Holy Mother of Jasper I am so so so so so so so sorry that it has been over a month since an update. Life for me lately has sucked beyond belief and I have been venting my anger through writing (unfortunately it hasn't been on this story). Here is an update of sorts, I realized I never put this chapter up here (just over at lionlamb LJ) so some of you may have not seen this before. I do plan on finishing up this story tonight so you may get another chapter before dawn breaks tomorrow morning. Life is now starting to get back to normal (or as close to normal as it will ever be again) so expect more writings from me of varying sorts. After all, we all have our ways to vent our emotions. I hop everyone is doing well and is excited for the Twilight movie to hit the big screen.
Cheers and Love,
"Edward Cullen is staring at you…" The memory opened the floodgates to every encounter Bella and I had ever had leading up to the moment I was currently experiencing. It was like my mind was fast forwarding the video of what my life had consisted of lately, Bella. The highlights stood out to me: the first time I had heard her name in the minds of every other student, how it had angered me so much that I couldn't read her thoughts, how I had imagined killing her in a couple of different ways, how I had wanted to damn her for the pain she was unknowingly causing me, my attempt at being kind, my attempt at stopping myself from falling in love, our first visit to the meadow, our first kiss, how I had finally been able to tell her I loved her, how she had been so brave yet so stupid when it came to the situation with James, how I had been willing to fight my own brother to protect her on her birthday, how she had looked in the woods when I had decided, wrongly, that the best decision was to leave, and, finally, the terror in her eyes when Victoria had taken her mortal life from her.
The Bella that my mind was showing me was not the one lying before me. The one in my mind was the one that I completely adored, the one that made me smile in the cute way she would bite her lip when she was unsure about something. The one who's skin would become warm around her cheeks when she was embarrassed (which was quite often), the clumsy one who was fascinated by my family but never to the point of revulsion which I always feared yet expected. The Bella that was laying on the hard stone floor, breathing erratically, was not the Bella I longed to see. Sweat was pouring down her face, soaking her shirt which was also soaked with her only blood, her hair was plastered to her face and I could see her lip trembling slightly. I knew she wanted to move, she wanted to be able to run, to escape the fire that was burning through her veins but she couldn't move an inch, her body was frozen with pain and fear.
I can't remember when everything finally clicked into place but I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of urgency. I crossed the room in no time and knelt carefully beside my fallen love. A wave of hatred rushed over me as I thought of Victoria, who had not suffered at all in her death, had played a game of life and death and had, in a way, won…though I would more than likely call it a tie now. I should have made the redhead suffer, I should have made her beg to die, and then I should have made her wait a little longer for the rushing silence of death. I ran my hand over Bella's forehead, brushing the sweat soaked strands of her bangs away from her still beautiful features. Her skin was clammy, like she had a raging fever, one that the human body would never be able to survive, in a way, I guess, that's exactly what she was experiencing.
She started to whimper and her eyes shot open as she let out a heart wrenching scream, it
"Bella! Bella, shh, shh darling." I grabbed onto her shoulder to steady her as her painful scream continued to echo throughout the room. Finally, she ceased her screaming, and realized that I was present in the room,
"Edward? Edward is that you?" She asked, "Really? You aren't a dream?" She asked in ragged breaths. I could feel my eyes prickling with emotions, tears that would never come for me now streamed down Bella's flushed face,
"Yes. Yes it's me, I'm not a dream." I told her quietly. She looked at me, her eyes beginning to tint red already,
"Then kill me. Please, make it stop. Just kill me, I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough, I can't do this. It hurts so bad Edward just kill me…kill me!" She screamed and I wanted to die. She was begging me to kill her, to take her from the fires of Hell that were currently consuming what was left of her mortality. She wanted to die because she couldn't think of a better option, because the pain was so intense, because she was scared…and I couldn't do it,
"Bella, no. I won't kill you, you'll make it. We have to leave, we need to get you to the hotel, Carlisle will give you medicine, he'll make you feel better I promise you darling." I tried to calm her but she was sobbing now,
"I want to die, it hurts so bad! I'm so tired but I can't sleep because it feels like my entire body is on fire! I wanted it to be you! I wanted to be at home and have you with me! I didn't want it like this! It hurts so bad…" She began to sob, her chest rattled with every breath she took, every sob that escaped her seemed like a cry for death to come and take her.
