I don't own the musical reference, but I'm not sure who does, so, um, kudos to the song owners. Moving on.
Gaara bit back a sigh as he moved upstairs followed by a loud Naruto and a very, very smug Hinata. Apparently he was to sit by the Hokage (meh, whatever,) and his father, the Kazekage, (totally sucks ass, and causes migraines to boot,) for the rest of the exams. He had managed to get Hinata up there with him, and Naruto was following him and asking questions faster than an ANBU threw kunai. When he had eaten blue chicken; it had made it open season on him, and Naruto was taking advantage. Lousy punk, damn smartass Hinata, stupid fucking appetite, all contributed to making his life a living hell. Ignoring the fox did no good; he just talked louder.
"So if you're like some super ninja guy, then why in the heck are you taking the exams? Are you an undercover judge or something? Hey, does this mean I pass? Why do you carry your sand in a gourd? What about a sack? Or a cactus, or an apple, why not a squash? Or maybe a pumpkin? How about a giant peanut? What are those black markings on it? So if you don't sleep, what do you do all night? Does the mister sandman song bother you?" Gaara gritted his teeth. That was the last time he ate blue anything. It brought him nothing but trouble.
"So what about white? You don't like white? Why? I mean, I think it's a boring color, but I don't hate it. Do you like orange? I like orange, as you can tell. It's the best color in the world! Hey, Hinata, next time make the food orange! It'll cheer him up-YEEAARRRGH!" Gaara pinned him to the wall and glared into his eyes.
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." He dropped him and continued walking. Naruto took several deep breaths. Man, he was so scary. He watched him for a while, and then ran to catch up.
"Hey! Could you teach me that? How do you do that? I wanna be scary too! I could waste entire armies with my evil scary eyes!" he jumped in front of Gaara and gestured wildly to his eyes, squinting and crossing them, trying to be scary. Gaara could hear Hinata giggling behind him. Well, glad someone's having a good time. Gaara shoved Naruto aside and kept walking up the stairs to the kages. No teleporting was allowed at this level unless it was an emergency. Damn it.
"Hey, am I doing this right? C'mon, glare-kage, you need to help me! I can't do it on my own, c'mon, watch me!" he jumped in front of Gaara again and put his face inches from his, squinting and crossing his eyes. That's it, he was declaring an emergency. He shoved his face with his hand violently and snatched his giggling Hinata up and teleported to the kages, who looked shocked. He looked at the old man.
"It was an emergency." The Third looked puzzled, while the Kazekage looked outraged.
"Emergency? I don't see an emergency."
"You filthy half-breed! You traitorous rabid dog, how dare you-"
"You shut up; no one wants to hear your complaints dumbass. It was a dire emergency, Lord Hokage."
"But I still don't see-"
"HEY! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IT'S RUDE TO SHOVE SOMEONE AND TELEPORT AWAY, EVEN IF IT WAS A COOL TRICK! C'MON, YOU GOTTA TEACH ME, GAARA! I'LL BE A GOOD STUDENT! YOU'RE HELPING HINATA, WHY NOT ME?" his foxy nemesis was screaming at the top of his lungs and running up the stairs. Gaara's eye twitched. That kid had a set of lungs on him. He turned to the Hokage.
"How is that not an emergency?" Gaara pointed at Naruto, who looked puzzled. The Hokage burst out laughing. The Kazekage firmed his lips in a disapproving line under his mask. Yeah, well, he wasn't being chased by the crazy fox, now was he? Hinata was stifling her giggles desperately. The Kazekage's glare became even harsher, but when compared to Gaara's…it was lacking. Better than her father's, but still not at Gaara's level. He was the king of death glares.
"Hey! Let me through! I gotta talk to Gaara! C'mon, let me through! Gaara! Tell him I'm with you! C'mon, I'll owe you, believe it!"
"I do believe it, but how does that help me, you ramen-sucking pain in the ass?" Hinata was practically gagging on her restrained laughter, while fanning her hands in the air at him; trying to scold him for being rude. It seemed like he had a buddy now whether he liked it or not. The Hokage was doubled over, and clutching his sides. It was nice to have someone else for Naruto to target with his antics. Poor Gaara.
The Hokage had explained his new position to the Kazekage, and he had reluctantly agreed. He hadn't been happy about it, but the old man had outmaneuvered him, and the evidence that Orochimaru had been planning to kill him all along had sealed the deal. Besides, now Gaara was their problem, and good riddance.
Gaara glanced down and then turned to Hinata. An idea was taking shape in his mind, a devilish idea that would surely get him in trouble, but would, probably, be worth it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his simple black wallet. He handed over some money to Hinata.
"Would you be an angel and please get me something to drink? I can't leave until this portion of the exams is concluded. Get yourself something too." She smiled and bobbed her head, and skipped off to do as he wished. He waited a few moments and allowed himself a smirk. She was entirely too trusting. He turned to Naruto.
"Shut up and pay attention, you fucked up fox! You want up here? Well, you have to do something for me. Go get me food, anything but sweets, and be quick about it! Get back here before she does, or there'll be hell to pay. You have shadow clones, use them; now get going!" Naruto stared at him, excited.
"Does this mean you'll train me?"
"I'll take it under advisement, now scat; you're wasting time."
"Alright! I'll get you the best food out there; believe it!" he snatched the money from Gaara's hand and took off, poofing into multiple clones that raced off in different directions. Gaara chuckled softly.
"Heh, he has no idea that he's a glorified gofer for me, this is going to be fun."
"Not when she catches you with food."
"Don't say nasty things, Old Man, it's not polite." Gaara scowled at him.
"You're one to talk," he said in response, a faint smile on his lips. Gaara returned his attentions to the field, waiting for Shino and Kankuro to begin their fight. He hoped Naruto made it back in time; a good show needed snacks, and he didn't want Hinata taking them. He could see her down there waiting politely at the end of a very long line. She had no idea that he had slipped a small disk made of his sand in the pocket of her pants. He was taking no chances while Orochimaru was scheming nearby. He had a feeling of disquiet; he knew that he had upset the timing of their plans by savagely beating Sasuke. The snake had been hoping to kidnap the boy for his own purposes, but couldn't risk it now. It was unsafe to move him. Gaara felt smug about that; if he could deny a pedophile his treat, then so much the better.
The proctor stepped to the middle of the field, commanding everyone'd attention. His brother stepped out into the field, moving to the center. Shino joined him. Gaara cocked his head; interested. How would this match end? He could see it going either way; it was sure to be close. He smirked slightly; they would soon find out.