That's right people, I am writting a new story. My other story, Edward vs. Edward (which is near completion) inspired this little story. This is basiclly Emmett and Jasper at their worst. I already have an idea for the next chapter but I won't be updating this for about a week, because of breaking dawn, and I have two other stories going right now.
IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: I am not racist and I am sorry if you are offended by this. It is not meant to offend.
Personally I don't find this chapter offensive, but I had to write that just incase :
I was sitting in AP English and bored as hell. Our class was discussing the book The Great Gatsby. I absolutely hated that book, there was nothing 'great' about it. I looked over at Edward, who was diligently taking notes. God, he was such a nerd. He reminded me of Percy from Harry Potter. Harry Potter, now there's a good book. Why can't we read that instead?
My hand shot up in the air, but Mr. Brown ignored it. So I began waving my hand back and forth until he finally called on me.
"Yes, Mr. Cullen, would you like to grace us with your intellectual insight on this fine piece of American literature?" Mr. Brown sighed.
"Well first off, I would like to say that this book is more along the lines of a piece of crap, than 'great American Literature'. And secondly, I was wondering if we could read Harry Potter instead?"
"Why yes Mr. Cullen, you may read Harry Potter instead. Oh and while your at it, you might want to take a look at 'The Cat in the Hat' too, it is probably more at your level than what we read in this class."
The whole class started laughing and Mr. Brown tried his best to hush them and get back to the book. I looked over at Jasper who was shaking his head at me.
"I think that guy just called me stupid," I whispered to Jasper.
"Well if the shoe fits, dude," Jasper replied.
"You're and asshole."
"You're a moron."
We both started laughing and unfortunately caught Mr. Brown's attention.
"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Hale, would you kindly cease your tittering, and focus on my lesson."
I looked over at Jasper and he looked at me, and we both burst out into to hearty laughter.
"What is so funny?" Mr. Brown asked angrily.
"You…you…" I choked out between laughs "You…said…tit!"
And with that being said the entire class began to roar with laughter.
"Hey man, he's not the one who said it," Jasper defended.
"Mr. Cullen, you have disrupted my class enough for one day, please escort yourself to the office."
With that, I stood up and puffed out my chest.
"Mr. Brown, I have done nothing wrong, and yet you punish me. You Sir, are a racist!" I accused, pointing my finger at him.
Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose, typical, and Jasper was trying his best to contain himself.
"You heard me Mr. Brown, you hate me cuz I'm black."
"Yeah, don't be hatin' on my bro, Mr. B," Jasper said as he stood up next to me.
"You two, office, NOW!" Mr. Brown yelled.
"This is against the law Mr. Brown, sending us to the office based on the color of our skin, right Edward?" I proclaimed.
"Please don't drag me into this," Edward muttered.
"Edward, please escort your brothers to the office," Mr. Brown sighed.
Edward huffed, and got up, and began to push us out of the room, but not before Jasper began to quote the Martin Luther King speech.
" 'I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self evident; that all men are created equal.' " Jasper yelled as we left the class room.
"Emmett! Jasper! What's wrong with you guys, Carlisle and Esme are going to kill you if you get into anymore trouble," Edward whisper-yelled once we were in the hallway.
"Chillax E-dog, we cool we cool," I said.
"Yeah, Eddie, why you all up in our grill?" Jasper asked.
Edward rolled his eyes and walked us down to the office.
We sat in their for about 10 minutes before the principal called us back into his office.
Jasper and I took our usual seats and the principal, Mr. Maher sagged back into his big comfy office chair. You know, I really should be the one sitting in a comfy chair, I mean I'm probably here more than him.
"Alright boys, what did you do this time? Mr. Brown wants me to suspend you." Mr. Maher sighed.
"We have done nothing, but stood up in the name of righteousness! Spit in the face of oppression! Stomped out…" Jasper said meaningfully.
"Wait, you spit on him?!"
"Well metaphorically, yes," I explained.
"You see, Mr. Brown was hatin' on us because were black," Jasper continued.
Mr. Maher just slapped his forehead, and then proceeded to massage his temples. He was soon pulled out of his meditation when Ms. Cope's voice came over the intercom.
"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are here, Mr. Maher," she said.
"Alright send them in."
"You called the 'rents? Not cool M-dog," I said.
Just then, a disheveled looking, Carlisle and Esme walked into the office. Carlisle looked royally pissed. Today was his day off, and him and Esme were most likely 'doing the deed' when the school called them. Eww. I decided I should try buttering them up. Maybe they would decide not to punish us.
"Mommy!" I yelled as I ran over to Esme and pulled her into a bear hug "When we get home, can we bake cookies together, just you and me?"
