Chapter 32 - My new life

Moving to New York was one of the strangest experiences of my life. The city was just full of life 24/7, you couldn't go outside for a peaceful walk without seeing someone. Cars were constantly driving by, the city was alight with activity all day every day and there was more people than I ever thought possible. Working in the hospital was a whole new ball game, teaching med students to do their jobs when it was constantly like a eight car pileup had taken place was exhausting some days, yet thrilling the next.

Sammy's doctor was amazing and really helped him in a way that wouldn't have been possible if I had stayed at sacred heart. To see the improvements in him week after week made all the stress of work worthwhile. He was never not like any other child his age, and while he had limitations to his movement, he was just a regular happy child who you never would have guessed was once so close to death.

His birth triggered the start of the hardest time of my life, yet he also brought on some of the happiest. He made everything worthwhile and there is not one thing I regret when it comes to him. My grief counsellor suggested that writing everything that happened down, my thoughts and feelings regarding Kim's death and everything that followed, would help me make sense of it. So that is exactly what I have done. I hope to one day, when Sammy is old enough to not hear just the fairy tale version of his mother and what happened to her, to give him this diary, so he can better understand what happened and just how much he was always loved. I know it shows my mistakes, and the mistakes and redemption of my friends, but that's okay. I want my son to know everything and know that everyone makes mistakes, that it doesn't make you a bad person, that the important thing is learning from them and accepting that sometimes you can't do things alone.

I feel this chapter of my life is now over, and I no longer need to rely on a thoughts journal to get out the emotions I feel inside me..I have my friends, my brother and my son and that is all that matters. While I will forever love Kim, life does move on and so have I, however a piece of my heart will always hold on to her . So for now, I close the last page of this book, until the time comes to show it to my beautiful baby boy who is one today.

Sammy, if you are reading this, just know your mother loved you very much and so do I. You kept the shadows from taking me and for that I owe you the world. Whatever your life becomes my son, know I will always be there for you and will support you though and though. And know, no matter what goes on in your world, there will always be a light desperately trying to break its way through the darkness, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time.

We are living proof of that.


5 years later

Getting out of the taxi, JD handed the driver some cash before reaching into the back to help his son out and ensure they had all of his belongings. At six years old Sammy was the spitting image of his mother, the only feature JD could confidently say his son had inherited from him was his goofy grin, everything else was all her, right down to his cute little toes.

Today they stepped foot for the first time since Elliot's almost wedding in the town JD had spent the beginning of his doctoring career at. A lot had changed since then, Doctor Cox was now Chief of medicine at sacred heart, Turk had become chief of surgery, the hospital had been rebuilt about a mile down the road. The janitor had disappeared after taking one of his 'torture the interns' pranks a little too far and Keith... well none of them were entirely sure where he had ended up, being dumped at the altar because your bride had decided you weren't the one for her, wasn't the most confidence giving experience. He hadn't been seen since, he just upped and left... after trashing her house and writing whore all along the walls of course.

People who still worked at sacred heart, who knew the couple, often joked that Elliot had killed him, though the police were quick to disprove this theory.

"JD can you grab Charlie?" A voice called out, snapping JD from his thoughts as he stared up at the name sake of the building he once worked at. Smiling over to the blonde, JD nodded and reached around to unbuckle a three year old little boy. Doctor Cox was throwing his daughter Jenifer Dylan a birthday party and had insisted that everyone be there, whether it meant travelling from New York or half way across the world.

"Daddy, is Uncle Dan gunna be at the party?" Six year old Sammy called out as he reached over and took his dad's spare hand. The physiotherapy had done the youngster the world of good and he had regained almost complete control of his legs, while his ankles tilted slight more inwards than other peoples, making it harder for him to stay on his feet and stay balanced for prolonged periods of time, he was perfectly capable of walking and even running for short distances. He was as stubborn as his parents however and the doctors were confident his muscles would get stronger and stronger as he aged.

"Of course, He had some stuff to do so he's going to be meeting us a little later with Pammy." JD replied, throwing Charlie slightly higher in his arms as he felt the child slipping. "Ready to have fun?" He continued, causing the little boy to squeal and attempt to pull his father towards the hospital.

"I still think this is a weird place to hold a birthday party." Elliot piped up as she waved the taxi of and gathered the presents in her arms. When her Engagement had broken down so dramatically, she felt she couldn't cope with all the rumours flying around Sacred heart and all the looks she was constantly given so had upped and left to visit JD in New York, and had subsequently never left.

