I don't own the X-Files
WARNING: CONTAINS MOVIE SPOILERS!
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish, I wish tonight.
Mulder looked around the empty house late that night as he exited his office. It had been quite as of two and a half hours, ever since Scully had gotten home and announced her departure outside for some fresh air. He had noticed by her sunken mood and low toned voice that it had been a lousy day at the hospital, so he had decided that offering her time and space would be good, but three hours seemed too long.
After roaming the house to make sure she hadn't snuck back in the past few hours, he exited the back door and stepped onto the porch, sucking in a deep breath of cold air. The snow was almost gone, making way for spring and the warmer weather. Color had started to return back to the trees that made up the forest behind their small home and the creek a few miles in had melted and started to run, offering sounds of peace and tranquility.
"Scully?" He breathed, barley above a whisper, but the air was still so cold that his breath could be seen.
"What?" A soft reply came from behind him, almost spooking him.
As he turned to see where the voice came from he was faced with the sight of the woman he had been looking for. There she sat in the vomit glow of the lights from the inside of the house, quietly bundled up on the love seat swing they had bought years ago covered in a blanket. Her long red hair hung loosely at her shoulders, but was covered by the blanket that was tucked up to her chin.
He smiled inwardly at the fact that she looked just like a child, so innocent and scared, but his smile disappeared when he noticed she had been crying. He quietly walked over to her and sat down as she made space for him, then rested her head on his chest as he brought her under his arm. She welcomed him under her blanket and cuddled up to him as he placed a soft and loving kiss on the top of her head.
"So what's up Doc?" He asked lovingly taking the hair that fell over her left shoulder and placing it in the back. He then began to play with the left over strands and took to tucking them behind her ear.
"It's nothing." She whispered softly giving a soft sniffle, a clear sign she had been crying not that long ago.
"You can't lie to me, you just don't cry for 'nothing', is it that little boy again?"
"Christian?" She asked, lifting her head a bit, but dropped it just as quickly, "No, actually his treatment is working. I was speaking with him today and I was just thinking is all."
"About William?" He asked softly, his hands had now taken to massaging her scalp, which he knew she loved when she was down like this, it cleared her mind. She gave a soft nod, and he could feel her body give a slight jerk, it wasn't hard to tell she was crying again.
He let out a deep breath before moving his arm from the spot it rested at around her shoulder and waist. He then helped her sit up and brought her into his chest so she was no longer lying down but was now sitting upright, her head buried deeply in his chest as her tears poured out.
"Let it out." He said softly rubbing her back as she cried, her hands roamed aimlessly about his chest gripping every so often at his shirt only to let go and continue again a few moments later. Her chest heaved and it took every ounce of him not to join her in her moment of pain and sorrow.
"I just miss him so much; he was so young and small. I know he's only seven now, but he'll forever be that little baby. Not even a year old. I'm so sorry." She said lifting her head up to him to apologize before dropping it again into his tear soaked shirt.
"No, Scully, how many times have I told you this? You can't go on blaming yourself, I don't blame you. What you did saved his life, keeping him would have been selfish and may have killed him." He now had her by the chin so that they made perfect eye contact; she gave a slight nod and moved her head to the crook of his neck.
The rest of the night was spent on the swing in silence, the occasional hiccup would escape Scully's mouth as she lay quietly thinking in Mulder's arms, and though Scully would never know, and he would never admit it, Mulder would allow a few tears to fall every now and again in memory of his son. Together they sat for a few hours just looking up at the stars until Mulder had realized that Scully had fallen asleep on him, at which time he carefully got up without waking her and carried her into the house and up to bed.
The next day as Scully entered the children's ward her eyes fell upon a happily recovering Christian Fearon. The boy sat in his bed curiously looking about the room, though he was the only child awake at the hour he still seemed happy, especially when his eyes fell upon his doctor.
"Good morning Christian how are you feeling this morning?" She whispered softly showing respect to the still sleeping children.
"Fine Dr. Scully, and you?" He asked. His speech was still impaired a bit due to the surgeries and the damage the cancer had done to him, but with therapy he would be fine within a few years.
"Me? I'm doing good knowing you're getting better." She said giving him a happy smile. The boy's face lit up and when she took his hand in hers to give it a gentle squeeze her heart leapt, but the sudden urge to run away and hide grew.
She could remember many years ago having to rush her son to the hospital because some foreign substance had been introduced into his body. She had been scared it was going to kill him; after all there had already been an attempt on his life and some man she didn't know claiming to be the boy's father had just showed up. Baby William's screams echoed through her head like nails on a chalkboard, and the pain of feeling utterly useless was of no help. Luckily the stranger just to happened to be Jeffery Spender, Mulder's half brother, more or less William's uncle and thank god for Jeffery because the magnetite he injected into William took away whatever alien DNA he had, making him normal.
