Hello everybody x'3
A little angsty one shot for those who like Code Geass xD Be prepared though... No happy ending here... -evil laugh-
Enjoy x333 (But watch out for bad grammar... )
Summary: Finally captured, Zero has been sentenced to death for his crimes. And Suzaku, being appointed as the one who will lead him to the executer, couldn't be more happier. Angst and character death! Mentions of SuzaLulu.
Pairing: SlightSuzaLulu (But just some fluff at the end, so if you're an anti yaoi person you can still read this without getting sick xD)
Warnings: Er... Angst? And some OOC'ness on Lelouch's part. Oh, and lets not forget... Character death!! -evilness-
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Code Geass :( If I did Suzaku and Lelouch would be secretly in love with each other, Shirley would have died after four episodes and Lelouch would stop making evil schemes to kill Rollo.
- There is no redemption -
The day Zero was caught for the second time, no merciful fate of losing ones memories bestowed upon Lelouch. No matter how noble the blood he carried in his veins was, he needed to pay the price for his sins. So it was decided, Schneizel himself had made the first announcement in a meeting with the knights of three, that Lelouch Vi Britannia, better known as Zero, leader of the black knights and the Japanese peoples savior, would be executed a week from the day he was captured. Britannia would finally get rid of the only person who had ever been close to destroy what they had used years to built.
The immortal witch CC had disappeared from the battlefield without a trace after she witnessed the defeat of Lelouch. No one knew where she was hiding now. And they would probably never find it out ether. The black knights had all managed to escape thanks to Lelouch. When he had realized that victory was no longer an option, he had willingly let himself be surrounded and bound. Later that that evening, when the soldiers responsible for Zero's imprisonment had finally taken a break and had sat down to talk about today's event, they could all swore they had seen a faint smile on the young, beaten boy's face as he stared after the fleeing knightmares of his comrades. Even with his eyes covered by the blindfold they had been ordered to place on his pale face in order to prevent him from using the geass, his head were still facing the direction is friends has escaped too as they dragged him away. Afterwards they laughed, saying how a big sissy Zero really was.
After all, no real man would held concern for his subordinates when he himself had been captured by the enemy. Indeed they said. Zero was nothing more than a weak, pitiful little boy who didn't know his place in the world of adult's. When they suddenly, after a good amount of celebration beers, starting talking about how damn hot Zero had been under the mask and cloak though, and how they wouldn't mind at all being in charge for the boy's punishment, Suzaku finally left, feeling sick to the core. The roaring laugh of the men followed him as walked out, a bitter expression marred on his still boyish features.
Suzaku halted for a moment when he passed Nunnally's room. He felt his stomach twist as he could hear heart wrenching sobs coming from behind the wooden door. He remembered when he told her. Her hands were trembling and Suzaku had never felt so helpless as he had when she asked him with a shaken voice what were going to happened to her brother. He watched as her lips started tremble along with her hands as he slowly told that her most precious person would be killed in five days. And when he finished, she screamed. A long agonized cry filled with pain and sorrow echoed through the walls of her little room. And Suzaku could do nothing but to hold her as she wailed and repeatedly hit he chest, crying and asking over and over how he could let Lelouch die. Eventually she had fallen asleep in his arms and Suzaku had left.
He sighed as he walked away, leaving Nunnally to her tortured existence where she had again lost a treasured one, this one more than anyone before. And Suzaku wondered briefly how Nunnally would manage to continue her life as she had before when the last caring member of her family would disappear, leaving her behind in the dark once more.
Why he did it, Suzaku couldn't quite comprehend, but he still found himself walking towards the cell that was shielding Karen Stadtfeld, no Karen Kozuki, from her freedom. The moment he stepped into the cold, gray room and his eyes met a pair of piercing gray-blue ones, eyes that could only belong to his former classmate and currently enemy, he felt like turning and walk out the same path he taken to get here. But that would be the act of a coward... And Suzaku was not a coward. For a long moment they just started at each other, both determinate to not look away. A silent battle, but just as painful as a real one.
"Well...?" It was Karen who broke the silence first. "Are you proud of yourself now, Kururugi Suzaku?" She spat his name out like it was something disgusting she had been forced to eat. He didn't answer, just calmly met her burning gaze.
"Well?! Answer me dammit!" She screamed at him, fury like nothing he has seen before shining visible in her eyes.
"He's a murderer, Karen. He has killed countless of people and yet you're angry because he will be killed? Don't you think he deserves it?" Oddly enough, this made her laugh. A hoarse, bitter laugh, not caused by joy.
