Disclaimer: I do not own Keen Eddie.

A/N: Hahaha. I love Miss Moneypenny. And this one shot basically embodies my theories about her.

The Mystery of Miss Moneypenny

"You hear what she says, don't you?" Eddie asked Monty one day as they sat in the car, watching the target of their investigation make conversation with his dealer. Monty glanced at him and shrugged.

"Hear what who says?"

"Miss Moneypenny," Eddie elaborated. Monty turned his gaze back out the windshield and shrugged once again, squinting his eyes and leaning forward to watch the transaction down the street a little more closely.

"What do you mean, what she says?"

"Y'know, when I ask how she is and she says 'terribly horny', or something to that effect," Eddie said. Monty whipped his head around and stared at Eddie, tilting his head to the side, his eyes squinted quizzically.

"She says that?" he asked. "You can't be serious, there's no way she says that."

Eddie nodded. "She does," he insisted. Monty shook his head.

"It's all in your head mate, it's got to be."

"Can't be, Khan heard her."

"Khan?" Monty asked incredulously. "Khan the Bently driver Khan?"

"Yes, that Khan." Eddie glanced at his partner. "How many 'Khans' do you know?"

"Well, not that many now that you mention it," Monty replied, shifting his gaze back to the windshield. "But he really heard it, too?"

"Yes," Eddie said, nodding emphatically. "Yes, he did."

"Which did he hear?"

"Completely shaved."

Monty blinked, turned to look at Eddie, blinked again, then turned back to looking out the window.

"She didn't say it," he said. "You must be hearing things. When was that last time you got laid?" he asked, starting up the car as their target climbed into his. He pulled out into the road, following the other car at a safe distance as it pulled onto the nearly deserted street.

"Lady of the Lift," Eddie said absentmindedly, too busy watching the car they were tailing. Their car came to a screeching halt.

"You shagged the Lady of the Lift? I didn't even get to shag the Lady of the Lift! How did you shag the Lady of the Lift?!"

Eddie shrugged. "She was in the lift, I was in the lift…it kind of went from there."

"I can't believe it," Monty said, slapping the steering wheel. "You shagged the Lady of the Lift!"

"Can we get back to Miss Moneypenny?" Eddie asked. "And, driving."

"Oh, right," Monty said, switching his foot to the accelerator and flooring it to try and catch up to their lost target. "Miss Moneypenny. What about her?"

Eddie groaned. "Does she always say those things?"

"What things?"

"You know, 'terribly horny', 'completely shaved'," that kind of stuff.


"Yup? But you just said-"

"I'd forgotten about it," Monty explained, turning down a side street where he thought he'd seen the car they were tailing. "When you've worked with Carol for long enough, you start to tune things like that out."

"So, she's actually saying it and it's not just my imagination?"

"Nope. Does that make you feel better?"

"Not really."