Author Notes: This is actually related- sort of- to One Gesture. It's like an alternate version of it. I got the idea based off a review by Lupo669, so thanks Lupo I'm not sure what I think about this one either however… it's different from my usual oneshots, and again, rather angsty. I have lots of other oneshots currently in my head that aren't though, so I'll probably break up the Fuffy angst with one of them soon, lol.
This can take place whenever you want, depending on whether you want to rewrite canon or not. Probably post Chosen.
Faith's lips worked rapidly against Buffy's, deepening their kissing as her tongue proved its adept skill in her mouth. Buffy made soft little moans against her lips, only increasing her arousal, and she continued to stroke her hand down Buffy's back, cupping her ass before digging her fingers in slightly. Buffy almost hissed in response, arching her back, and her eyes shut tight with her pleasure as her own hand slowly pressed its way down Faith's back, noticing that she could feel no bra underneath her clingy t-shirt.
They were in bed together, lying facing each other on their sides. As Faith finally pulled her face slightly apart from Buffy's to catch her breath, she heard Buffy cry out, "Oh god…" in a shuddery, nearly ecstastic whisper that made a grin automatically spread across her face. Both were breathing heavily, their heartbeats rapid with their excitement, and Faith could hardly stand to wait for any longer.
Pulling her body more fully away from Buffy's, she began to strip her shirt off hurriedly. Tossing it aside, she started to roll Buffy over onto her back, straddling her, as usual. She reached for Buffy's shirt hem… but to her surprise, Buffy covered her hands with her own gently, meeting her eyes. She was still nearly panting, but the desire in her gaze was paired with something softer. Something like affection, a love for her to go along with her lust.
"Why don't you let me be on top today?" she said huskily, and it was that voice as much as her words that caused Faith to swallow, her eyes darting away. "You always get to be in control, Faith… sometimes I might like to play a little rough too, you know…"
Faith stiffened slightly, hesitating; this was something they had never done before, that Buffy had never mentioned wanting. This was something… something she had never wanted.
But this was Buffy asking her… this was Buffy, her B, her… whatever it was that they were to each other, something Faith still could not quite figure out. Her lover, her best friend, her girlfriend, her sister Slayer… the other half of the Chosen Two. Whatever she was to Buffy, she knew what Buffy was to her… she was her world. She was the reason Faith was still here, in more ways than one.
Buffy could hardly have missed the way Faith had tensed at her request, pulling away from her slightly. Her brow furrowed in concern, and already the moment was beginning to slip away as she reached to touch her face, trying to catch her eye once more.
"Faith… what's wrong, sweetie?"
Faith swallowed again, making herself turn her face to look Buffy in the eye. She forced her muscles to loosen, forced herself to smile, hoping that it looked as reckless and lustful, sexy and unfazed, as it had before.
This was stupid, completely fuckin' stupid. This was Buffy, this was B… this was B…
"Nothin', B," she said with deliberate carelessness. "Just not so sure you know how to steer around the curves without a little instruction…"
Buffy smirked at that, pretending to be miffed, but Faith saw the wicked sparkle light itself in her eye.
"Oh, I don't need instructions, F," she said in a mock dark tone, her eyebrow lifting. "I'm giving them."
With that, she pushed Faith off of her, not hard enough to really hurt her or topple her off the bed, but enough so that she could easily extract herself from underneath her. Flipping Faith onto her back beside her, Buffy climbed on top of her, straddling her with slow, exaggerated pointed intent and aggression.
Already Faith's heart was pounding… already her mouth was going dry, her palms clammy. Already her eyes darted to the side, as her muscles drew together, and she instinctively looked for an escape. She felt trapped, threatened, nearly claustrophobic at the feel of Buffy on top of her, leering down at her with arrogant playfulness- even though her weight was slight, her expression one of pretense. Her mood was killed, her libido flattened almost to nothing… for the first time during sex or foreplay with Buffy, all Faith wanted was for it to be over.
Buffy didn't seem to realize this, however; she seemed to think that the tension of Faith's body beneath hers, her uptight, averted face, was only acting, that she was getting into the game.
And it IS a game, Faith told herself fiercely, it's a GAME, nothing you've never done before… just because you're not the one with the whip this time… that doesn't mean…
"That's right, don't' look at me!" Buffy barked suddenly, and Faith flinched, shocked at the harshness of her tone. As her eyes went up to Buffy's instinctively, meaning to reassure herself again that it was a game, that it was sexy, Buffy seized her by the shoulders, shaking her.
"I said not to look at me, you horrible little… bad, bad girl! You, you are not worthy to raise your eyes to me! Now, now I'll have to punish you… a bad, very bad punishment!"
If this had been any other time… if it had been anyone but her underneath Buffy, Faith would have been laughing hysterically- or possibly drooling- at the 'tough dominatrix' look on her face, at her attempts to 'rough' talk while 'dominating' her. But it WAS her under Buffy… and even though she continued to repeat to herself that it was just a game, a game that Buffy wasn't even very good at, she could not slow down her racing heartbeat, could not get a normal breath… and still a dread, almost panic knotted itself inside her painfully, making any words she said to herself lies.
