Anger's Outcome Ch. 17
Disclaimer: The Winchesters and everything related to them belongs to Kripke and the CW. I am not making a profit from this story.
Previously: "Go back to sleep Sammy, I'll be here when you wake up and we'll talk then." Dean watched as Sam drifted off once again into a drug induced slumber. Their talk could wait until Sam was fully awake.
Sam had slept for eight long hours when he finally started to arouse. His slight movements alerted Dean to the fact that he would soon be waking and Dean walked over to the dresser and poured his baby brother a small cup of water. He stood by his bed as Sam blinked his eyes a few times and then opened them to see Dean standing over him once again.
"Welcome back little brother" Dean said as held out the cup with a straw in it to Sam's mouth. Sam sipped the water greedily easing the dryness in his throat. He smiled his thanks and then relaxed back into the bed as Dean put the cup down.
Dean sat in the hard chair beside Sammy's bed so that they could be face to face when they started their talk. He looked towards Sammy to see his brother's eyes downcast towards the bed and his fingers fidgeting with the blanket and pulling on loose threads. He could sense the anxiety coming off of his baby brother and knew Sam was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He reached out his hand to grasp Sam's arm comfortingly. "Hey kiddo, I think we need to talk."
Dean was taken aback as a rush of words flooded from Sammy's mouth and it literally broke his heart in two to hear the words his baby brother was saying.
"I'm so sorry Dean, I know what you're thinking right now and I don't blame you for hating me. I never meant to keep the scholarship a secret from you. Dad's right, I am a selfish bastard after everything you gave up for me and I'll understand if you turn your back on me and walk out that door without ever looking back. I deserve it for what I've done and I just hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me some day. I'm the reason your life went to hell in a hand basket. If it hadn't been for me, you could have lived your life for yourself instead of having to take care of a worthless…" Dean stopped Sam's rant by placing his hand across Sammy's mouth and had to smile at the surprised look that situated itself on Sammy's face after he did so.
"You're wrong Sammy, that isn't what I've been thinking at all. I've actually been sitting here counting my blessings that I have you for a baby brother. How could I ever hate the one person who has brought so much love and joy into my life and always trusted me implicitly without regard."
"Wh-What?" stammered out Sam not believing what his ears were hearing. He was so sure Dean would hate him for leaving him behind. His eyes overflowed with tears as hope filled his aching heart.
"Sam, don't you know that I love you little brother, that I would do anything in the world for you if it meant that you were happy. Listen to me Sammy, Dad was wrong with what he said to you. I never gave up one single thing in my life for you. I did what I did because I loved you and because you're my geeky little brother. My life would have been empty without you to take care of. You were my reason for getting out of bed everyday after mom died." Sam listened amazed to the words his brother was saying as the tears began to fall from Dean's expressive green eyes.
"Sammy, I've always wanted a different life for you. One where you would be protected from the forces of evil out there intent on hurting us and our family. It broke my heart that Christmas Eve so many years ago when you found Dad's Journal and read about the things out there. I tried so hard to keep you from learning about the kind of life we lived and about the creatures out there in the dark. I wanted you to keep your innocence for as long as you possibly could. And then when Dad came home and found out you knew, I could have punched him in the face for deciding it was time to take you on your first hunt. You weren't supposed to have to kill things, you were supposed to play soccer and enjoy life."
By now the tears were also falling from Sam's eyes as his brother shared his deepest thoughts and feelings with him. He never knew that Dean had secretly wished for a better life, not for himself, but for him, his baby brother. He remembered Dean being upset with his dad all those years ago, but he didn't know the reason until now. A huge weight lifted off of his shoulders as he realized that Dean didn't think of him as a burden growing up, that Dean really did enjoy spending time with him. He didn't do it just because their dad had ordered him to.
Dean took a deep breath and swiped his hands across his tear stained cheeks. "Sammy, I can't tell you how proud I am of you for getting that scholarship to Stanford. That's awesome dude. I always knew you were pretty damned smart and now you've shown the rest of the world too." Sam blushed at hearing his brother's words of praise. It meant the world to him just knowing that Dean was proud of him. He could give up that scholarship now knowing that he hadn't been abandoned by Dean too.
