Disclaimer: do not own Transformers.
Summary: A Sue parody. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.
Author note: This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. This fic was done for pure entertainment.
Honour the Canon
Somewhere in G1verse…
Optimus and a handful of other re-Canonized Autobots watched the Decepticons retreat. Then they turned to their companions, who saved them, and, unfortunately but inevitably, the Decepticons, from the brink of OOC destruction. Watching the re-Canonized Autobots carefully were the Dinobots, the Minibots, the Cassettes, as well as the humans.
Sparkplug stepped out of the cluster, looking at the Autobot leader sombrely. "Are you okay now, Optimus?"
"Yes, I am," Optimus said, subspacing his weapon. "I believe that I speak for all of us—" he continued, gesturing to himself and to the re-Canonized comrades, which included Jazz, Prowl, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, "—when I thank you for saving us from a great and terrible evil."
"That's disgusting!" Sunstreaker burst out suddenly, having just noticed the lipstick marks that marred his paintjob. "Did I really let an organic whelp do that to me?!"
"Yup," Spike said, who, despite everything, grinned broadly. "I have the pictures to prove it." Sunstreaker just glared at the human and gave a good punch to the arm to his snickering brother. Bumblebee put a hand on Spike's shoulder, giving a shaky grin. Bumblebee had been anxiously watching the elaborately set-up and painfully clichéd "hostage situation" play itself out, and snatched the human out of harm's way once everyone was back In Character.
"I'd hate to ask, but what was that thing?" Jazz asked, shaking his head to shake off lingering OOCness. He was pointing to the spot where the invader and harbinger of doom seemed to just have…imploded. There was a dent on the metal table, nothing more. "What kind of being can mess with Canon like that? I was wearing jeans! Not cool, man. Not cool."
"That was the Sue," Spike told them.
"Not human, just human-shaped," Bumblebee supplied.
"And she nearly destroyed our Canon."
"Do you think she's gone?" Prowl asked. All of them were looking at that spot.
"Well, she did say, 'Drat, guess it's off to the next 'verse,'" Sparkplug said, shaking his head. "I'm taking that as a no."
"Optimus!" Wheeljack said suddenly, looking up from his computations. "I found out where she went."
"Where?" everyone demanded in unison.
He looked at them, expression grim. "Movieverse."
Somewhere in Movieverse…
It was 11 o'clock on a Saturday morning. Sam went downstairs, two steps at a time, opened the refrigerator, and proceeded to guzzle milk straight from the carton. Mikaela, Bumblebee, and Sam were supposed to be going to the beach, and he was—
Sam spat out his milk, choking. He whirled around, and his eyes widened. An impossibly thin yet somehow amazingly buxom girl was seated at the table, looking at him with wide green-emerald-lettuce-grass-leaf-you-get-the-picture eyes. Her long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, spilling over the table. She looked about eighteen to twenty-one years old.
"Uh," he said finally, wiping the rather unattractive milk dribble going down his chin. "Not that I mean to be rude or anything, but who are you, and what are you doing in my house?"
"Aw, Sammy, you silly-billy," she said, blinding him with her impossibly white smile. "I'm your older sister, Estellamaria. Remember? I came back from college just to take care of little ol' you, and I don't mean to be friends-yet-something-more with any of your eccentric companions at all."
Sam blinked. "I don't have a sister," he said slowly. He didn't, right? Well, not at this point, considering that there was only one Movie and a couple of Books and Graphic Novels to put into their 'verse. So, right now…No way. He'd remember if he had a sister.
She waved his concern away. "Of course not. Who said that I was your sister? Silly boy, I'm your mechanically inclined genius cousin, Trishabelle, who is here to help you." She looked at him with her blue-violet-indigo-deep sea-sky-you-get-the-picture eyes. Sam blinked again.
"Weren't your eyes green just a minute ago?"
"Sam!" his mother scolded, coming in from the house and taking off her gardening gloves. "Is that any way to talk to your baby sister? Why must you always be so mean to her?"
"Mom! Sammy's being mean to me again!"
"Aw, he didn't mean to be so rude, Scarlettapooky," his mother crooned, stroking the girl's red-scarlet-orange-yellow-sunlight-fire-you-get-the-picture hair. "He's just jealous because you're our favourite."
"Okay," Sam said, drawing out the word and turning back to raid the fridge. "What the heck's going on?" he muttered.
