What would happen if Voldemort received a howler?
By Mischievous Purple One
A large fire crackled behind a dragon leather chair, illuminating a large highly furnished study room. bookshelves lined the walls, each shelf packed tight with bound volumes of dark arts notes and spell books. there were even a few novels in an obscure corner. besides the man crouching on the floor, there was one other man in the room. at first glance he didn't seem human, with his blood red eyes and snake-like nostrils. not to mention the fact that he was completely bald, which although scary at first, was rather funny if you didn't know exactly how powerful he was. the strange snake man's name was lord voldemort, or more properly tom marvolo riddle, but anyone who calls him that usually ends up in a river nearby, or a wolf dinner. and i don't mean your average forest wolf. no i mean full blown werewolf. but back to the point. lord voldy, as i'm not going to refer to him, stared down at the cowering lump of flesh before him, slowly stoking the eleven inch yew wand that rested in his right hand.
"I assume you do not know precicely why i am not happy with you avery, so i will simply tell you." he mused, his voice cold and slimy, almost about the same consistency one would expect from a dead fish that had been sitting in stagnant water to be.. "N-no m-my Lord." Avery stuttered out, trembling from head to foot, his face bowed so low, he was nose to nose with the carpet. "You have failed in your mission i expected that witch to be des….what's that noise?" voldy spun around his wad raised as he prepared to hex whatever had interupted him and looked about the room and glaring into the corners. A red envelope on the desk caught his attention, especially considering it was smoking at the seams.
"What the…?" he strode over to pick it up, and backed off just as quickly, for as he had reached out for it, the letter exploded letting loose the shrill shouting voice within.
"YOU HALF BLOOD FIEND! YOU SHOULD DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO THAT POOR LITTLE BOY! TAKING AWAY HIS FAMILY AND FOR A SIMPLE WHIM OF A FREAKING PROPHECY YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAR HALF OF! THERE IS NO GREATER PUNISHMENT FOR YOU THAN TO BE DESTROYED TOTALY AND COMPLETELY SO THAT EVEN YOUR SOUL DOES NOT ESCAPE. OH WAIT...YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!!! YOU RIPPED IT INTO A BUNCH OF ITY BITY PEICES FOR THE SAKE OF SOME IMORTALITY BULLSHIT! WELL WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR STORED SOULS ARE ALL DESTROYED? YEAH YEAH, YOU'VE MADE IT IMPOSIBLE TO FIND THEM, BAH BLAH BLAH...BUT GUESS WHAT? THE DIARY WAS DESTROYED SIX YEARS AGO, ALONG WITH THE GAUNTS RING LAST YEAR. THE OTHERS WILL FOLLOW SOON AFTER, SO BE WARNED! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SO LONG, LORD OF BAD ANAGRAMS!!!
Voldy stared at the desk where the charred remains of the letter were curling in on themselves, and clenched his wand so tight that his already pale knuckles, if possible, went even paler. avery stared at the carpet beneath his nose, willing himself not to look up as his master fumed and tried to figure out what had just happened. behind them lucius poked his head into the room determined to find out what all the shouting was about, only to jerk back as several vases flung themselves at him and smashed around the doorframe. he decided to wait a few minutes before stepping back in, and wandered off to persue a chapter of the book he was currently trying to finish.
back in the room voldy rounded on avery, raising his wand higher at the same time, and flipping the suddenly wet wizard onto his back. another small fick of the wand had his pants dry and then he was flipped back around to sit in a chair that sat lower than voldy's. the "lord of bad anagrams" glared at avery as though he were a bug that had done him a personal wrong, although that might have been the case anyway.
"what...wass...that?" voldy hissed, half in parsletongue he was so mad. avery swallowed forcfully around the huge lump in his throat and opened his mouth to speak, when lucius stepped back into the room.
"that, my lord, was a howler, a letter bewitched to scream whatever was written at the person it was sent to. if not opened imediatly upon arrival, they will explode seeming louder than if you had just opened it in the first place, thus making the situation much worse." lucius answered, bowing his head as he moved to take the chair at avery's right. voldy considered this for several minutes, his face furrowed in thought. then he looked up, an angry gleam in the red eyes, almost like bloodlust instead of anger.
"in that case...FIND WHO SENT IT AND BRING THEIR DEAD BODY BACK HERE AT ONCE!" he thundered, his face remaining remarkably pale considering the force of his voice. lucius bowed low and immediatly left the room. "as for you avery, get back to the ministry and track the owl that delivered that fowl thing, before i remove you from this world permenantly."
Meanwhile, in a room that smelled of mold and other such nasty stuff, a teenage boy sat up on bed, waking with a yell and causing the other boy in the room to jump as well. the messy haired teen thought for a few minutes and, watched by his red headed companion, began to laugh, holding his stomach and rolling around on his bed. eventually the laughter subsided into giggles and snorts and then he was calm enough to speak once more. the red head stared at him sleepily for a few more second before, shaking his head and rolling over.
"sometimes mate, i wonder why you haven't gone bonkers yet. then i see stuff like that and think maybe you are."
an empty frame on the wall sniggered, muttering to the teen. "it sounded fairly amusing ,you must recount it tomorrow. i'm sure what with the insults i could hear, that it was a highly intreaging dream." harry mearly rubbed his scar and sank back onto his pillow, snorting softly every now and then before he finally fell back to sleep.