Edward, they're letting us go..for now. If we leave the city immediately, good thing our hotel is outside the city. We can't waste anytime, we aren't guaranteed they won't act later…though we won fair and square. Get Bella.
Alice's point was clear, get Bella and leave, immediately.
"Bella, love, we're leaving…we're going to the hotel, Carlisle will take care of you." I told her as I picked her up. She felt even lighter than she normally felt, it sickened me to think of how Victoria had neglected her for days. Bella's lips were pale and cracked, they looked so painful as she drew in difficult breath after difficult breath, I was shocked she could hold a conversation half as well as she was,
"Will he kill me?" She asked me. I winced at her words and shook my head, "I know this sounds silly, and cliché, but if I had to die…I'm glad it's in your arms." I wanted to cry, scream, kill every member of the Volturi guard, and take down some werewolves just to get my anger out at her comment, but I suppressed my true feelings,
"I know it seems like forever away but in a couple days all the pain will be gone…everything will be so different Bella, it will be a whole new experience." I told her softly as I dashed from the room,
"I'll be beautiful." She said with a soft chuckle. For the firs time since she had disappeared I let myself grin,
"You are already the most beautiful woman in existence." I told her, I nuzzled her cheek with my nose,
"I do love you..even though you won't kill me." Her voice was growing considerably weaker,
"I love you." was all I could whisper. She didn't respond, the pain may have gotten so great that she finally slipped into welcomed unconsciousness.
The hotel room was small but we didn't care. Carlisle had administered morphine as well as some other painkillers to Bella as soon as we got into the room. Now all we had to do was wait, which was easier said than done,
"I can't wait until she can shower and I can do her hair and get her new clothes!" Alice was back to her old self, though we weren't totally safe yet Alice was having a much easier time relaxing now that she could see the future,
"She isn't a doll Alice, she's going to need a bit of time to get used to everything." Esme tried to reel Alice in but that wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do.
I, however, paced. I was certain I was wearing a hole in the carpet walking back and forth waiting for something, any sign that she was okay. At even the slightest noise I'd rush to her side, eager for her to be alright.
"Edward if you don't stop blaming yourself and feeling so damn horrible about your own existence you're going to drive me to drink…and alcohol doesn't even effect me." Jasper said. I hadn't even realized that I was causing my brother pain. I knew, from his thoughts, that he felt partially responsible for everything that had happened, though he didn't really need to be. Victoria had been right about one thing, my family was definitely not the norm when it came to the vampire world, Jasper was simply acting on instinct.
The next two days passed so slowly I longed to be able to sleep just so I could pass the time. I could no longer listen to my family's thoughts, they were too full of pity for me and concern for Bella. Concern that she wouldn't remember, concern that she would hate what she had become, we all longed to know what she would think.
We didn't have to wait much longer.
Bella stirred and her eyes blinked open. My throat closed with emotion as I realized that her normally brown eyes were now a vivid red. My family stayed back, giving me the first moments alone with her,
"E-Edward?" She asked, my heart soared as I realized she remembered me, her voice seemed stronger than it had a couple days ago, she sat up,
"…Yeah, yeah Bella it's me." I let a smile spread across my features and a chuckle escape me. Bella nodded twice then pulled back her fist and punched me square in the jaw. Her new found strength sent me toppling over, falling to the ground. I stared up at her, rubbing my jaw, looking wide-eyed and disbelieving,
"That's for leaving me in the woods!" She shouted.