"Sam, you're going to the beach today, right?" his mother said, her tone changing drastically as she snapped at him. Sam did a double-take. That definitely wasn't Canon. What had happened to his mother?
"Don't take that tone with me, young man! Now you make yourself useful and take Laurenleana with you."
That snapped Sam out of his confusion-induced haze. "But, Mom!"
"Do as your mother says, Sam," his father said sternly. Sam did another double-take. A Plot-Hole? So early in the morning?
"Dad? Where did you come from? You kinda just popped outta nowhere…"
"Enough of your useless questions! Take your strangely young yet nevertheless beautiful aunt, Melamarguerita, to the beach already!"
Sam looked at his mother, then at his father, then at this…this stranger sitting primly between them, her purple-violet-lavendar-lilac-grape-you-get-the-picture orbs just radiating with goodness and lubby-dubby feelings.
Again, what the heck was going on?
He had to get her away from his parents.
"Uh, sure," he said, picking up a grinning whats-her-name and leading her to outside. Once on the pathway, he stopped and turned to her.
"Okay, who the hell are you, and what have you done to my parents?" he demanded.
The thing just smiled at him. "Aw, what are you worried about, little Sam?" she said, smiling sweetly. "I'm just here to help. And our parents—"
"Our parents, are exactly the way they should be."
Sam just looked at her. "What do you mean by that?"
"Sam!" Bumblebee's voice rang out clearly, and Sam's attention snapped towards him, startled. Bumblebee never did that—not in that volume, at least. Not with so many people around.
But though there was a strange number of people walking their dogs and tending to their garden, no one seemed to have notice.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Bumblebee demanded.
"But, 'Bee, you never—the whole "hiding in plain sight" thing? That ring a bell? You never introduce yourself!"
"Hi, I'm Yazymarina," she said, flicking her hair backwards and hitting Sam in the face. "Sorry about my partner. He's so rude sometimes."
"That's okay," Bumblebee said. "Come on in." He then popped open his driver's seat, and whats-her-name slid easily into it. Baffled, Sam sat in the passenger's seat.
"Aw, thanks, 'Bee. You're such a sweety," she crooned.
"Thanks," Bumblebee said.
"Bumblebee? Are you feeling okay?" Sam asked anxiously.
"I feel fine, random human boy," Bumblebee said dreamily. "Just fine."
"Sam, Bumblebee said he's just fine," she said, giving him a pointed look. What he saw there chilled him more and made him more scared than when he was being chased around by Megatron during the Movie.
However, Sam wasn't about to leave Bumblebee to this girl, and besides, he had locked the doors.
Sam still didn't know what was going on—it seemed as though the whole of Movieverse was going loopy, and going fast—but he did know that 1) This girl had something to do with it but 2) Having an all-out yelling contest with this person would not help matters and 3) he needed backup.
"Okay," he said amiably, forcing down his panic and deciding to play along. "So let's go get Mikaela."
"Who?" both Bumblebee and whats-her-name asked.
"Mikaela? You know? Really good-looking, talented, funny? My girlfriend?"
"We don't need to get her, we can just go to the beach, all by ourselves," Bumblebee continued in that dreamy tone.
"That's right, Bumblebee," she said. "We don't need another Strong Female Character when we have me."
"But—but—" Okay, he needed a good reason here…Go on instinct. Got it. "But we have the Autobot, the hot girl, the dork, so we need the bitchy counterpart to make the hot girl look even more special."
"Okay, then!" she said, all perky again.
They made it to Mikaela's house in record time, even though Bumblebee had whined and grumbled the entire way.
"Uh, guys…?" Mikaela said, pulling open the passenger door and surprised to see Sam there. Then she saw who was in the driver's seat.
"Who are you?"
"Oh, hi, Mikaela!" she said, blinding both Sam and Mikaela with her ridiculous smile. "Silly-billy, I'm your older sister, Marietreena!"
She stared, and Sam knew what she was going to say next.
"I don't have a sister," she said.
"Are we going to sit here chatting all day, or are we going to the beach?" Bumblebee whined.
Mikaela could only stare, and Sam gently tugged her inside.
"Something's wrong," he hissed.
"Well, duh," she said. "What the heck's up with that girl? And what happened to Bumblebee?"
"Let's find out. It's not like we can leave Bumblebee with her."
Bumblebee and the girl were oblivious to their whispering, because to Bumblebee, the only thing that existed was him and his won twu lub, and the girl was lapping up the attention.