Disclaimer: don't own anything twilight related. I have nothing and I'm pathetic….sad isn't it?
A/N: okay sorry for the long time it took for the next update. I am currently working on trying to set aside more time for my stories.
It's been days –four to be exact. She hasn't moved once. I kept pacing back and forth, hoping that Bella would wake up. She hasn't yelled. She hasn't screamed. She hasn't moved. Not an inch.
Something tells me that she's dead, but I can't accept that idea. I won't lose her. But Alice doesn't see her in any visions. Just a white light. She says that her life ended right after she was bitten, after she told me she loved me. I fear that she truly is dead but if she is, I couldn't live on. If she's dead, it'll be my fault.
Her skin is the palest I've ever seen it. She has no heartbeat and her skin is -well to humans- cold. To me, it's not, it feels warm but maybe that's because we are truly now both dead. My heart constricts at the thought of Bella fully dead. No longer breathing. No longer living. She is my world. She means everything to me. Without her the world seizes to exist and now I'm afraid to see that maybe my worst fears of Bella's death have come true.
If she was a vampire, she should've shown pain. She should've been up and around by now. She should be with me. Alice has no opinion, other than that she may be dead. No matter how reluctant she is to make that conclusion, it's the only one she has. I refuse to accept it. My mind tells me she's gone and is never coming back. But my heart tells me different. It tells me to hold on. Just a little longer.
I wish my heart is right.
I follow it only now because it still holds that little bit of hope. While everything points to the worst, I need to see a little bit of the light. If -no when- Bella awakens I'll make her see the truth. She has to understand that I lied before, when I left, and I still want to be with her. That it was for her safety, not because I didn't want her.
I stare at her stone face. How I wish to see her blush again. Even for a moment. More than anything, I wish to hear Bella's voice again. To hear her laugh and to see her happy. I need something. Anything to point me in the direction of her survival. I sit down in the same chair, every day, and every hour, never hunting or leaving her alone. I can't. I want the first person when wakes up to be me.
She's never waking up. You've failed. Why would she come back to you, to a life of misery? She think you hate her, that you don't love her. If anything, she'll want to get away from you.
I'll explain it to Bella. I'll tell her the truth and then we can be together.
You'll never get the chance. You've killed her. Not Aro, you. First, you killed her emotionally, then mentally and now physically. You've broken her, in the absence of your leave, and she was so defeated by your words, so hurt that she turned to the ones that were worse than anything else –the Volturi. How can you expect her to see reason?
The voice in the back of my head kept gnawing at me. Picking at the fear that lied beneath and resurfacing them. It was back into my mind, and my conscience. Somewhere I didn't want them to be.
The door opened slightly. I turned my head a little too quickly to see who it was at the door. A head peaked out as I recognized it as Alice. But I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone anymore, not until Bella wakes up.
"Hey," she whispered. I raise my head in acknowledgement, not trusting my voice to work correctly.
She frowned. Are you okay? You seem so…completely distraught…
That was the icing on the cake. I rose to my feet. "Okay? Okay? How do you expect me to feel when I have no idea whether or not Bella is alive! God…" I said, putting my head in my hands and sobbing.
"I can't lose her, Alice! But I feel like I already have. How do you expect me to keep living this existence -other than loathing myself- after what I've put Bella through?"
"Do you think I should be happy or something? I feel like I've lost the love of my life and the fault is all mine!" I fell back in the chair, emotionally drained.
"Edward –" she started softly, but I had to stop her.
"No, Alice. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put all of that on you. It's just that…I can't bear the thought of Bella no longer on this Earth. When we left after my decision, I only kept going because I knew she was still alive somewhere. But now?... what if she never wakes up and that's it, she seizes to exist and I'm back to being alone, all because I was a stupid fool. I need her to survive, Alice." I whispered fiercely, looking at Alice. My emotions were freely splattered all over my face. I didn't have the strength to put my guard up.
Alice gave a sad sigh. "Oh, Edward, I had no idea you felt this guilt. At least not to this extent." She moved towards me and gave me strong hug. Well, as strong a hug as someone her size could give.
"Do you believe she's really dead?" I asked, not looking her in the eyes. I didn't want to see the sadden truth that she meant what she said, if she her answer is yes.
After a moment of hesitation, Alice finally spoke. "I'm not sure. I obviously can't see her future anymore. We can't be sure if that's because she's dead. But I'm praying to God that she's alive."
I snorted. "God has no control, Alice. Not in the matters of monsters such as myself. He would never care for my happiness."
