chapter 1

disclaimer: i don't not own twilight

6 months after Edward left.

My life has been a lie. Everything I have lived for has been a lie. Why did I have to believe him the first time he told me he loved me, Now Jake won't even talk to me. I don't know what to do. Man why cant I just die. I wonder everyday if there is a way to escape this prison. I hate this why is it always about him, I cant do this anymore I hurt to much. I need to find a release from my prison of internal hurt.

"I got it" I said to myself as I got off my bed and headed for the bathroom

I was thinking of taking a bath to try to help ease the pain, but I had a better idea I striped my clothes off and turned the water on. I pulled it out of the medicine cabinet and placed it on the side of the tub when I got in. I could feel the water relaxing my body as I sat there to think.

Could I do this? could I really cut myself? I had to try it was the only way I could think of to release the pain. My boyfriend didn't want me, My best friend didn't want me, and my dad sure the hell didn't want me.

My mom told me she was pregnant and she couldn't take me in either, not in her state. So I was stuck here with no friends and no one to love me. Charlie started to drink about a month after he left me because he couldn't handle me being like this. Broken and in my own little prison of torture and pain. He hits me if I talk to him, he said he hated me and he doesn't want me to live here if I cant find a job in the next month. I cant take this anymore.

I grabbed the razer blade from the side of the tub and put it to my wrist. I dug deep into my skin as hard as a weak little human girl can go and I slid the blade across my wrist. I seen the blood and for once I didn't faint I just watched as it leaked out of my wrist, turning the water red.

I heard a knock on the door "shit" I whispered to myself " yeah " I asked

"Bella what are you doing in there" Charlie asked

"Nothing... I'm taking a bath " I said trying to keep my voice clam.

" Well you have been in there for over a hour" he stated " I need to go for a piss"

" Okay Ill be out in a minute" I said.

Shit what the hell am I going to do? I got out of the tub and pulled the pug. I grab a towel and warped it around my body, I found a wash cloth and put it around my wrist and hid the razer blade. I peeked out of the bathroom door to see if Charlie had gone down stairs again. I didn't see him so I ran across the hall to my room and locked the door.

I got dressed and looked at my wrist it had stop bleeding and for once since he left, I felt better.

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A month later

Ive been cutting myself for over a month and no one seems to notice, which is a good thing. I don't want anybody to know I have been cutting over that stupid beautiful vampire. he was so beautiful, and his lip against mine was intoxicating. "NO STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM" I thought to myself I cant think about him it causes more pain that I cant take.

I decided to take out my homework and start working on it. I pulled out the pen and paper so I could start my song for English. The assignment was to write a song that is from your heart "great" I thought to myself.

The next day in English class the teacher wanted us to read our songs to the whole class "can my life get any worse" I thought to myself.

"Hey Bella I bet your song is going to suck" Lauren said with a smirk.

"Well" I said " At least mine isn't going to sound like a child wrote it"

"Just shut up Bella... you don't even know what your taking about" she said this like the was going to cry.

"Whatever"

"Ms. Swan" the teacher said. Oh god can this get any worst.

I got out of my seat and walked to the front of the class room, with my song in my hand. I cleared my throat and started.

" This song is called not be saved" I said to the class.

who am I

is my reflection lying to me

I leave my heart to wonder

are all my questions answered

I never know what to say

when I see myself through the glass

if my heart was to shatter

would my reflection too

I've cut my hands

trying to put my reflection back together

is this who I am

a person who would shatter the angel starring

through the mirror

please write me the definition of hurt

its written upon their graves

tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved

I guess once more

I shall never know for sure

where my life ends

shall I take it now

when my entire soul is burning down

looking down at my reflection of shattered glass

my mirror was broken

with memories of my past

why is it so hard at times

with this burden to burn

no one really gives a care

trying to my heart back together

is like playing with broken glass

I'm bound to get cut by Sharpe edges

I've cut my hands

trying to put my reflection back together

is this who is am

a person who would shatter the angel starring

through the mirror

please write my the definition of hurt

its written upon their graves

tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved

faded and so silent

so haunted by my thoughts

holding it all inside

although at night I would cry

alone watch my own soul break

no one will ever know

the pain behind my eyes

I've let myself and my fears hold me down

I used to to be so safe and sound

now all the little pieces of me don't matter

I've tried too hard

now I bleed

what have I done to myself

I've cut my hands

trying to put my reflection back together

is this who I am

a person who would shatter the angel starring

through the mirror

please write my the definition of hurt

its written upon their graves

tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved

I've cut my hands

trying to put my reflection back together

is this who I am

a person who would shatter the angel starring

through the mirror

please write my the definition of hurt

its written upon their graves

tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved

After i was done reading it to the class. Everyone was completely in awe. I don't know why, was it because of the song was really good or was it because they figured out my secret.

Tell me what you think: do you want more ... Then Review.

That song is my song I wrote. Please do not take it. Thank you love you all bye eye

Shy