"Are you ok Dr. Scully?" Christian asked again, pulling Scully away from her thoughts and the screams of her son in her head, she hadn't noticed she had drifted away, or that she had been crying.
"Yeah, sorry Christian." She said wiping her tears away quickly before excusing herself and disappearing down the hall. While Scully was walking down the hall she ran into a man carrying flowers and looking at her curiously, however, she didn't notice him, until he spoke.
"Mulder? What are you doing here?" She asked, then smiled as he handed her a bouquet of roses.
"Are you alright?" She gave a small nod that said yes but when she looked around and saw that they were alone she collapsed into his arms; sign she wasn't ok.
She stood in his embrace crying for a moment, loosing herself in the mental battle of the past. What brought on the images, she didn't know, but what she did know was that she just wanted it all to end and go away, to be forever placed away in the basement of her mind along with everything else in her past.
"Come on, let's go home." Mulder said leading her towards the main entrance.
"I can't Mulder, I have patients." She said quickly, he knew she was going to be stubborn about it because her face was dry as if nothing had even happened.
"Can't you get another doctor to take care of it just for today? Scully you need time, for some reason your mind is telling you that you need to deal with William now and these little reminders won't stop until that happens." Scully stood there looking him in the eyes, before bringing her hand to his cheek and nodding her head.
"You're right." She said taking off down the opposite end of the hall from whence she'd came in search of Father Ybarra. After some convincing, and biding Christian a farewell Scully and Mulder left the hospital and headed home.
The rest of the day Scully spent talking to Mulder, who explained that talking was the best way to see past it. Needless to say both ended up splayed on the living room floor at the end of the emotional day. Mulder lay on his back looking up at the ceiling tears still falling from his eyes as the memory of Scully sitting on the bed holding his son kept playing over and over in his mind, followed by the moment she placed him in his arms.
He had known William for such a short amount of time, and had hardly gotten to know the innocent child. He had remembered the first night, William had woken up crying for Scully to feed him and Mulder had woken up first because he was a light sleeper, he had been living with her for a few days to help with the baby. The second William had entered Mulder's embrace the crying ceased.
Mulder looked over to his side where the woman he loved with all his heart and soul now rested. She had cried herself to sleep a few hours ago and now slept on her stomach with her head on his chest and tear stains in her eyes. They had promised never to blame each other for the abandonment of their son and in the end he felt that's what finally brought her peace.
Now Mulder slowly made his way out from under Scully, careful as not to wake her he disappeared down the hall only to return with a blanket that he covered her in before grabbing his laptop and disappearing into his office. He then turned off the lights and left her to sleep in the dark on the living room floor alone.
Around three thirty in the morning Mulder's office door opened and he emerged holding a piece of paper in his hand and a smile on his face. He quickly put his jacket on and grabbed Scully's in the process before turning the living room light's on and waking up the woman on the floor.
"Scully, wake up. There's something I want you to see." He said happily giving her a soft shake as he peeled the blanket back.
She was up and off the floor in a few seconds, years of waking up to him to chase after something had her used to it by now.
"What is it Mulder?" She asked curiously putting her coat on as he took her outside to the back porch and into the freezing cold weather.
"Look in the sky." He said handing her the blanket so she could bundle herself up in.
"Mulder this better not be a UFO." She said half joking.
"It's not I promise." He said laughing at her joke then placed a kiss on her cheek.
"Ok then what am I looking at?"
"You see the North Star?" He asked pointing the largest, brightest star in the sky.
"Yes, kind of hard to miss." She said leaning up against him. He had one arm around her; the other was holding the piece of paper and pointing out the North Star.
"Ok, than, you see that little star there? Five stars to the right?" He asked trying to point to one in particular amongst a crowd of billions.
"I think so. Yes. Why?" She asked, curious as to why he would interrupt her sleep to look at a star.
"Because, that's our star. Its name is William after our son. So that we can see him every night; every night when he looks at the stars he can see us. He'll never be that far away from us again Scully." Scully turned around, tears streaming down her face and she embraced Mulder in a tight hug before kissing him deeply.
"I love it. Thank you. I love you so much."
"I love you, too." He said kissing her back. "Thank you for giving him to me, for however brief a moment."
They stood there like that, holding each other looking up at the one star that would forever bind them to their son in a way nobody else would ever know.
Ok I don't own a star, and if this star is owned, sorry but I just borrowed it for the story. Please review.