"Edward, get some air. You need to get out of this place for a bit. The heavy emotions in this room are extreme. Perhaps you'll find some new hope on your stroll." That was all she said as she pranced out the door. I was now left with my thoughts once again.
I guess a five to ten minute walk couldn't hurt…?
I stood up and walked over to Bella's extremely pale body and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Please return to me, my love." With that I shut the door behind me as I left the room.
When I came back I felt a little better. I still felt an immensely heavy guilt that these were the effects of my actions. And that I had once again put Bella's life in dangerous only to possibly put a final end to it.
I sat back in my chair and stared into space yet still I listened for any changes in Bella's situation.
I had spent another day in the same spot for 24 hours, and nothing. I felt like giving up hope and I dropped my head in my hands and sobbed without spilling any tears. I wish I could though. I wish to be able to do something human. Something that could make me feel like this could've been different.
If I was human, she wouldn't have died. If I was human, she would have been safe. We could have been together without anything in the way. I could've given her what any female human would've wanted – children and marriage. If I was human, we could've lived normal lives completely in love.
As I cried for my lost Bella I heard a noise. I lifted my head to see Bella fluttering her eyes open. I couldn't believe it. It was a dream, it had to be. She then made a small noise and I knew she was up.
It's a miracle…
Elated, I launched myself at her and hug her tightly. "Bella!" I pull back to see and study her face –a face that I could never go a day without seeing. Her color was a bit better than before, higher cheekbones, red eyes, and plump lips that were fuller. Her skin was softer than before. Her womanly figure, even more noticeable since she lost some weight and her hair was even silkier.
I noticed Bella trembling and I looked back into her eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"W-w…who are yyou? Where am I? Who am I?" she spoke softly still shaking. I felt a lump lodged in my throat.
She… she doesn't remember me?
"It's me, Edward." I told her. But she looked at me confused and like she was trying to force herself to remember.
"Look, I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere and don't worry about a thing." I had to leave to get Alice and the rest of the family. Is it possible she remembers nothing? Does she not remember our time together?
Will she ever? Or will she never recover the memories of the love we once shared?
I woke up in some strange room. As soon as I started to sit up I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I was scared. I couldn't remember a thing and I was with someone I didn't know…or maybe I did. The guy, um Edward – I think. Yeah, Edward….just left the room, saying that he'd be back. I wasn't sure if he was a good guy or not so if I was supposed to be scared, I didn't know. I pulled myself into a sitting position and brought my knees to my chin. I had no idea where I was.
Or who I was for that matter…
The only thing I was knew was the guy's -Edward- name.
I felt a ringing in my head. It felt faint at first but then it got a little stronger before going away entirely.
What's going on?
Is she alright?
I have to get the human blood for our lord….
What'll we do with Isabella?
Blood…sweet blood. Come to me.
Voices heard clear as a bell and loud as if it was coming from someone standing right in front of me. I frantically turned around searching everywhere for the source but with no success. I covered my ears, trying to block them out, but they'd get through as if cutting through with a knife.
Seconds later, a group of people were standing in the doorway staring at me. I saw some flicker of emotion…could it be disbelief? Awe? Surprise? I didn't know.
I look at each face hoping to remember at least why I was here…but nothing. Last, I came face-to-face with the guy that had introduced himself as Edward. Though I had no idea who he really was, I decided to be nice since he seemed kind enough, and not someone who could hurt me.
"Hi, Edward!" I said somewhat cheerfully. I gave him a big smile, even though I felt confusion at my current location at the moment. He returned it with his own crooked smile. I felt a warmth in my heart but chose to ignore it seeing as I had no idea -or way- of interpreting it.
I stared at the others for a while longer. "Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme…" I nodded listing them off. I could read it from them like an energy pulsating.
"Do you remember us, Bella?" asked the short black haired girl. I believe she went by Alice.
"No, I am sorry, Alice. I don't remember anything." I sadly admitted. I hated to let them down. It seemed as if there was a glitter of hope, but it was gone before I could identify it.
"How did you know our names?" Esme -I believe- asked curiously.
I got off the bed and walked towards them. "I'm not sure. Sorry. I could just feel it. And something was speaking to me; the voices were telling me the names." I cocked my head to the side. I knew it sounded beyond strange but maybe it wasn't to them.
Do you think she may have your mind-reading, Edward?
It sounded like Alice's voice but… but her mouth wasn't moving, and neither was Edward's, even though he was the one she was addressing.
I felt another ringing in my head as I got closer to Alice. I got a flash, an image of myself under the moon, at night hiding from something…or maybe looking for someone? But it was gone as fast as it had appeared.
