As usual, I own nothing. This is my entry to Zaratan's Cheerleader Tales contest. I hope you enjoy

To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

My ever dearest, sweetest boyfriend, Senior Senior Junior:

I like, totally can't believe this! A deliveryman showed up this morning, almost two weeks before Christmas, with a gift from you. While a bird of some sort in a potted miniature fruit tree is a little odd, it was incredibly thoughtful. Thank you very much, and I can't wait to get together at the Christmas break. Are you still going to send you private jet to take me to your island? If so, please have it circle the town a couple of times coming in and on the way out. I so want K to see what kind of a boyfriend I have.

XOXOXOXO

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

To the most wonderful, romantic and hottest boyfriend on the face of the world:

Today, the deliveryman brought a cage with two more birds in it. That was so sweet. They have this wonderful, sad sounding song that reminds me of how much I miss you right now. They're beautiful and the best part is that neither Connie nor Lonnie have gotten anything yet. I can't wait to meet you on your island and show you how much I appreciate you.

Your loving girlfriend,

Bonnie.


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Dearest Junior,

You certainly have a thing for birds! Today the deliveryman brought me three chickens, although they look kind of exotic. Is this some sort of tradition in your country? By the way, just what nationality are you anyway? Still, the birds are pretty and my sisters are still jealous. I still look forward to meeting you on your warm, sunny island.

Your girlfriend

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Dear Junior,

Please, tell me what this thing is with you and birds! Today, the deliveryman brought me a cage with four little songbirds in it. I'll admit that they're a lot more, like, practical and pretty and the chickens, but the constant chirping, squawking and clucking is starting to get on my nerves. Would it be wrong if I kept the songbirds and bring the rest to the island when I come to visit? We don't have room in the house for all of these birds and it's too cold to keep them outside.

Your girlfriend

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

To the best, most handsome, most generous, most romantic and all around most wonderful boyfriend in the entire history of time!

What did the deliveryman bring me today but five gold rings! One for each finger on one hand! Connie and Lonnie won't even speak to me and all the girls at school are absolutely green! Thank you so much! BTW, you never did get back to me about the birds, they're starting to become troublesome to look after.

Your ever loving girlfriend

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Dear Junior

I see you're back to the birds again. Today, the deliveryman brought me six geese, in nests. All these birds as gifts, it's got to be some sort of weird custom, isn't it? Please! No more birds!

Your girlfriend

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Junior

Did I do something to get you mad at me? More birds!? Today the deliveryman nearly had a heart attack when he unloaded seven tubs of water and put a swan in each one. Here's a news flash for you mister, no more birds means no more birds! Besides that, this country has a thing called livestock ordinances! The chickens, the geese, and the swans are all livestock. The police have given us a week to get rid of them but I can't get anyone to take them! I don't want the poor things to freeze, so I've been keeping them in the garage and they like, totally covered my mom's car with poop. Sure, each of the geese laid an egg overnight, but we're perfectly capable of going to the store! At this rate, I'm not visiting you on your island.

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Hey you

What are you trying to do, make me beg you to go back to the birds? Today, a big truck showed up and eight girls led eight cows out onto our lawn and started milking! Didn't I tell you we could get to the store? Didn't I tell you we have livestock ordinances? Do you know what it's like having me, Connie and Lonnie trying to share two bathrooms with eight girls, none of whom speak English? We're keeping them in the living room, and the cows in the back yard, but I don't know what to do after today. This can't be legal.

PLEASE, NO MORE!!

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

To the biggest jerk on the planet

More girls? How can you give people away and not go to jail? Today, a bus showed up and unloaded nine women, who all started dancing. Our house is absolutely stuffed with people right now! No more! It's bad enough with all the animals. The birds have ruined the garage and the cows all have diarrhea. I gag whenever I come home from school. Now we're going to have seventeen people sleeping in the living room. Please stop.

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

To the evilest man in the world

What did I ever do to deserve this? Ten lords show up and start leaping around the yard. That was real pleasant considering what the cows have been doing out there. Now we have ten more people to put up. At least we don't have to worry about what to do with all of the eggs and milk anymore. The city is about to evict us, the neighbors hate us, and the kids are laughing at me at school. Thank you so much for ruining my life.

I hate you.

Bonnie


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: queenbmiddletonnet

Hey jerk

You just don't give up, do you? Now you send eleven pipers piping! News flash, we've got noise ordinances as well as livestock ordinances. Not only that, but the FBI has shown up to investigate us for running a slavery ring! How do you give people away, anyway? I've had it Junior; we're through! I hate you. With thirty-eight people, other than my family, living in the house, the inside of the house is giving both the garage and the back yard a run for the 'most disgusting space in Middelton' prize. For mercy's sake, just go away.


To: popstarsensationmediterraneannet

From: perkinslawmiddletonnet

Dear Mr. Senior Senior Junior

It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that you latest gift, twelve drummers drumming, was too much for Miss Bonnie Rockwaller. Since her complete, but predictable breakdown, she has resided in the Psychiatric Ward of the Middleton Medical Center. Legal action is pending.

Hank Perkins

Attorney at Law