"When has Perry ever done anything normally." JD retorted, causing the blonde to roll her eyes and nod in agreement as they headed inside. "Besides he's the chief, he can do anything he wants."

The layout of the building, surprisingly wasn't much different to the original, making it shockingly easy to locate the cafeteria where the party was being held.

"You okay with being back here?" JD asked, as he noticed a few people giving them an odd look.

"Yeah, if people don't like it they can... shove it where the sun don't shine." She replied, taking a quick glance at the children to make sure they hadn't gotten the meaning behind the reference.

They hadn't.

They were both to engaged in staring at all the balloons and food and the random clown stolen from paediatrics in the corner.

"I can't believe everything that has happened since the last time we were here." Elliot continued, glancing around the room at all the familiar faces as memories of the past flowed though her mind. "If you had told me I would end up being Mrs Elliot Dorian with two kids back then I'd have laughed in your face."

JD just raised his eyebrows playfully in response and elbowed her in the side, causing the blonde to let out a small laugh. Shaking his head, JD finally put the floppy haired child down on the floor and encouraged him and Sammy to go and play with the others. It was so strange seeing them together, you would never in a million years have thought they were related. While Sammy had blonde locks, Charlie was brunet, Sammy had a small overall shaped face, while Charlie had a squarer one with a much more defined jaw. They were also complete polar opposites of each other in terms of personality, reminding JD much of him and Dan when they were younger with their constant arguing.

"Okay boys." JD called out just before the duo ran off to go and play. " Remember the ground rules?"

"No pin-chin, no figh-in,no being wude" Charlie replied, his thumb placed firmly in his mouth as he looked up at the adults with his most well rehearsed puppy dog eyes.

"Right, and Sammy?" JD continued turning his attention to his six year old who pouted slightly.

"No crisps, they are too salty and only eat small bits if I'm hungry. You can have fun at a party without eating silly." He replied, in a voice which sounded a little too serious for someone so young. JD had thought long and hard about what to tell his son regarding his transplant throughout the first few years of his life and thankfully had managed to do it, using some silly puppets and some re hashed Disney stories, so that the six year old was now beginning to understand more and more the importance of sticking to his diet.

There had been many arguments and tantrums since Sammy became old enough to talk and realise other kids could eat things that he wasn't allowed to, but for the most part he was now starting to listen to his family and choosing not to eat the food that was around him, instead of it having to be kept out of his reach.

"Can I have a little cake though, cus its not fair if Charlie and all the others get some and I don't." Sammy continued as he eyed the colourful birthday cake that filled the table at the other side of the room.

"Ofcourse you can, its a party! You've got to have cake at a party! Just remember.." JD responded, as he crouched down to his son's level.

"I've got to help the peter pan medcine fight of the bad pirates that want to make my kidneys poorly sick!" Sammy finished for him with a grin. "So I got to make sure I don't eat the bad stuff...much.. so it doesnt make peter pan sick so he cant stop captain hook making my tummy bad." At his father's proud nod, the boy jumped forward and reached into JD's coat pocket, pulling out the pirate and peter pan action figures he always kept in there. Then using the peter pan one sent the pirate crashing to the ground with a laugh. "CAPTAIN HOOK WONT WIN"

Confident that the blonde knew what he was talking about and wasn't planning on breaking the food safety rules they had in place, JD got back to his feet, twirled his finger around in a circle and both boys soon shot of towards the other kids and the various play objects that scattered the room. For a while both he and Elliot just stood there watching them play with the others, their hearts swelling with love as they watched their happy faces. Until a figure seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of them that is.

"J-dog! Welcome back five!" Snapping out of his trance, JD jerked backwards as a hand came flying towards him, that was definitely one thing he had not missed about this place. Grimacing slightly he held his hand up and braced himself for the inevitable impact, he was not left disappointed when seconds later an almightily sting shot though his palm and down his arm.

"Todd, I didn't expect you to have been invited to the party." JD said with a look of confusion as he tried his hardest to fight the urge to shake his hand of, a todd-five was defiantly something that you had to experience on a regular bases to not to want to go for an x-ray seconds after it was over.