I gasped and stepped away from Alice.
…my psychic abilities… it was all I got. I was trying not to think about it too much. The ringing was still there though. I walked towards another member of this group.
He had honey blond hair. He was tall, but not like Edward and lanky, unlike Emmett. "J…Jasper?" I said making sure. He nodded and I stepped closer.
I looked him right in the eyes. I stared at him for moments until he start to look uncomfortable and began shifting under my gaze. "B-bella?" He seemed to be struggling to keep his tone even.
I stared a while longer, looking past his eyes and further in him. Then I blinked, releasing him from my gaze. "Thank you," I said automatically with a voice lacking emotion.
"For what?" asked a confused Jasper.
I smiled. The ringing was still there but it had slightly lowered, rather than increased. "For your power." I nodded once. I saw his eyes widened.
Why can't I feel any emotions from her?
He seemed to be thinking it, not saying it. But whether it was to himself or to the guy –Edward– like the Alice girl had done, I had no idea. I looked back and forth among three of them to see if I could catch anything.
I could gather nothing, and so I decided to answer him instead. "I know. It's scary right?" I moved and looked all around him circling like a prey and then at myself. At my arms and my legs, something weird must be happening. This is so strange. "I have no idea how it's happening or how I'm doing it, but –" I stopped mid-sentence.
I smelled something sweet. It smelled sooo good. I breathed in the smell or rather, as much as I could, and let one big breath. My throat seemed to be burning and I wished to make it go away.
"What is it, Bella?" asked the guy I think was Carlisle (by process of elimination). The smell was so overpowering I barely had time to register his question.
"Can't you smell it? God, it smells good!" I started to breathe in and out really quickly. I moved around trying to see if it was in this room. I looked around everywhere.
WHERE THE HELL IS IT?
I stared at my Bella. But I had no idea what had happened to her. Currently she was running around the room looking for something, something we couldn't smell. I looked at Alice and Jasper, questions in my eyes. Alice shook her head, as did Jasper. Somehow Bella got off Alice's radar and could no longer be seen, neither she nor her future; Jasper could no longer feel emotions from her. And as for me, well, still nothing.
She was a vampire, I knew that. I felt that. But something was…off. She had no recollection of our time together and as much as that hurt I had to think of her well-being right now.
She said she smelled something but none of us did. Just then Bella's eyes brightened like she figured it out. "Blood!" she yelled and ran for the door.
Before she could reach it, Emmett got in the way and blocked her. It only took Bella five seconds to look him in the eye, making him unable to look away from her gaze, and push him out of the way.
How'd she do that? was the general collective thought.
She yanked the door open and ran out. I ran after her and I thought I was at an advantage, seeing as how she doesn't know the way around but somehow she got out faster. I picked up speed trying to catch up with her. At first I felt so stupid for not remembering that -as a newborn- they get really thirsty. But then I got worried.
Will she go after a human? No, I couldn't let her do that. I couldn't let her taste that and truly turn herself into a monster. With that resolve, I picked up speed even more as she got farther away.
The smell! It's powerful. Strong. Rich. Sweet. Blood.
I've got to have it. It was all around me. I noticed a young blond man and his blood called to me. I ran over to him, a little weirded out at the speed I was moving, but still slowing down.
The closer I got, the stronger the scent. Once I got three feet close I couldn't resist and I pounced. I jumped on him, pushing his head to the side and sinking my teeth into his neck. I had no idea where it came from but I began to have the urge to suck, so I did. I sucked the blood out of him…and it was delightful. The thickness of the enriching blood coated my throat as it ran down, filling me.
The man didn't even fight me, but I suppose he didn't even see me. I felt two arms try to pry me off the guy but I wouldn't budge. Whoever it was wasn't quitting and I felt irritated. I retracted what appeared to be fangs and I hiss at whoever it was. My animalistic instincts were telling me to keep feeding but I looked up and I saw that it was the Edward guy.
I narrowed my eyes at him. I lowered my head back to the guy lying next to me and licked the wound clean. I savored the blood still on my tongue before turning back to Edward.
"What?" I sneered. I glared at him for interrupting my attack. Edward was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I wasn't quite sure what it was. I got off the ground and looked down at the young blond guy. Listening, I heard a heartbeat and knew the guy would survive. From instinct I knew he wasn't in any danger so I walked away from him.
"Where are you going? You can't just leave him there!" Edward yelled at me, grabbing my arm.
