There you'll be

There was this one song. This one song that always reminded her of what it was really about.

That there once had been this boy that she had loved more than life itself.

This boy had become a man and she still loved him. But she could no longer admit her feelings to him. It would kill them both. Metaphorically or really kill …

And she wouldn't be able to bare any of it.

So everything that she had was this one song.

When I think back
On these times

Not one day passed without thoughts that had to do with him: If it was another lead or just a memory: The times they had hidden from Raines in the vents. Together with Angelo. Or alone. The times she had brought him some kind of candy (she was sure he just ate all those stuff because it reminded him of her and her of him …). The times they had found another "project". Or the one time she had shown him snow.

And the dreams
We left behind

They had had so many dreams. Travelling to far-away countries. Visiting the National Museum of History. He had even told her that he would marry her. One day. Well, maybe this day was still out there. Waiting for the two of them.

I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life

She told herself that she should remember the times they'd had together. That these wonderful moments of happiness might be more than a lot of people could say they'd experienced in their whole lives. Yeah, she had been really blessed to have such a friend. And even now, after all these years, he sometimes tried to make her day. And even if she would never admit it to anybody, he succeeded nearly every time. If it had been this little rabbit he had given to her one Christmas Evening after her Daddy had cancelled their dinner or just one late night phone call in the perfect moment when she had needed to hear his voice.

When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

Even when they had been children, she had felt attracted to him in a not so childlike way. She had known that there had been a connection between the two of them that had been more than a normal friendship.

The first time they had met, he had wanted to touch her face. She had been the first girl he had seen since he had been kidnapped from his family.

Later, when they had become teenagers, she had understood that she had loved him from this very first meeting. The colour and depth of his eyes still amazed her even if she was no longer able to look into them live. But from time to time, she saw pictures or videos of him. And there it was: This look that said "I know". But did he really know?

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky

There had been so many nights in which she had dreamt of him. That he would walk into her office, take her hand and leave with her. They would leave everything behind. Rainer, her father, the whole Centre.

And then there had been these dreams which ended with her waking up, bathed in her own sweat because these dreams were everything but innocent. And it had been happened more than once that she had climaxed in these dreams.

How would it be if he really was with here? This thought really scared her …

In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life

Most of the people at the Centre doubted that she even had a heart. But the reason for this was just the fact that there had just been one person who was still alive that had a place in her heart. She loved Sydney and Broots and Debbie. But that was something else.

Even when she had had boyfriends and had been together with them, she had always thought of Jarod. One day, she had even screamed out his name when it should have been another name. Since that day, she had become even more aloof. And she had gotten used to not saying anything while been fucked. That was all it was. Not making love.

I'll keep a part
Of you with me

He was always with her. Other people had told her that they never were alone because God was with them. Jarod wasn't a God, but she never walked alone. Every time her life was in danger, he had come to rescue her. He had even been caught by one of his attempts to save her life. She had been so relieved when he had been able to escape again.

And everywhere I am
There you'll be

It was her job to follow him. But sometimes it seemed that he always know where she was while she had no idea how to find him. Well, maybe she knew deep in her heart how she could find him. But finding him would mean that she had to return him to the Centre.

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach

He had told her that she could reach every goal. And sometimes she had really thought that she would realize her dreams. He had given her Thomas and she had felt alive again after too many years of being the Ice Queen. But then the Centre had taken him just like they had taken Jarod away from her. And again, her dreams had been out of reach.

And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me

But even after Thomas' death, he had given her the strength to carry on. Without him, she would have given up ages ago. Maybe she would just put a bullet into her head and ended her fucking life. But he wouldn't have allowed her to do so.

Your love made me
Make it through

She had realized that he had been the reason why she was still alive: He had rescued her from being shot by others and from committing suicide.

And one day, she had given up the idea of ending her life with her own hands. She didn't want to hurt him more than she had already done. She didn't want to be responsible for his life

Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

She owed him everything. He had showed her the truth. And most of all, he had shown her that the sense of life was to live. It was more than surviving. But until she would be able to make her dreams become true, she had to survive. One day, she would leave the Centre and nearly everything connected with it behind.

And he would be there to help her. She just knew it.

She could bet that he already knew what they would do on their first day of freedom. Ice cream would supposedly be a big part of it.

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength

He was a part of her. And obviously, the better part.

And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me

She had thought about it for a long time. How could she thank him for all he'd done for her.

And then she had had this brilliant idea.

She knew that he sometimes visited her house when she wasn't at home or when she was sleeping. Of course, she should have told her Daddy about it. But she hadn't.

So she had decided to try to tell him thank you.

Everyday before leaving her house, she switched on her CD player and pressed the repeat button.

So the sound of this song filled her house when he – once again – visited her late at night when she was already asleep.

And when he stepped into her living room, he heard the words.

You were right there for me
For always

The next morning, she found a note that simply said "You're welcome."

THE END