Game, it's a game, stop being a fuckin' wuss! It's a game… it's…
Buffy grabbed a handful of Faith's thick hair, yanking her head back so that her throat was exposed. It didn't hurt, but still Faith's heart leapt, her pulse throbbing noticeably in her neck as she struggled to
make herself hold still, to swallow back the swearing trying to break out of her. Buffy, still holding her hair in one hand, captured her wrists in the other, holding them up over Faith's head as she began to kiss her deeply, almost roughly. Faith could not get into it, could respond only automatically. The entire time was a struggle not to scream, to bite down hard- and deliberately- on Buffy's tongue. Anything to get it out of her mouth- anything to get her off of her, before-
Game. Game, game, GAME, Faith…
Again, Buffy didn't seem to notice that anything was off about Faith's responses, or if she did, she thought that she was still playing along as the 'victim' or 'servant'. Pulling away from her, releasing her hair so quickly that Faith's head jerked forward a little, she leered at her once more, her voice still attempting to be harsher and huskier than usual.
"You liked that, didn't you? I know you liked that, you little slut- you, you little whore! Now, now take off your pants! No, no, take off MY pants… no, I'LL take off your pants! Yes, uh, your mistress has spoken… so, so listen, you, you filthy little skank!"
Apparently satisfied that she'd sounded dominatrix-y enough for the moment- indecisive, yes, but dominatrix-y- Buffy reached for Faith's zipper. But as she unbuttoned, then unzipped her pants quickly, then reached inside them, Faith froze…
"Hold still, you little bitch… stop screamin', I'll show you what fuckin' hurt is!"
"Stop cryin'… I said, shut UP, you little cunt! You asked for it, you were begging for it, you whore…"
"Blood on the sheets…got blood on the sheets, you filthy bitch, what the hell were you doin'?"
"You wanted it…"
"You liked it…"
"You asked for it…"
"Slut… skank… bitch… whore…"
"NO!" Faith shrieked, trying with her words to overpower the voices, drown out the slurred sentences she could hear so clearly, the faces she saw as if they were all circled around her. "NO! SHUT UP, GET OFF OF ME! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"
Buffy's eyes widened in shock and alarm, and she hurriedly pulled her hand out of Faith's pants, her face clearly showing her rush of concern as she frowned, worried, bewildered.
"Faith? Faith, what's wrong, baby- Faith-"
She tried to take Faith's hands, but Faith, still wild with panic and fear, her adrenaline at its height, shoved her away from her as hard as she could, hands hitting out at her blindly. One struck her in the chest, the other, across the face, one finger accidentally jabbing her in the eye. Buffy cried out in pain, stunned, and toppled off of her. Faith barely registered this, was hardly aware of what she had done, that she had hurt her. All she knew was that Buffy's weight was off of her, and she jumped up, running clumsily for the door.
She had barely stumbled into the hallway before her tears had started, harsh, loud, infuriating and embarrassing her. And yet she could not stop them, could not keep them from scalding her cheeks, bursting raw from her throat. She could hardly see where she was going, but still she felt her way blindly down the hall, needing to escape. To where, and from what, she didn't know… Faith only knew she felt that she was suffocating, that she was being violated in mind as well as body by staying.
She had only gone a few steps before she heard Buffy burst out of the bedroom door, coming after her hurriedly. She squeezed past Faith, stopping in front of her so she could not get by her easily. When
Faith, fear rising sharply in her again, however irrationally, tried to push her way past her, Buffy took her by the shoulders firmly yet gently, making her stay put.
"Faith… Faith, what's wrong? I don't' understand, it was just a game! You knew that, didn't you? We've played before… Faith…"
She trailed off, still holding Faith's shoulders, still trying to look into her face. Faith had stopped trying to pull away from her and was just standing limply now in her grasp, her chest still heaving with sobs as she bowed her head, letting her hair hang down to conceal her face. Slowly, cautiously Buffy reached out a hand to touch Faith's chin, carefully lifting her face so that she could see her. Faith did not try to pull away this time, just continued to cry with more weakness now than the harshness of before.
It was beginning to sink in even more deeply now, the mortification of her reaction… and the shame. Looking into Buffy's face, seeing the love and anxiety for her in her eyes, the pucker of her brow, where her eyes was slightly red from where her finger had jabbed into it… god, it made something in Faith's stomach twist even more tightly. She didn't deserve that… she was so stupid, so fuckin' stupid…
"Faith," Buffy was saying, and her voice was growing upset, her hand drifting up to Faith's head, caressing her hair with slightly shaking fingers. "Sweetie, you know that was just a game… don't you? I didn't mean it. None of what I said… I was just trying to get into it. Like in a movie or something. I thought you knew that… we've DONE that before. YOU'VE done that before. In fact, it's always BEEN you before… you were always the one on top the one…"
It seemed to hit her then, exactly what she was saying, the meaning behind it… and consequently, the meaning of Faith's extreme reaction. As Buffy's eyes widened with sudden, shocked understanding, her face paling, her mouth opened slightly; she seemed momentarily unable to speak. Faith thought she heard her shuddery intake of breath, thought she saw Buffy's eyes shine with sudden tears even as she continued to shed her own, still not quite able to make herself stop.
Almost abruptly Buffy was pulling Faith into her arms, pulling her face to her chest as she hugged her fiercely, not seeming to notice Faith's naked torso, or sagging, unzipped pants as she stroked her from shoulder to the small of her back with trembling fingers. Faith gritted her teeth, swallowing hard, bracing herself to fight the renewed panic she knew would arise in the circle of Buffy's arms… but to her shock and relief, it never came.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry," Buffy whispered, and she could hear the tears clouding the blonde's voice as well. "I'm so sorry…"
She held her, trying with murmured words and gentle touch to soothe away the memories that still carried a sting sharp and vicious enough to deeply shake her. She held her, and tried in her own way to replace them with her love and understanding…