"Why would he deserve it? If his death is caused by his murders, then why shouldn't you die as well? Why shouldn't I? I have killed far more people than Lelouch, even if he was the brain behind. What you're saying is just bullshit and you know it!" Her lips curled up in a angry snarl as she spoke.
"Lelouch needs to be punished for his sins. We cant let a person like that live." Suzaku felt so frustrated. He needed to make Karen understand why he did what he did.
"His sins..? Lelouch's sins?! What about Britannia's sins? What about your sins?! Your such a fucking hypocrite Kururugi! True Lelouch has killed... Yes, he have made people suffer. But how many has he made happy? Millions, Kururugi, millions! The whole Japanese population is praising Zero everyday, thanking him for being the only one who has ever tried to save them. Except for a traitor like you , that is!" At this point she was shouting loudly, pulling angrily at the chains that bound her.
"And..." She went limp, but her eyes were still stubbornly meeting his. She continued in a hard voice. "What has Britannia ever done to help anyone other than their selfs. The very same army that you are now a part of, has probably killed twice as much as the black knights ever did... And for what purpose? To make their land even more powerful than it already was and to gain more control and power. Is that a reason good enough to kill? At least Lelouch was fighting for something noble, at least he killed for a good cause!" She paused. "Can you say the same about Britannia, Kururugi..?"
And Suzaku did not reply, simply because there was nothing to say. He knew deep inside that what Karen said was the truth. How could Britannia claim Zero to be evil when it was their cruelness that had made him that way. No longer able to face the accusing glare of the girl in front of him, he closed his eyes and walked out. The last thing he heard before the door closed, was Karen cold voice, but Suzaku could clearly hear the heavy sadness hidden in the core of it;
"I hope you're proud over yourself, Suzaku..."
...And Suzaku was.
The first thing Suzaku noticed when he looked down at his former best friend, was that he had lost weight again. Lelouch had as long he could remember, always been a skinny boy, but Suzaku had always wondered if Lelouch was born with a abnormal weak body. Even the single little exercise left him panting and sweating like it was no end to it. The pale skin of his also left him with the image of a person who's health were not at the top for the moment. After Lelouch had taken up the role as Zero, he had slowly grown even thinner than he usually was, and Suzaku who at that time didn't knew Zero's real identity, had been genuinely worried for his friend.
After Lelouch's father had erased all his memories about Zero, CC, the Geass and even Nunnally, Lelouch had once more lived his life as nothing more than a ordinary school boy. And Suzaku could see that Lelouch was slowly building up his former physical strength.
But then Lelouch had regained his memories and once more had he emerged as the great Zero. And this time he looked even worse than last time. That were the reason Suzaku had suspected Lelouch to indeed be this 'new Zero'. But now, after just one week in Britannia's claws, he looked more frail than ever. Suzaku had almost expected him to shatter like a glass would do if hitting the floor, when he had forcefully jerked the young prince up from his position on the dirty cell floor. Lelouch who had not heard anyone enter, had winced in pain at the rough treatment.
He wore a simple gray outfit which fell lose around his bony figure. On his visible skin Suzaku could count a dozen of dark, purple shadows, standing strong in contrast to Lelouch white paleness.
"Come on." He said harshly and started dragging Lelouch out of the dark room.
"Suzaku?" Lelouch's head snapped up to face him and even though his vision were clothed, Suzaku got the feeling that Lelouch's violet eyes were looking straight at him. "Is that you?" His pale lips lifted up in a small smile.
Suzaku didn't answer but continued to drag Lelouch down the corridor that led to the place where Lelouch was soon to be public executed. Apparently death only was not enough punishment, so in order to make the ordeal more painful and humiliating, anyone who wished for it could come and see the mighty Zero fall.
Suzaku didn't know if he would be able to see Lelouch get killed in front of his very eyes. After all, it had been a time when Lelouch had been the person Suzaku had cared for the most. But that time was in the past, and Suzaku could never forgive Lelouch for all the cruel things he had done. No, that was wrong. He couldn't forgive Lelouch for the one cruel thing he had done. A flash of long, beautiful pink hair and a blending smile. A desperate call for him to love her. The pained, but happy expression on her face as her soul left him forever.
Euphie... His sweet, kind Euphie who he had come to care for so deeply. He had not loved her in the way he knew she had loved him, but still she had somehow managed to crawl her way inside his hardened heart, a place where only one person had managed to conquer before her... Now it was empty. One had been forced to leave and the other he had trowed away himself.
