My Boring Hubby
AN: Please. I am not a sick
person by any means. I am actually quite nice. But I just had to.
They could hear Phoebe squealing from her room. And then afterwards the laughter and running feet. Paige looked up and sighed.
"She's so lucky. A demon turned good. That is so exciting. I mean, Cole is so suave and has quite some finesse. I bet he is thrilling as hell!"
Piper chuckled. "You do realize there is a pun there, don't you?"
Paige giggled and tossed down the old newspaper she was reading. "He must take her to a lot of really cool places," she began.
"Like a Goth club?" Piper teased.
"Like really dangerous, eerie, creepy places. Where has Leo taken you?"
"He's taken me to heaven," Piper offered.
The youngest Halliwell snorted. "Heaven's safe. That doesn't count."
"Oh believe me, Paige. Heaven was the least safest place for us at the time, what with the Elders threatening to break us into a thousand little pieces with their unspeakable wrath!"
"That's a good one! When was this?"
"Last year. That's why we had to hurry with the wedding. And then they found out and they zapped Leo right in the middle of the ceremony."
"Wow, Piper. That's a classic. So what other really dangerous stuff are you two involved in?"
Piper thought. And then she thought harder. "Thankfully now none. We don't have problems now."
Paige's hands met in a resounding smack. "See what I mean! Leo's an angel. We had to pick him as the one of us with the purest heart. You don't have a problem of whether Leo is plotting against you, which Phoebe should constantly think about. I mean, Cole's that much in touch with the dark side that it's really creepy. It keeps life interesting."
Piper's eyebrow arched. It was clear to her that Paige always thought of Cole as a museum piece to be gawked at. But she had never realized that Paige looked at her husband as anther odd piece, but in the opposite sense. "You're saying Leo's boring."
"Leo's not as much boring as he is tedious," Paige said slowly.
"Those are synonyms!"
"Fine! Well… where do you go for dates?"
"Restaurant or a movie. In the clouds!"
"Duh." Her little sister's eyes communicated everything to her. "Do you ever stop to think that maybe he doesn't really love you?"
"Of course not! Leo loves me. We know about our past and our future already. There is no question!"
"You've shared past lives?"
"Isn't it romantic?" Piper said, eyes twinkling.
"Romantic, yes. Exciting?" Paige's head hit the arm of the couch. "Zzzzzzzzz…."
"Oh stop that!" Piper laughed, throwing a pillow at her sister.
"Do you ever suspect him of cheating on you?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"See? There is absolutely no excitement. You are like a nubile twentysomething in a seventy year marriage!"
"Oh honey," Piper smiled. "You just don't understand."
"No, Piper, I'm really sorry if this makes you feel bad. I just needed to get it out of my system. You're my sister, and I love you. I just feel like you have so much potential and you won't explore possibilities married to a do-gooder with morals from the early half of last century!" Paige looked down at her wristwatch. "Now I must go to work."
Paige hurried across the room, and Piper murmured, "Bye bye, Paige."
Paige stopped before her sister and leaned down to pat her cheek. "Don't you worry, Piper. I feel for you. Maybe in a few years Leo would catch on with the wild side of our generation."
When Paige left, Piper slumped back on the couch. It was true. Her husband would never take her out bungee jumping or eating mice, but eeeww, who would want that? Leo would never endanger her as to take her to really wild places. They both felt most comfortable in quiet, lovely places, not rowdy, smelly ones. If that made them boring… Oh well! They just didn't know that "old married couple" though they were, they still treated themselves to other not so boring activities when they were alone.
The blue lights converged at the center of the living room. He's early. She just hoped so bad that Paige's car had gone, and that Phoebe and Cole would stay in their bedroom. She unbuttoned her jacket, and breathed deeply before slipping off her pajamas. Now she stood wearing black leather bra and miniskirt with netted stockings. She drew out the snake whip from under the couch.
Leo materialized, his hands in cuffs that connected to the shackles on his ankles and a dark metal ball on the floor.
"Will you confess, prisoner?" she demanded.
His hazel eyes twinkled with laughter. "I'm afraid I cannot," was his humble reply.
"Then prepare for torture the likes of which you have never gone through!"
And as she prodded him up the steps towards their room, she shrugged. Paige can wonder all she wants about why she stayed with the humdrum relationship, but Paige has never seen them in the bedroom, has she?
Because oh man, if she saw…
Piper bet she would never ask again.
Or even speak again, except to squeak.
Actually… Paige won't be able to so much as move from the spot she would be standing in at the time.
Piper suppressed the giggle
that erupted at the image she conjured at that. We can't have the Evil
Prison Guard Piper cracking up, can we?