As I am a professional writer and have work to do to get paid, I have decided to deal with these thudding plot bunnies in the traditional manner - I will inflict them on others. Please see my Profile for the Challenges of the Month. July Challenges are now available, and what a twist for one of them. If you'd rather do June's, instead, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks to all those who have participated thus far - we had an exceptional turn out for June II for example. The new challenges will run through the end of July. Please let me know when you respond to a Challenge so I can read and review.

Dr. Spleenmeister made this request for July II:

1 At some point in the story Jackie Tyler must be turned into a strawberry jelly (or Jello if you're a shiny Yank) without the use of anything sonic.

2 Absolutely oodles of UST please!

3 Nothing too dark and depressing, light and amusing is always a winner.

4 10/Rose or 10.2/Rose pairing, implied or newly established I leave the choice to you.

5 The Doctor must flex his licking obsession and Rose her 10!hair obsession.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to turn people into Jell-o without complete crack?


Wiggle Room

"But that's impossible!" the Doctor exclaimed.

Rose, standing next to him, staring at the item in front of them in undisguised horror, agreed with him. Never the less, something really needed to be done. "I really wish you'd quit saying that."

"Saying what?" he demanded. "Rose, this is impossible. People cannot be converted into jellies - it can't be done."

"Of course they can. As long as the law of conservation of matter is maintained, then it's like you said - life's just nature's way of keeping meat fresh. Simple transmutation with the use of... I'd say a teleporter of some sort. Matter to energy and back to other matter."

"Rose, this is your mum we're talking about. And when did you become a theoretical physicist, anyway?"

"About six months after I first came here," she said. "And I know it's my mum. And she's been turned into a jelly. Strawberry, I think. But if they changed her, they can bloody well change her back."

"Good point," he agreed. "Wait... six months?"

"Yes," she said.

"But that's impossible."

"And there you go again," she said. "You don't honestly think Torchwood would divert researchers and resources just for me to work on a personal project that no one in this entire Universe wanted to succeed, do you? I had to build that damn cannon myself and to do that, I had to become a physicist. So I did."

"You built the dimension cannon? By yourself?"

"Yep," she said, and popped the 'p'.

"But that's impossible."

She reached up and snatched his forelock, dragging him down until he was eye level with her. "Quit saying that," she insisted. "Haven't you even noticed the phenomenal lengths things go to to prove you wrong every time you say it? It's like 'oooh, the Doctor says it's impossible, let's crack thirty-six thousand holes in the Universe, turn the Laws of Time at right-angles to reality, wake the dead, scrap the rules and, just for an encore, let's have MORE bloody extinct freaking Daleks!' So, quit saying it, or there's no telling what you'll call down on us this time!!"

He gulped and nodded, shifting slightly when she wouldn't let him go.

"I'm serious, Doctor. Nothing is impossible. You've taught me that, and it's high time you realized it, too."

"O...OK."

She let him go with another tug, then lifted her hand to soothe his hair back into place.

"Blimey, you're scary, sometimes," he said. Then, he tilted his head into her hands and practically purred for a few moments. He started when he realized he was definitely getting distracted . "All right, Scary Miss Tyler, let's find a way to rescue your mum."

"But it's quiet," Rose protested.

"Yeah," he said.

"And she's not here." She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her hands threaded through the back of his hair, combing it this way and that with an almost hypnotically soothing rhythm.

His eyes widened. "Not exactly," he amended.

"This is really, really terrible of me," Rose added in a guilty voice as she dropped her arms.

"No, not really. She's been watching me like a mongoose since I got here. I can't decide if she's afraid I'll disappear or afraid I won't disappear."

Rose nodded. "Me, too. I tried to tell her she was insane, but she won't believe me. Most mothers give up following their kids across town when they're about sixteen. Mine still follows me across the bloody Universe."

"Multiple Universes. If she's this clingy to Tony, he's going to be a complete ponce, and I did not just say that."

"Ya did. I heard ya."

"You must never repeat it," he said, urgently. "I like my head where it is."

"You never know," Rose teased, her tongue poking out through her teeth. "I might want something from you someday."

He was in the process of his usual resisting of the urge to go after that adorable bit of pink when he remembered he didn't have to any more. He snatched her close, molding her warm curves into his body, relishing the way she shivered against him. "Just some day?" he asked, giving her a look he knew for a fact she couldn't resist.

She smirked. "Could be," she answered, her voice having dropped about a half an octave.

OK, maybe she could resist it, a bit, anyway. Bother. "How about other days?" he asked, and leaned closer, letting just the tip of his tongue brush the tiniest spot on her earlobe.