Yes, Suzaku truly hated Lelouch for what he had done to Euphie. Not only had he fired the bullet who had without mercy taken her life away, he had also used that blasted Geass of his to make her do what she had so desperately tried to put an end to... The abuse of the Japanese people. Instead of the great heroine she was supposed to be, people now looked back at her as nothing more than a murderous princess who had tricked Japan into a feeling of security, before she had turned against them and caused a massacre without no equal.
Soon Lelouch would pay for what he had done to her. He glanced at the thin boy who had walked obediently by his side since they had left his cell. Except from the the few words he had uttered when Suzaku had taken him with him, Lelouch had stayed silent. But Suzaku could see that the smaller teen was biting his lip, like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the courage to do so.
They were closing in to the exit now. Suzaku could vaguely see the white light that was coming from a open door. The door who leaded out to the platform where Lelouch were soon to take his last breath. Just a few more steps now...
"Suzaku...?" Lelouch's hesitantly voice braked through the almost too silent air who had etched itself around them like a thick blanket. Suzaku clenched his fists and ignored the plea from the teen beside him. He didn't wished to hear Lelouch's voice.
"Suzaku. Please!" It come out more desperately now. Suzaku could feel the resistance against his grip which indicated that Lelouch had stopped. Suzaku closed his eyes and inhaled a great amount of the tense air around them. Still he did not answer. Lelouch stayed silent too. For something that felt like an eternity, nobody spoke and the only sound around them was the distant noise of the waiting crowd outside.
Then Lelouch voice once again broke the tension.
"How come...You...I don't..." He's weak voice was staggering and he didn't seem to find the right words he wanted to speak. He paused, eyes concentrating. When he spoke next the words come out in nothing more than a feeble whisper
"Why won't you say anything...?"
Suzaku opened his eyes and rage unlike anything he had ever felt before surged trough him like a fast spreading fire, hot, red and boiling. But most of all... Dangerous. Before he knew it he had turned around and grabbed Lelouch by his shoulders. He could feel the fear running under the smaller boy's skin there he was, trapped beneath Suzaku's strong body. A gasp of surprise and what Suzaku expected was pain escaped his dry mouth. Somehow this weak, submissive reaction only made Suzaku's fury even greater. And as Lelouch looked up at him, his unseeing eyes staring straight into Suzaku's own, something inside of him snapped.
"What do you mean with that?! Why won't I say anything?! What is there to say?!"
He was confused. Emotions he had never encountered before was swelling up inside of him, ready to burst any minute. Why did he feel such monstrous anger just because of a simple question? Why did Lelouch always made him lose control like this? Why always Lelouch?
"I don't want to say anything to you! You disgust me! Nothing more than a filthy murderer you are... Everybody you have deceived and tricked with your cruelness... You don't deserve to be spoken to!"
His breath was coming in short rags, teeth's gritted, and his anger was still not fading.
"I don't even want to look at you, just touching your body makes me sick! Your voice make me want to vomit. Everybody you have killed with that evil voice... Everybody you have lied to... Innocent people... YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK ANYMORE!"
He screamed the last word's out and he felt Lelouch wince under him as he dug his nails deep down in the soft flesh of his shoulders. This did not make him feel bad, but nether did it make him feel any satisfaction. He felt absolutely nothing but the maelstrom of rage that was still dancing viciously inside him.
Again he opened his mouth to speak, but this time it didn't come out in raw yells. Looking down at Lelouch he felt such disgust and when he lowered his head so it was on level with Lelouch's ear, the words he whispered into it was filled to the brink with deepest loathing.
"I hate you so much."
Lelouch did not move. He did not speak. His body had went still in Suzaku's hard grasp and his head was bowed, resulting in long ebony bangs putting his upper face in shadows. Nobody uttered a word. Then the soft sound of something vet hitting the floor braked the silence. Suzaku looked down. A single tear had fallen from one hidden eye and the trail of it was still glistening on a pale cheek. Suzaku stared. He stared at the lonely vet spot at the floor. He stared at the shimmering crystal light that still lay upon Lelouch's face. Like a river, Suzaku thought. A beautiful river bathing in the warm rays of the sun. Why? Why did Lelouch look so beautiful and pure? Why did he look like Euphemia had when she had looked up at him with clouded eyes, dying right beside him, and he had cried for her. Cried for Euphie, darling Euphie. He had cried for Shirley. Her death so pointless and cruel. Killed by the one she loved more than her own life. And he had hated Lelouch even more. Both Euphie and Shirley. So why?
Why did he cry for Lelouch?
