The idea was good, ...

The idea had been good. But the result? Horrible … like always …

Miss Parker hated it. Pure hate. It had been her own idea. Therefore she hated herself even more than before. Why did she have to do such things to herself? Time after time! Slowly killing one part of her soul after another.

This was just ridiculous! Why couldn't she learn from her own mistakes? She'd done it often enough to know that it never worked.

It was not real. That was good and bad at once. Good because she didn't have to walk out of the room to get away from the other person. Bad because it was not real.

Oh, that one was the thought of a genius! Jarod would have been proud of you, Parker! Really, great! Awesome!

A few years ago, she would have just gone to a nice little bar where sooner or later a few guys would have been interested in her. They would have bought her some drinks. She would have chosen the best looking one. They would have gone to his house or they would have just rented a room for which he'd paid. Then the usual … Afterwards, she would have left.

But she no longer could do such things. Since that guy from the Centre had crossed her path, she'd realized that it could kill her. Besides, it was no longer her style to sleep with somebody just to have sex.

A few days after that realisation she'd gone to a sex shop and had bought "a girl's best friend" as the ugly guy behind the counter had told her. It had stimulated her body. But not her soul.

Then she'd tried the telephone. It had been expensive and disgusting because she had to listen to voices of men she was pretty sure we're old and married and in addition, they'd always been way under her intelligence level. They'd used dirty words and described what they would do to her. Not one of them had even tried to be creative!

That's how she had landed up going into chat programs where unattractive people told other likely unattractive people how hot their bodies were. But she no longer had to look into the men's eyes, she no longer had to listen to their voices. A real positive development.

But now she had to read mindless words. Most of the people weren't even able to write without hundreds of spelling mistakes! And like everywhere else she'd looked for some intelligent challenge, she'd been disappointed.

Nevertheless, she'd tried it again and again. Telling herself that someday she would find someone who would be a kind of soul ate, even if he was just a name in a chat in a would that wasn't real.

She'd grown up in a world of lies. So she was used to things that really weren't what they promised to be.

So she'd kept her account, hoping for someday, someone, somehow … deep inside knowing that there was just one person who was able to fulfil all her needs, all her dreams … but realising that she couldn't have him …

At least, not now.