"Invited? I just heard there was free food?" The man replied with a shrug, before his eyes landed on the buffet table and he grinned, waved and left again, on a mission to steal as many little fairy cakes with mermaid shaped icing figures, as possible.

Elliot once again laughed as she watched the antics, before pulling her phone out of her pocket and indicating she was just stepping outside to make a phone call. With a nod in her direction and some quick reflexes to catch the bag of presents she threw his way, JD made his way further into the room and glanced around, scanning the area for someone to go catch up with. Seeing the presents table of to the end corner of the room, he tried his best to side step the kids that were running around and headed straight for it.

Placing the bag within the pile of other gifts, JD let out a soft sigh. His eyes soon slipped sideways however as he noticed a familiar bald headed shadow appear to his right. Their eyes seemed to meet at the same time and the two men found themselves turning to face each other, a strange sort of atmosphere growing around them.

"JD"

"Turk"

They said in union, shaking their heads and grinning slightly.

"How've you been?" Turk asked, shuffling slightly on his feet as he stepped slightly to the side to allow Carla the change to join them.

"Good... busy" He replied, glancing over to Carla and giving her a warm smile, one she hesitently returned as she approached the two boys, a small baby held firmly in her arms. "You know how It is, Im telling you, New York is Cazzzy, you thought this place was bad on a Friday night, I don't know what the kids get up to out there, but there's at least double the trouble every week." He continued as his eyes wondered down to the dark skinned little baby. "And this must be little Christopher! God he's the spit of you Turk!"

"I know right, he's going to be Daddy's little basketball champ I'm telling you!" Turk replied as he took the baby of his wife and held him up in the air slightly. "I mean look at those legs, don't they just scream future star!"

Carla rolled her eyes at that, having been the main topic of conversation since she had given birth to their third child just five months ago. She remembered oh so clearly the conversation Turk had had with JD on the subject when he called him up to scream he finally had a son. Not that he didn't love Isabella and Grace to pieces, but it was always his dream to have a little boy and it had finally happened for them after months of IVF.

"They scream, these are what I spend my time kicking mummy with." She joked, before her attention was captured by her youngest daughter, who had come over and was currently grabbing at her fingers to pull her off somewhere. "I'll see you boys after, nice seeing you again JD"

While things had definitely improved between them, Carla and JD's relationship had remained strained. Too much had happened for them to just go back to how they were. She never really apologised to him for how things went all those years ago, in fact on the few occasions they had seen each other since, they only really made polite small talk. Dan had put Carla though hell the day he took Izzy and JD was his brother, no amount of talking to each other could change that. Despite Carla being Elliot's best friend, when she had heard about the wedding she just couldn't bring herself to attend, she didn't even want to be in the same zip code as Dan. Turk pretty much felt the same way, he however had attended, because simply getting that invitation meant that JD was ready to see him, and after all they had been though, he couldn't bring himself to ignore the opportunity for the two of them to finally talk again.

While things were awkward to say the least, they had managed to put everything behind them and move on with their lives. They weren't nearly as close as before and didn't really discuss the deep and meaningful things, but they made sure to call each other every couple of weeks just to catch up. Still the whole thing left a massive elephant in the room, one they just had to force themselves to ignore.

"How's Sammy doing?" Turk asked after his wife had been well and truly dragged off to go play with some princess something or another. JD turned slightly, so he was stood side by side with Turk, leaning against the presents table and just watching everything that was going on around them, including of course what Sammy and little Charlie were up to.

"Really good, I mean he has to go for kidney function tests, but so far there's been no signs that anything's wrong, he hates the anti rejection drugs he has to take, but he's obsessed with peter pan and never land so we tell him it's his peter pan medicine now and its seems to go down better. I don't think he fully understands why we have to control his diet so much yet, but he seems to be getting it more and more these days and doesn't try and sneak food anymore" JD explained, grinning to himself as he watched Sammy take Jenifer's hand and run into the princess play house trying to escape the 'monsters'.

That boy had as big of an imagination as him.

"Well thats good to hear!" Turk continued, his own eyes searching out his eldest child, who had by now joined her mother and sister and was sprinkling bits of confetti over them and a slightly irritated looking Jordan. With a slight bolt he soon realised the days of him and JD wishing their kids would grow up and get married were well and truly over.