Warm, salt tears was running down his cheeks, making his lips vet and the taste of salt soiling his mouth. The lonely tear Lelouch had released on the floor soon disappeared from sight, hidden behind Suzaku's owns. Why?
"I never meant for her to die."
If the air around them hadn't stopped moving and made their surroundings completely silent, Suzaku wouldn't have been able to hear the faint whisper coming from the curled up person under him.
"You killed her."
"I never meant to."
Suzaku laughed. A bitter laugh. A bitter laugh of disbelieving and acceptance. He didn't care anymore. The hate he felt for Lelouch had stopped raging inside of him. Instead it had made him feel numb. Like his limbs had been frozen to the point of no longer being able to move. It all seemed so pointless. Why did he cry for Lelouch when the hate he harbored for him was greater than anything. Greater that the hate towards evil. Greater than the hate he had once felt for his father. He had never cried for his father. Only for himself and his sins. But like his father, Lelouch would die. So pointless...
"Shirley then? Also an accident?" He couldn't help it. The dull sarcasm seeped through his voice like oil.
Lelouch looked up. Still no more tears had fallen after the first one. His lower lip trembled.
"I didn't kill Shirley." But he spoke with no confidence nor with denial.
"No?" Somehow he didn't care if it was the truth or not. "Was it your fault then?"
Lelouch didn't answer, but he still held his face high and would proudly had met Suzaku's gaze, if able to. Of course it was Lelouch's fault. Everything was. If he just hadn't got that bloody geass... If only he hadn't met C.C. If only he had let Lelouch get killed on that faithful day...
"I don't... I really... It never was supposed to end like this." Lelouch spoke again.
"But it did. You killed them, you caused them pain. Isn't you the one to blame?" Suzaku didn't know if it where Euphie, Shirley or just everybody he referred to. Ether way, Lelouch was behind it all. He wanted to say more.
"I could understand... A little... In the start I guess. But you were so cruel. And then Euphie came. She just wanted to help, dammit! And you made her do all that horrible things with your geass... And then you killed her!" He did not yell this time but his words were hard and demanding. The hate was still there.
A painful expression has etched itself upon the face of Lelouch. Slowly, like he wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, he opened his mouth to speak.
"I wanted to save everybody." Suzaku went still, listening. Nothing Lelouch said could possible make up for all he had done. "First it was of a selfish reason, I admit that. I had obtained power beyond my understanding and I could... I could finally protect Nunnally and find out the truth about mother's murder. But then The Black Nights were formed and I grew attached to them. Their spirit and devotion. Their love to Japan."
"Japan... I never really felt something for Japan in the start. Pity maybe, but never love. Why should I. I only did this for Nunnally after all. But the Japanese people loved me and they relied on me, and gradually I started too feel something more. I truly wanted to help them. But it's hard you know... No matter what I did, I still couldn't stop the unnecessary sacrificing from happening. But I told myself again and again that it was alright... That I did it for the right reason. I guess... In the end it was nothing more than foolishness." He reverted his gaze, still hidden behind the blindfold, from Suzaku and continued to stare at seemingly nothing.
Suzaku looked at him, taking in what Lelouch had just said. The words dug deep into his heart like the edge of a sword would. He opened his mouth to say something... Anything. But before he could Lelouch suddenly stood up, so quick that Suzaku didn't find time to react, and pushed him hard so that he fell on the floor. Without no time to feel something beside shock, he just stared expressionless up at Lelouch who was hovering over him. Slowly he lifted a pale hand and with a graceful move he removed the dark bind, their eyes finally meeting.
Suzaku could not move, he just sat there on the floor, looking into the deep violet eyes that only Lelouch possessed. He expected anger, glee and triumph from them, but none was present. They where calm and somehow kind... Nothing he would have excepted. The mark of the geass was glittering like a pink ocean in the depth of his left eye. A look of determination crossed over Lelouch's sunken, but no less beautiful face, and Suzaku understood. It made him happy.
Lelouch turned around. He didn't start walking immediately, just stood there with his back facing Suzaku for a long time. Then he hesitantly started to walk, body slightly trembling, maybe of fear, Suzaku didn't know. It could be natural... Maybe all humans react this way when they know they are to die. Lelouch was standing in front of the door now. He had stopped.
Suddenly something important flashed trough Suzaku's mind. He couldn't let Lelouch die before he knew, no matter how much he longed for his death. If what Lelouch had told him was true... He needed to know now.
