So, this one is a bit different from the ones I've done before, but it sounded funny in head, so I decided to give it a try. Hope you like it!!
Disclaimer on profile.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another great episode of Willy's Wacky Dating Show!" The booming voice carried across the rows of spectators. "I am Willy, your happy host and I can't wait to show you the wonderful people we've got lined up today! In just a few moments, our lucky bachelorette and three handsome contestants will join me on stage! It's going to be WACKY!!"
The crowd screamed in anticipation. They stomped their feet and smacked their hands together thunderously. The surge of sound echoed backstage where young Kari Kamiya was waiting.
She sat in an uncomfortable chair surrounded by make-up artists and hair stylists. They bustled around, exclaiming in fury whenever a piece of hair flew out of place or the mascara clumped on the poor girl's eyelashes. Kari herself was ignorant to this. As part of the agreement she had made when entering the show, the questions she asked her three contestants had to come from a list given to her by the manager. At first she figured it wouldn't be a problem, but now, as she observed her choices, she wanted out.
"Yolei, there is no way I can ask any of these questions. Look at them!"
Kari's best friend, Yolei, snatched the paper from her hand and read it over. She snorted and said, "You should definitely ask this one."
Kari's eyebrows scrunched up as she looked at where Yolei's finger indicated.
"Let me think about that… NO! Yolei, I'm going to die from embarrassment if I say that. Or any of these for that matter."
"Come on, Kari. Some of these aren't that bad. It'll be okay. I promise. Just relax."
Yolei was right. Everything would be fine. Positive thinking would lead her to victory… or whatever the saying was. She just needed to focus. And smile. Smile and focus.
On stage, Willy brought out the contenders. From the left side of the stage, three men emerged. They waved to the audience as they made their way across the stage, grinning with confidence. They took their respective seats and started eyeing each other up. Contestant #1, a sexy brunet glared at his opponents. The sign on his booth declared him to be "Davis", and the audience loved it. Contestant #2 was a cutie with blond hair and azure eyes that made your heart melt. His name - TK. Lastly, Contestant #3 was a gorgeously fine specimen of the male species – a heartthrob by the name of Ken. More cheering ensued as the crowd went wild.
"And now, I'd like you all to welcome our smokin' hot bachelorette, Ms. Kari Kamiya!"
Kari was pushed out onstage and directed to her spot. From that vantage point she was unable to see her victims, and they couldn't see her either.
"Alright everyone," Willy announced, "are you ready to start?!"
A resounding "YES!" nearly blew out his eardrums.
"THEN LET'S GET STARTED!!"
Kari cringed from the noise, and knew that after this was over, she wouldn't be able to hear a thing. She tried to avoid damage to her ears as much as possible. The only other time something like this had happened was when her friends had dragged her to a school dance – and right to the stage, where the speakers were. Her ears had been throbbing in time to an invisible beat for days afterwards.
Someone thrusted a microphone at Kari, and she turned it on. She hoped it worked and didn't crap out on her during the show. That would be a disaster.
She smiled and raised the microphone closer to her mouth.
The three boys greeted her back.
"Are you guys ready?"
"Hell yeah!" Davis shouted.
Kari giggled. "Alright then, if you're sure. Hmm… let's start off easy. Let's see... Contestant #1, if we got dressed up for Halloween together, what would we be?"
Davis nearly jumped out of his seat as he answered, "That's too easy. I'd go as Superman, and you'd be the damsel in distress that I rescue over and over again, and then fall in love with, of course."
Kari thought that was sweet of him. "Okay then. Superman you shall be. Contestant #2, would you be willing to give me a foot massage if I asked for one?"
In reality, Kari despised people touching her feet. Feet were icky, and there'd be no possible way she'd ever let someone touch her feet, let alone massage them.
TK was a bit stumped – what kind of questions were these anyway? – but he quickly recuperated.
"Umm.. I've never given anyone a foot massage before, but if you asked for one, I'd try my best to make you happy."
The crowed sighed at TK's generous nature. What a giver.
"Well thanks, Contestant #2. Contestant #3, my birthday is coming up soon, and I want something extraordinary, something that no one else has. What would you get me?"
Ken's answer was shy and quiet, but everyone heard. "I would give you my heart."
The sincerity of his answer shocked the throng of attendants, and a few girls burst into tears, yelling at their boyfriends and asking them why they couldn't be more like Ken.
Kari nearly shed a few tears herself, but they dried up when she thought about the literal sense of his reply. Nothing like gore to stop a girl from crying.
"That's very kind of you, Contestant #3. I appreciate your honesty. Back to Contestant #1." Kari took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she was about to say this. "If I were a popsicle, how would you eat me?"
Davis, TK, and Ken's eyes widened at Kari's question.
Davis recovered and countered with, "I'd lick you all over and make you melt in my mouth."
Kari coughed and choked. All this dirty talk was making her dizzy.
"I look forward to it, Contestant #1. Contestant #2, if I somehow got a fork stuck in my eyeball, how would you help me?"
She knew this was one of the randomer questions, but it was better than asking him if he'd jump off a bridge for her if she dropped her lip gloss.
"Well, at first I'd probably panic and hyperventilate, but then I'd call an ambulance and get you to the hospital as soon as humanly possible. And during the ride there, I'd let you hold my hand and try not to flinch as you squeeze the life out of it."
"That's a great plan, Contestant #2, but let's hope it never happens. Now, Contestant #3, boxers or briefs?"
Kari wiggled her eyebrows and prayed that no one she knew was watching this.
Ken stuttered and gulped. "N-neither." He said.
The crowd gasped in astonishment. The girls who had been crying earlier swooned at the thought of Ken going commando.
"That's very brave and daring of you, Contestant #3. I like it. Contestant #1, final question: I happen to have an overprotective older brother who scares away all the boys I date. Would you get frightened away too?"
Davis jumped up passionately and yelled, "Heck no, techno! I'd never back down!"
The spectators roared their approval. Kari nodded, liking his enthusiasm. "Alright then, Contestant #2, if we had children, what bedtime story would you tell them and why?"
TK scratched his head and responded, "I'd tell them the story of Hansel and Gretel, because that story shows that even if everything seems down and bad, it can still turn out okay. I find it a very uplifting story."
Kari giggled, recalling the story and how that witch got pushed into her own oven.
"You're right, Contestant #2. It is a very good story. Okay, Contestant #3, here's your question: My friend works at a convenience store, and sometimes guys come in to buy condoms, but they also buy 40 dollars worth of food to cover up the fact that they are buying condoms. Are you one of those kinds of guys?"
Ken blushed and answered, "Definitely not. I'd probably grab a couple pints of ice cream to take home with me though… and maybe to share."
The bachelorette's mouth watered at the thought of eating all that heavenly frozen yumminess. It would probably give her thunder thighs (not to mention a head start on the cellulite process), but it would be worth it.
"That's an excellent answer, Contestant #3."
Willy intervened then with his magnified voice. "And that's that, folks. It's time. Who will our bachelorette choose to go on a date with? Will it be sexy Contestant #1, the oh-so-handsome Contestant #2, or the daring heartthrob, Contestant #3? Which one will she choose?"
Let me know who you think she should choose... and any ideas for their date.
Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.