." Lee muttered sadly. "I don't understand how they always know our cards!" Naruto exclaimed, throwing his own down. "Rules are rules Naruto." Sasuke said from before him. He scowled. "I'm working on it! Lee…" Lee sniffed but nodded. "It will be a youthful experience." Naruto ignored the strangled sound ("A very youthful experience...") and followed Lee as he stood up. Once up they both paused again.

"Come on dead last." Sasuke mocked as Naruto glared. "You don't have anything, is that it?" Naruto muttered something incoherent and Sasuke smirked. "What?" More glaring. "I said I'm sorry Sai but I'm working on it!" Sasuke fell silent at the Sai comment. "Come on Naruto!" Lee exclaimed suddenly. 

Without a word he reached over and yanked off Naruto's last piece of dignity, right as he pulled off his own. There was silence for a long moment as Naruto tried to die of embarrassment. But then…

"Sasuke, are you blushing? Sasuke, is that blood on your nose?" Naruto grinned at the flustered Sasuke, enjoying this so much that he could almost ignore the looks Neji was currently giving a very clueless Lee. He sniggered and walked around the table to plop in Sasuke's lap. A now stuttering Sasuke. Who still had a nosebleed. Naruto grinned and leaned forward, brushing his lips across Sasuke's ear.

"Are you blushing because of me?" Without a word Sasuke stood, taking Naruto with him, and walked out of the room. "We're borrowing your guest room." He called casually over his shoulder as he half-hobbled down the hall, Naruto squealing and giving half protests. "Take your time." Neji murmured back.

"So the bastard took advantage of me and there was nothing I could do." Naruto concluded with a nod. Sasuke sniggered as Naruto glared. Sakura groaned and shook her head. "Honestly you two, that isn't how it happened. It was Halloween and Naruto was Little Red Riding Hood. I bribed Sasuke into being the Big Bad Wolf. I forgot to mention the fact that if you dressed up as two characters from the same whatever, you had to stay together. I also forgot to mention Naruto was wearing a dress. Sasuke reacted to said dress by trying to get him out of it. He liked what was underneath better. Here we are."

They stared at Sakura as she finished. "Y-Yeah I think I remember that." Naruto said sheepishly. Sasuke made a small noise that could have been agreement. "Where's the costume Naruto?" Kiba asked curiously. Naruto grinned and jerked it out of the closet, slipping it over his head and smirking. "Isn't he adorable?" Ino fussed happily. Naruto smirked and bowed.

The next second everyone was staring at a closed door. "Sasuke? Sas-NO! SASUKE! NOo…oh..".