"But why Euphie?" They both understood the meaning behind this words. Why had Lelouch killed Euphemia if he truly had wished the Japanese people free? The exact same that Euphemia had wanted and had only been seconds from succeed in.
"I told you... I never meant to kill Euphie... That day I.." He paused. "It all went so horrible wrong." His voice faltered and Suzaku saw red.
"So what you're saying is that it was an accident?! That is not true and you know it! How could you use the geass on her by accident, commanding her to do all that awful things... TELL ME HOW?"
Like before, Lelouch did not answer, his backside still turned against him. Suzaku waited. He was angry and wanted nothing more than for Lelouch to step out and disappear from existence, but not before he was told the truth. Not yet.
And when Lelouch finally spoke, Suzaku could hear his own heart beat hard and painful against his rising chest.
"Did you never wonder when my geass had become permanent?"
The world stopped. Suzaku's eyes widened. His chest continued to rise and fall. He didn't breath. He had forgot how to.
"Live, Suzaku." A last whisper. Lelouch stepped out.
Suzaku stared at the spot where Lelouch had been standing just moments ago. He stared and stared. When did everything become so blurry? When did...
When had he started to cry again. Lelouch, he... He... Euphie... Oh, god he understood now. The tears was falling more freely and faster. They wouldn't stop. A howl of pain and despair left his salty lips.
Why? Why again? He had never understood why Lelouch had spoken this words on the battlefield so long ago. He had wanted to save his own skin, oh yes, that was true... But...
...To say live?
It had never made any sense. Sure it was an easy command and it would make what Lelouch wished for happen... But it was far to personal to be a random order. It was almost... Lovingly. But no... that couldn't be... Lelouch was evil. He had killed..!
So had he.
He killed Euphemia.
'I never meant to', ' Did you never wonder when my geass had became permanent?'
But not out of cruelness and evil. Because he loved her. Because he wanted to end hers and the Japanese people's suffering. How he must have felt... After making a person do such a foul thing without meaning to... To kill a loved one because of one own tragic mistake.
And he... Suzaku... Had never doubted his guilt. The hate that had taken over after Euphemia's death had controlled him since. And now...
He heard the shot halfway up. The sound piercing through the air like thousands cries. He trembled. He felt sick. It couldn't be... Surely they hadn't. They couldn't have!
The tearing sound of the cheering crowd was drowned in Suzaku's scream.
"Hey, Suzaku?" a twelve years old Lelouch asked, face dirty after a day with playful fun.
"Hmm... What is it?" Suzaku, equally dirty, looked up.
"Do you love me?"
Suzaku looked at him, surprised at the unsureness he could hear in Lelouch's voice.
"Of course I do! Why would you ask something like that? Didn't I tell you yesterday...?"
"Yes, you did, but... How can you? You're Japanese... I'm the son of the man who destroyed your country. You should rather hate me..." Tears started running down his pale face, smearing the dirt on his face.
Suzaku didn't know what to do. Never before had he seen Lelouch cry. Tryingly he placed his arms around the smaller boy, embracing him.
"I could never hate you Lelouch. I love you too much." He nuzzled his nose down in Lelouch's silken hair, breathing in the fresh smell of apples.
"Really?" Lelouch sniffed and wiped away the tears.
"Really." Suzaku smiled and kissed his forehead.
"I'm glad." Lelouch leaned closer to Suzaku's body and for a long time they sat like this in silence, enjoying the warmth radiating from the other. The feeling of security laying heavy upon both of them.
"You know..." Suzaku looked down at Lelouch who had a thoughtful expression on his face.
"When I grow up I will destroy Britannia and free Japan." He looked so serious that Suzaku couldn't help but laugh.
"Really, and just how will you manage something like that?"
Lelouch scowled and blushed. "I don't know yet! But I will! Definitely... And you will be by my side, won't you Suzaku..? No matter what happens."
Suzaku smiled tenderly and hugged Lelouch tighter to his body.
"Of course I will. No matter what happens I will always be by your side. No matter what happens... I will always love you.
Ugh... Somehow this didn't come out as sad and depressing as I wished it to...
Oh, well, can't say I didn't try xD But If you thought this was sad it makes me really happy x33
This idea just suddenly came to me when I was trying to sleep... Of all things xD
So the next day I just sat down and started to write. Never thought it would be this much though..
The last scene was supposed to be around the time before Lelouch and Suzaku was separated for the first time. I know I wrote that Lelouch was twelve years old, when he probably was much younger in the real thing... But I thought it would fit better if they were a little older...xD
Anyways, I hope you guys liked it 8DDD
Cookies to those who reviews x3