Disclaimer: I will never own Twilight, New Moon nor Eclipse….sad, isn't it?

A/N: this is fan fiction story of what would've happened if Bella did agree to the offer, to join the Volturi guards, given by Aro in NEW MOON.

Hope you like it. I'll try to update once more in the next couple of days.


CHAPTER 1

DECISION

BPOV

I couldn't speak. I had no idea how to process what he'd offered. The conversation replayed in my mind.

"So what do we do with you, now?" Aro sighed.

Edward and Alice stiffened. This was the part they'd been waiting for. I began to tremble.

"I don't suppose that there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

Edward hesitated. From the corner of my eye, I saw both Felix and Jane grimace.

Edward seemed to weigh each word before he spoke. "I'd…rather…not."

"Alice?" Aro asked still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining us?"

"No, thank you," Alice said.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.

"Edward hissed, low in my ears. I stared at Aro blankly. Was he joking? Or was he really asking me if I wanted to stay for dinner?

It was the white-haired Caius who broke the silence.

"What?" he demanded of Aro; his voice, though no more than a whisper, was flat.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chimed him affectionately. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibility when she is one of us?"

Caius looked away with a caustic expression. Jane's eyes sparked with indignation of the comparison.

Edward fumed beside me. I could hear a rumble in his chest, building towards a growl. I couldn't let his temper get him hurt. (Scene from the actual book.)

So, here I was…Me not responding, everyone else awaiting my answer.

"I…I-I…I" I couldn't finish that sentence. I love Edward, with every fiber of my being, but I knew I meant nothing to him. Not anymore, maybe not ever. And even though it's true, even when he spoke those words that broke my heart, I still wanted him safe.

I know I've waited all this time to see Edward and I can't bear to do this to him. Seeing him again, takes away the pain. It makes me feel whole –perfect- like there was never a scar to begin with and my heart aches at the fact that if -no- when I do this–the pain will return.

I couldn't make up my mind for what seemed two whole minutes because of the internal struggle and fight between my heart and my mind. Which, in a way, I suppose is a good thing. If I'm going to go through with this, if I'm willing to destroy whatever part of my heart that has healed again, then it is best Alice does not foresee it.

"I…accept." My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat, and though it hurt, I pushed the pain away. "I accept your offer, Aro." I said in slightly stronger voice. I didn't dare look at Alice's nor Edwards's face for that matter. It'd only make me second-guess my decision.

I took a step forward, towards Aro, and away from Edward. Already I felt the emptiness from the loss of Edward's arms and the sharp pain of the cracking in my heart began.

"Really?" Aro asked excited. All I could do was nod, not trusting my own voice to not crack. I stood next to Aro but I didn't turn around. Tears started to form, but not drop.

"…Bella?" Edward whispered, his voice still sounding like velvet. "Please don't do this." He pleaded.

I remained silent. I heard a guttural groan, as if the worse pain imaginable was being inflicted. My heart cracked a little more.

"Bella, please look at me." I shook my head. I couldn't let him see me like this. It was already hard enough resisting him. "Bella, please…please…please." he pleaded. I couldn't resist granting him this last wish before we parted ways and I never saw him again. I slowly turned around to look at him.

The pain was evident in his eyes. "Don't do this."

"I have to." I whispered very low, but he could still hear it.

"No, you don't. You don't have to do anything, Bella. You could come back with us…come back with me." He begged as his eyes did the same thing. 'Don't go through with this!'

"Edward….I…I want to do this." I said, trying to convince him, but perhaps, more so myself.

He shook his head. "No. you don't. You're lying; you're a horrible liar… Bella–I love you!" he half yelled, half declared.

This time it was my turn to shake my head as the tears started to spill. "No–you don't. You said it yourself, YOU. Don't. Want. ME–" I retorted, my voice using the little strength it had left.

"I lied. I'm supposed to be a good liar, Bella." he yelled, interrupting me. His face showed a mixture of pain, hope, misery and anger.

I took a deep breath trying to calm my emotions. "It's okay, Edward. It never made sense for someone like you to love someone like me. I'm too plain and boring. I'm just ordinary next to you. But here," I waved my arms all around me, "with Aro and the Volturi…they think that I could be something, that I might be special. I could do something with my life as a vampire–I have nothing to offer the human world…. I want you to be safe." And I did. I wanted him safe, even though him leaving me caused me pain -which will surely come back once he left again. I didn't want to the cause of the misery his family would experience, because of a human like me.

"Screw my safety, Bella! I want you. How can you think that you're ordinary, that you're not special? I'm nothing without you. Do you hear me? Nothing. Why can't you believe me when I say, 'I love you'?" he yelled in frustration.

Because I know it isn't true, I wanted to say.

"Just let me go, Edward. You'll find someone else. Go back to your family and live out the rest of your existence. I'll be fine." I tried assured him, though I myself couldn't guarantee it.

I couldn't be sure they won't kill me, but as long as Edward was alive and with his family, I'd be willing to risk it. I'll die on the inside anyway when they'd leave and I'd never see them again. I'll become hollow… vacant… completely empty inside.

"How can you be so sure? They could kill you. Please, Bella, I'm begging you, don't do this. Don't turn yourself into a monster." He cried.

"I don't care. I don't care whether or not they kill me, Edward. I'm sorry, but this'll be the last time I see you. Good-bye." I cast down my eyes, not willingly to look at him. It was hard enough looking at him straight in the eyes, knowing that I'll most likely never see him again.

"NO, I WON'T LET YOU! I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU! I won't let you die!" he screamed.

I wanted so badly to believe him, to know that he meant it but a part of me knew that I wasn't good enough for him. He needed something better than me because I was too plain to be worthy of him. My heart may break but he has to go on. He was right when he left me, when he said he didn't want me. I wasn't even in the right mind to ask for him, to attempt to keep him. And that hurts, that hurts like a thousand beatings, but for him…I'd do it. I'd let him go.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Just know that, I'll always love you. Even if you don't feel the same way, I always will." I was whispering in the end. I choked back the sobs, but could not stop the tears form spilling. It was ripping me inside to know that I was doing this to them, when I had just gotten him back.

"Bella, do you still want to go through with this?" Aro asked. I nodded, because it was all I could handle doing at the moment. "Alright. Gianna? Can you please show Bella to one of the rooms?" he asked softly. Though my tears were blurring my vision, I could still see Gianna nod and step towards me.

I heard a growl but didn't turn around to see who it was.

As I took her hand and walked out, I destroyed every bit of my heart and nearly lost my mind. I had to stop the tears–I had to be strong.

"NO!" I heard Edward growl. If I could strain my hearing, I could barely hear Alice's choked sobs. As Edward growled, there was a noise that sounded like two boulders colliding.

I froze right near the door and slightly turned away to face Edward. I lifted my head in order to look him in the eyes. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," I pronounced each named slowly "I will always love you. Always have, always will. I will never forget you. I leave my heart with you." My voice was barely above a whisper and cracking as I took that last glance at his face.

Quickly leaving again with Gianna at my side, I left the dark room and went towards the lit hallway.

I just hoped to God that he could come to forgive me, in due time.


A/N: okay tell me what you thought. How did it make you feel?...Wow, I feel like a psychiatrist.

Well, anyway I hoped you liked it. And like I said I'll try to update once more. Can't wait till Breaking Dawn comes out!

-Elizabeth-