I turned back and spoke directly in his face. I couldn't understand why but I felt angry towards him. "Look I don't know exactly who you are. I don't even know what we are or where we're standing. But my senses are telling me that he," I pointed to the guy lying on the ground, "will be okay. He's got a heartbeat and as creepy as it is to hear that, he'll survive. Now let me go." I wanted him to get his hands off me because it felt like a fire burning right where he was touching me and I couldn't make sense of it. And frankly I didn't want to right about now.
I tried to pull away but his grip got tighter. "Bella –"
"Don't you mean Isabella?" I spatted. "I may not know much about you but I do know that, You. Do. Not. Want. To. Piss. Me. Off!"
"How –" His stance softened and I took my opportunity to get out of his vice grip.
"I heard people saying that name and I put two and two together. I may not know the basics, but I'm not stupid."
He sighed. This time when he spoke he didn't raise his voice but rather spoke softly. "Bella, we have to make sure that he is alright. We can't risk anyone finding him. Okay?" his eyes pleading me to just go along with it.
I felt my resolve slip and I knew I was giving in. "Fine. But I'm not carrying him." and with that I turned back towards the direction I had originally started going in. I started running and I didn't look back to see if Edward had followed. I could feel his presence behind me -as well as the guy I fed on- so there was no need.
As we reached the place where I originally ran off from, we slowed down. I took a look at the place and realized that I was at what I would believe to be a castle. I walked, sliding behind the shadows and found an entrance. I realized that I'd have to jump to reach it seeing as there was only a hole in the ground.
For some reason, I felt my head hurt. It wasn't a ringing but something else. I was having the strangest feeling of déjà vu. It was like I knew this place -but at the same time- like it was completely foreign to me. I felt my steps slow down and began to shake. My mind swirling as I got more and more confused. It was like it was on the tip of my tongue. But it kept itself out of my reach.
I had to stop because I felt like something was wrong. I closed my eyes, trying to keep things in control but felt it spin out of it nonetheless. "Bella…? Are you okay?" I heard the voice get closer.
I avoided answering and jumped down. I landed safely on my feet but I stumbled a bit as my legs grew a bit weak. I heard Edward land as well and I kept moving trying to keep a safe distance between us.
I froze suddenly and Edward bumped into me. It pushed me forward, but only a bit before I was able to regain my balance. This place… the walls seem familiar. Flashes of these walls and two girls came up. One was young with long brown hair, probably a teenager, and the other was older and taller. The younger girl was crying and the other one was comforting her. Then I found myself suddenly shaking, as if I was the one crying. It was like I was watching everything through someone else's eyes and sensing everything they were feeling as well.
"Bella?" Edward asked, sounding worried. "Why are you sobbing? Are you alright?"
My eyes opened and I saw Edward staring at me.
I couldn't stand his gaze and closed my eyes again. The flashes were the same and I felt the pain pulse throughout me again. The same pain, the one that made my insides rip to pieces and my heart squeeze in overload…except, it wasn't actually happening to my body. It was whoever the eyes I was looking through, belonged to.
Another image rolled by and made me double in pain. God, what is happening? This pain is… unbearable. I felt hurt, cold and empty. It was like I was dead inside or maybe completely but technically still alive because I could move…I just chose not to. I felt frozen as I fell to the floor and stayed on my hands and knees.
"Bella!" Edward called in alarm. I heard a door open and close. "Here, take this man to Aro. Check to make sure he's all right….Go! and get help as well!" I heard Edward yell. Once again the door was heard opening and slamming shut.
I felt his hands on my head and then around me as he held me. I couldn't respond, I felt broken and had no idea how this was happening. Pain rolled by again and it hurt my chest. I put my hand over my heart and then bunch it into a fist as it increased in its ache. Having Edward around me calmed me down for all of two minutes and then the pain increased.
He held me and rocked me as the pain dulled slowly dragging away the burning within me. It was torture and I was glad it was over. But as I felt it leave, my energy did as well. I felt lightheaded and everything turned dark as I fell against Edward's chest.
As she slumped against me, I knew something was wrong. But I didn't know what and that scared me. I've never seen anything like this before and I feared the worst. Perhaps something went wrong in the transformation. But that would mean that Bella would die soon…completely.
Bella fell unconscious and I began to shake her, but she wouldn't budge.
She's…dead, or is she? I gulped.
No, I thought, shaking my head. Well, not fully yet, she's still a vampire. And then that's when she started to convulsively shake in my arms.
God, what was happening to her?
A/N: hope you liked it. Sorry it's so short. I'll try to lengthen it some more. Hoping to update again next week.
– Elizabeth –