Spotting Elliot walking back into the room, Turk tried to ignore how uncomfortable he felt as she walked straight past Carla, neither of them really even acknowledging each other. Things got seriously bad between them after that wedding invitation appeared, so bad that they barely ever even wanted to hear the other ones name. The argument they had on the phone that day had been one of the worst he had ever heard, he had actually resorted to taking the kids out of their home for the day, just so they wouldn't have to hear the language coming out of their mother's mouth.

"Does it ever get confusing? With two doctor Dorian's running around your hospital?" Turk asked carefully, still even after all this time, not quite working out how he felt about the whole thing. Glancing slightly towards Turk, JD shrugged and waved the blonde over, cringing slightly as she nearly ran into a ginger haired child and the look that quickly appeared on her face. While she had got slightly better at hiding her hatred for red heads, sometimes it was as plane as glass to see.

"Not really, we work in different departments." He said with a shrug, smiling warmly at the woman who had been so many things to him over the years approached them.

"Dan's here, he's just doing his Daddy duties with Pammy and a diaper and he'll be right in." She quickly explained, placing her phone back in her pocket and giving Turk a brief wave. They never really knew how to react to each other anymore, not after things had gone the way they had with Carla. If JD was being honest with himself, he could totally understand why she reacted the way she did, if her brother had taken Sammy, there wouldn't be a thing on earth which would ever cool his rage towards the whole family.

Her hating them seemed pretty reasonable. He'd talked to Dan about it when the whole wedding issue had come up, asking how he could have resorted to such a thing, if he was honest the fact he had, scared him a little. He never thought his brother would be capable of hurting someone like that, physically yes, he'd been in plenty of fights, but that was one cruel mind game he had played. Still he was his brother, and blood was thicker than water, especially after all the help he had given him over the years. Hell he had moved his whole life for JD and Sammy.

"Dan!" JD called out, trying to ignore how he noticed Carla's whole body stiffen and her hands clench as she noticed the man in question walk into the room. In his arms was an adorable little Asian toddler, with dark brown hair bunched into tiny pigtails and ribbons.

Grinning as he caught sight of them, Dan automatically headed towards the trio, his arm finding its way around Elliots waist and pulling her into him as soon as he did.

"Hey Sexy" He mumbled, causing Elliot to giggle as she turned herself into him and planted a kiss on his neck.

"Hey yourself" She replied, winking at the other two who both turned their heads away from the scene and pulled a face. The PDA they showed in public left little to the imagination on what happened behind closed doors.

"is this not weird for you?" Turk directed towards JD, his voice going slightly high pitched as he tried to block out the sight in front of him. JD grimaced slightly as he reached forward and took little Pammy out of Dan's arms and covered her eyes. She was far too young to be in the middle of that.

"Incredibly, but what can you do." He relied, trying to ignore his brother rubbing at Elliot's not yet even noticeable swollen belly. No one had been more shocked than him when, just a few months after Elliot had moved to New York, he had gone around Dan's to collect something, only to find the two of them doing 'it' in the kitchen. At the time he had given them a few months tops, then they got married, had Charlie, adopted a little girl who was orphaned in a crash Elliot had been the Doctor to and eventually announced their 'activities' had lead to her falling pregnant again. It had been a strange couple of years, but as a family the soon to be seven of them really seemed to work.

Spotting Doctor Cox at the other end of the room, JD grinned, placed Pammy on the floor so she could crawl after the others and quickly excused himself from the group.

"PERRRY"He called, causing the older man to freeze and glance in his direction, before backing away slowly as the man ran towards him, arms open.

"No, No, No!" He cried out, before leggining it in circles around the room, JD hot on his tail, much to the amusement of all the kids, who stopped what they were doing to watch the pair, the laughter increasing as the chief of medicine nearly went flying over a giant ball.

Yes it had been a strange couple of years, but JD could honestly say after getting Sammy home, he wouldn't change a thing, things may not have always been normal and they were far from perfect, but they were all pretty happy with their lives and although it was pretty different to how things once were, things could be a hell of a lot worse. One day, Sammy probably would have to have a second transplant, but for now, he was happy, healthy and full of life and that was all that JD and Kim could have ever have dreamt for him.

The end..

(a/n) Oh my God, its finally over! Its taken Five years but have finally finished this! Thank you so much for everyone who has stuck with the story and even to the people just picking it up. Hope you all enjoyed it and the last chapter fitted okay!

So for one last time, Please review :D