One of these days, Jackie was going to stop hovering over them like a South London fog bank, and he'd have all the time in the world to taste every single inch of his Rose Tyler. He usually planned to start with her mouth and sort of work his way down. On occasion, he thought he might start with her ear - her right one. Sometimes, like today, when he thought they might actually have some time for peace and quiet, he also thought seriously about saying the hell with plans and just tracing every single inch of bare skin he could find. Preferably, this would cause her to bare more skin, which in turn...

"Mummy!!"

The Doctor shook off his wildly rambling thoughts, jumped away from Rose, and looked around for the source of the shriek. Oh, right, the Junior Screechers of England. "Tony," he soothed, "Rose and I have to go fetch Mummy. You... um... uh oh."

"He'll have to come with us," Rose said with a sigh. "No telling where Pete is - he might even be a jelly in another room."

"You know what happens when you get little kids involved in alien invasions?"

"No," she said, "what?"

"Can't remember. But one time, this little girl proposed to me."

"Oh, that's so cute!!" she exclaimed.

"Mummy!!" Tony yelled again.

"When we get back," Rose said and reached over to pick up her brother, "we have got to come up with a plan."

"I have many, many plans," the Doctor said. "Unfortunately none of them seem to be helping."

"This'll be a good plan. We have GOT to get her to ask us to move out."

"Oh, I love the way you think," he enthused.

"Quite right, too," she muttered.


They called Torchwood, arranged for the house to be cordoned off, and went out to sneak up on invaders.

Five seconds later, through no effort or even intention of their own, the two of them were standing in a bright green hallway, with Tony in between them, looking annoyed. "Mummy!" he yelled.

"I'm not your mummy," the Doctor said. "No mummys here."

Rose chuckled. "That didn't work last time, did it?"

"No, but I can't send him to his room, under the circumstances. Now, where are we?"

"A corridor," Rose said brightly.

"Oh, fantastic," the Doctor grumbled. He leaned toward the wall, sniffed it carefully, and then, because he had to be sure, he licked it.

Rose shook her head and sighed. "Something there is that does't love a wall."

"Robert Frost, Mending Wall," he answered. "And it appears to be lime jelly, this wall you don't love."

"Tell me you're joking."

"I'm joking," he said. "Well, no I'm not, but you asked, and I do try to please. Do I please you, Rose? I think I should, but Jackie will hover like a vulture over a used car lot, and I can't even get a word in edgewise most days, never mind an actual moment to..."

"Not sugar free, is it," she observed, and prodded the wall. It jiggled.

"Pranksters!" the Doctor exclaimed. His hands shot through his hair and he bounced on his feet, annoyed. "Ruddy pranksters! When I get my hands..." He stopped. "Rose, you didn't happen to mention wanting time alone to that lot from Wohstra, did you?"

"Erm... I might've said something in passing, just part of the conversation, why?"

"These people carry bananas in their pockets, Rose, surely you realized it wasn't a good idea to suggest things to them?"

"Why would I? I know you." She shrugged. "Not as well as I'd like, of course," she added, giving him an appraising look that made his heart pound, "but you always seem to have bananas, so I didn't really think anything of it."

"They juggle," he answered blandly.

"Seen you do that, too, and don't you dare try to deny it, 'cause I've got pictures."

"Ah." He turned around and looked down at Tony, who was tugging at his trousers leg and pointing down the corridor. He ignored him and turned back to Rose. "They wear red noses, Rose."

"Really? I thought that was... well, you know, natural."

He sighed. Tony tugged harder. The Doctor breathed a small prayer of thanks for a decent belt. "How could... never mind. Let's see if we can find them and sort this mess out."

"Doc!" Tony bellowed, and gave a good yank.

"What?" he said. "Seriously, Tony the Tyler, you are going to have to get used to waiting your turn."

"Lonny!" Tony said.

"Alonsy," the Doctor corrected.

"Lonny! Mummy!"

"What? Where?"

"Doctor, I'm gonna kill you!" Jackie shrieked.

The Doctor cringed and turned slowly toward where Tony was pointing. He held his hands up, didn't know why, it was just instinct. She was stalking up the corridor, apparently not a jelly at all. However, her hair was in utter disarray, her makeup ruined, her clothes covered in something strange and vividly red, one shoe gone. He wasn't sure if the steam rolling out of her ears was an illusion of the light or not.

He grasped Rose's hand, and Tony's just in case, and shoved them both behind him. "Jackie, this isn't my fault," he insisted frantically.

"Just a little dead," Jackie replied as she stormed up, just out slapping range.

He reached over, snagged a bit of the red goo, and licked it off his finger, methodically analyzing the taste as it came to him. "Raspberry!" he announced brightly.

"Never mind that!" Rose shouted. "Run for your life."

"Good point," he agreed, and did.