Jasper walked over to Carlisle and pulled him into a hug as well.
"Hey Dad, I missed you today," Jasper said.
We both let go of our parents and they gave us a look similar, to the look a cat gives when it has just been dunked in water.
"Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, please have a seat," Mr. Maher said, after our little family reunion.
Carlisle and Esme took the seats in front of his desk and Jasper and I sat on the couch off to the side. The principal began to explain what happened. After he was done, Esme and Carlisle turned to us with angry looks plastered on their faces.
"This is Emmett and Jasper's fifth offense this week, so we are going to have to suspend them for 2 days," Maher said.
Carlisle just shook his head, and stood up to leave and take us home.
"Dr. Cullen, I have one more thing to discuss before you go."
Carlisle sat back down.
"Ms. Cope," Mr. Maher said into the intercom "Please send in Mrs. Witherbee."
Mrs. Witherbee? The school counselor?
Mrs. Witherbee walked in and took a seat next to the principal. She was a flaky looking lady, who was wearing a sweater that said "I heart kids". Jasper and I exchanged confused glances.
"Hello Dr. Cullen, and Mrs. Cullen, I am Mrs. Witherbee, the school counselor. When students constantly misbehave we look over their files to see if their behavior could stem from a deeper rooted problem. Dr. Cullen, you are the head surgeon at Forks General correct?"
"Yes," Carlisle nodded.
"You must have some very long hours."
"Yes, that is part of the job."
"Hmm, I think I see the problem."
Jasper and I were trying so hard to contain our laughter. This was awesome.
"Dr. Cullen, I think that Emmett and Jasper are acting out as a cry for help. They miss you, and want your attention."
Jasper lost all composure. He put his face in his hands, and his body began to shake with laughter, but Mrs. Witherbee thought he was crying. She rushed over to him and began to rub circles on his back.
"That's it Jasper, just let it out," she cooed.
After about 5 minutes Jasper stopped shaking, and pulled his face up. He looked strait at Carlisle and started sniffling.
"She's right dad," he started "I miss you. I just want you to love me."
I couldn't take it anymore, this was just too much. I buried my face in Jasper's shoulder and began to heave with laughter.
"Oh, Emmett," Mrs. Witherbee said, as she came over to my side of the couch.
Once I gained control I looked up at Esme and Carlisle. Their eyes were wide with embarrassment.
"It's true dad, you are at work so much, and when you have your day off you are with mom, doing God knows what in your bedroom."
Mr. Maher's eyes bulged, and Esme hid her face in Carlisle's chest.
"And Mom," I continued "It is clear you love Edward most. It's all ways Edward this, and Edward that, 'Oh Edward, play the piano' , 'Look at Edward, he has a girlfriend'. I just want you to love me the way you love Edward."
Mrs. Witherbee took this as her cue to interject.
"Wow, we are really making some progress here," she said "Now, I am afraid I am out of time to mediate any more discussion, but I do have a small private practice outside of school counseling that I think you should consider. Here is my card," she said, handing Esme her card "It was nice meeting you both."
She got up and walked towards the door.
"Thank you Mrs. Wtiherbee," Mr. Maher called after her.
"Alright, you are free to go," Mr. Maher continued "Jasper, Emmett, you too may come back to school on Thursday."
We all stood up and left his office and made our way out to the parking lot. There was a heavy silence that hung in the air as we walked. We were silent on the drive home too. But as soon as we walked into the house and sat on the couch all hell broke loose.
"YOU TOLD YOUR TEACHER YOU WERE BLACK?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" Carlisle seethed "And embarrassing your mother and I in front of the principal like that, what we do on my day off is none of yours or their concern."
"Hey, you too are just mad because we interrupted your sex," I laughed "Plus it was pretty obvious as to what you had been doing before you came, I mean Esme walks into the office with sex hair, and your shirt is buttoned wrong…"
Jasper's phone buzzed with a text. He flipped it open and read it, a look of pure horror coming across his face. He ran upstairs and I looked at Carlisle and Esme. The both had smug looks on their faces.
"NOOOOOOOO!" I heard Jasper yell from upstairs.
I bolted up and into his room where I saw it. At least half of our video games smashed on the floor, along with what used to be our x box and wii. Jasper and I just laid on the floor, mourning our loss.
"Alright boys, enough of this, take your punishment like men," Carlisle said.
"I don't wanna," I replied.
"Come on Emmett, get up, lets go downstairs," Esme said.
"Why, are you going to tell me that Santa's not real, and I have no friends?"
"No, silly, we are going to bake cookies!"
Good? Bad? Ok? Let me know. If there is anything funny you would like to see these to do, let me know.
Now perlease review!
Lots and lots of love,