I recently saw The Dark Knight, so I browsed around the Batman stories and well..
Wow. So many Mary-Sue characters. Hahaha. So I decided to make a parody.
Flames! To heat my cold dead heart!
Let's face it, the Joker could never love anyone. (Except maybe Batman? Read through the comics. it's a possibility.) He cant even remember how he got his scars, much less his past. He's sick, twisted, killed tons of characters.. If you read the old comics, he mercilessly beat Robin to death with an iron pipe.
He would not drastically change and fall in love with you/your character.
Disclaimer! I don't own TDK.
Inside a tiny apartment in Gotham, an alarm clock buzzed merrily, awaking the angel under the covers. She propped herself up, tossing her long, beautiful golden blond hair around as if she was in a shampoo commercial. The sun peered through her blinds, and made her gorgeous form, if possible, even more gorgeous.
Peeping toms from across the street wiped their eyes as tears flew down their cheeks at the sight of the beauty. She was truly an angel, a gift from god, a diamond in the rough.
"Today is going to be oh-so-special. Just hope I don't get kidnapped by some raving lunatic, mugged by the mob, raped, gutted, tortured, blown up, hung, eaten by sharks, attacked by ninjas.."
She continued on with this list of things that would make this day a little less perfect as she got dressed, but hell, when you're that gorgeous, everyday is glamorous!
You see, Mary-Sue was sixteen but lived on her own. She had already graduated head of her class because she was only the smartest girl in all of the United States and Canada, but sadly her parents hadn't been around to share the excitement because they'd both died in a fiery car crash and were the trampled by horses. Her mom had crawled out of the car only to realize it sat on train tracks..
And then was hit by the train in a matter of seconds.
It was a tearful funeral, and only three hours after one of her siblings was shot and killed in a gang fight. Her other sibling later committed suicide by hanging himself. Her grandparents had suffered a fate entirely worse, but that would take up about four to five pages so lets just say they're dead too.
Her parents had never understood her, and had been quite abusive, but somehow she kept on with this disturbingly perky attitude. She truly had a sad past. Did I mention every man in Gotham city loved her? Even some women?
Yes, her beauty lit up the dark and somewhat depressing city and gave people hope ever since Harvey Dent had died.
Not like they're important to this story anyway.
Or are they?
I could have them rise as zombies at the snap of a finger. I'm an amazing writer.
Not really, I just lied.
I bet I had you going though.
Mary-Sue skipped down the dangerous streets of Gotham in her tight, black, leather mini-skirt. Did I mention she has the most amazing curves in the world? She takes voluptuous to a whole new level. She also sports a pair of double-D's, has long beautiful legs, perfect hair that's not to thick but not thin at all, and the most amazing green eyes you've… Ever laid eyes on?
She also has the most amazing voice ever, can paint, draw, write poetry, write novels, dance, fire guns, do archery, and communicate with animals.
Okay I lied about the last one.
I had you going again, didn't I?
She's a lover, not a fighter.
But she's also a fighter so don't get any ideas.
She's a hopeless romantic and a vegetarian.
Mary-Sue is truly the most perfect girl ever to be used in a plot to kill Batman.
"Mary-Sue is truly the most perfect girl to be used in a plot to kill Batman!" Yelled one of Joker's henchmen, clad in the usual outfit that consisted of plain clothing and a clown mask with no eyeholes.
How the hell did they see?
A few of the henchmen stood, cracking their knuckles waiting in a scary alley, that no woman with an common sense would think of using to shorten her way to work. You'd have to be an absolute moron to even think of using it, considering the crime rate in the city, I mean with someone like The Joker who'd just escaped from the mental hospital lurking around, it was the worst possible idea--
"Oh no! I'm going to be late to work!" Mary-Sue stared at her wrist which lacked a watch.
"I guess I'd better take this shortcut! Sure hope I won't be used as a ploy to hurt Batman!" She giggled, now skipping down the alley.
When she entered the scariest and darkest part of the alley, she could see three figures rise in the… darkness? "Who's there?!" She screamed, overtaken by terror.
"We're…" One began.
"The Joker's henchman! Oh Goody goodness! Don't kidnap me!" She shrieked, running up to smack one with her purse.
"Bitch!" One swiped at her, but because of the clown mask could not see so he hit a brick wall and broke his wrist.
"Come here so we can kidnap you!"
"Oh no!" She cried out, hating to see one of the henchmen in pain because after all, joining a gang means one wants to fit in, belong with mankind and probably has many deep and painful memories from childhood.
"Let me help you, your wrist is broken!" She kneeled down, holding the man's arm.
"I got 'er!" He yelled, now swiping again to grab her but once again slamming his arm in the brick wall.
The other two henchmen were now in a frenzy to grab her, believing she was the one doing the ass kicking and not the wall.
"Eek!" She shrieked as one of the men lunged at her, but accidentally attacked another henchmen.
A fight between the three ensued for about thirty minutes.
Did I mention some Spartans joined in?
"PREPARE FOR GLORY!" One yelled, narrowly missing hitting Mary-Sue and stabbing one henchmen through the gut in a bloody and disturbing mess, as entrails slid out all over the concrete.
"No, please stop this massacre! I'll go with you, okay?" She began to cry, hating the violence. It reminded her of her childhood.. When her father had lost his mind and cut her mother to ribbons with a kitchen knife, and then had turned to her and cut two indentions in her lips all the while laughing and saying "Why.. So.. Serious.. Son?!"
Wait a minute.
That never happened.
She smacked her forehead, giggling. She was so forgetful sometimes, mixing up her own past with someone else's.
Did I ever tell you she once had step parents?
"You're coming with us!" One of the clown men growled while dragging her, and walking into a brick wall.
"I believe we've established this," She said, stifling a giggle.
"Yes. Okay." He replied, now taking off his mask so he could see.
And they made their way to the Joker's hideout..
DUN DUN DUN.
Hahah. One line was taken from a commercial, btw. Find it and review it to me and I will give you a prize!
Joker is in next chapter!