Dean steeled his resolve and masked his heartache as he said his next words. "As soon as the doctor releases you Sam, I'll drive you to the bus station so we can get you that ticked to Palo Alto. When you get there, I want you to make the Winchester name a proud one."
"Dean, No, I can't" Sam stuttered out in shock at hearing his brothers words. Dean was actually giving him his blessing to leave.
"Yes you can and you will Sammy. I won't let you pass up this chance because Dad made you feel guilty using me. Sammy, you need more than a life of hunting. You need to try and make it on your own, and if you find that the normal life isn't what you wanted, then give me a call and I'll be there as soon as I can to get you. I mean it Sam, I at least want you to give it a try."
Sam nodded his head unable to voice his words as a huge lump formed in his throat. He wasn't cut off from his family the way his dad had said. Dean would still be there for him, all he had to do was make a phone call. The prospect off going off on his own didn't seem so scary anymore since he had his awesome big brother to fall back on to if he failed. The brothers talked well into the evening and night as Sam told Dean about his fears of going off to college and wondering if he would be smart enough to succeed in his classes. Dean eased all of Sammy's fears as only he could. Sam finally faded of to sleep a few hours after midnight, confident of the path he was about to traverse.
The next morning after Sam had been officially released, he and Dean stopped by the nurses desk on the first floor to pick up his duffle bag. The police officer that Dean had talked to after the accident had dropped it by the hospital after finding it along the side of the road. Dean walked with Sam out to the Impala, careful to keep a watchful eye on his baby brother. The ride to the bus station was silent as both boys contemplated the life ahead of them.
Arriving at the bus station, Dean gathered Sam's duffle from the trunk and carried it inside advising his brother to sit down and wait for him. He bought Sammy's bus ticket using the money he had been saving from some of the pool games he had won. He walked back over and knelt down in front of Sam as he placed the ticket in his baby brother's hands. "You're good to go now kiddo" he said with a fake smile plastered on his face. He didn't want Sammy to know that his world was disintegrating at the thought of having to watch Sammy go.
"Dean, I'm scared" Sam whispered as reality finally sank in. He was really leaving.
"I know you are tiger, it'll be okay, trust me" Dean whispered back himself since his throat was too tight to speak much louder.
"I do, I trust you with my life" Sam said as he heard them announce the boarding call for his bus. He was about to walk away with tears glistening in his eyes when Dean grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Wait a minute Sammy, you'll need this" Dean said as he reached into his wallet and took out the rest of his money. He was making sure that Sam had enough to live on until he found a job to support himself.
"Dean, I can't take your money" Sam tried to hand it back, but Dean just closed his fist around Sam's fingers refusing to take it back.
"Yes you can, I need to know that you'll be able to take care of yourself kiddo until you find a part time job or something." Dean pulled his baby brother into a tight hug and said "I love you Sammy, never forget that" before he pushed his brother towards the awaiting bus. Tears rolled down his face as he watched Sam climb on board and the doors shut behind him. He watched as Sammy walked to the back and took a seat near the window. Sam mouthed "I love you too" as he waved goodbye to his brother as the bus pulled away from the station. Dean walked back to the Impala and lay his head on the steering wheel and had himself a good hard cry.
Dean returned to the motel where his father was staying to find the room trashed and his father sitting dejectedly on the bed. Shaking his head, he started picking up things and placing them where they belonged as he heard his father's broken voice questioning him.
"Where the hell have you been?" John asked his oldest, surprised that Dean had actually returned to the room. When Dean hadn't come back, he was sure his oldest had left too and that he had destroyed his family single handedly in one terrible night.
"I was at the hospital with Sammy. He got hit by a car " Dean answered without looking up.
"What?" yelled John in anger. "Why the hell didn't you call me."
"Why would I have done that Dad? You would of just told him how frigging stupid he was for going out into the storm and getting himself hurt. You gave up the right to be his father when you kicked him out so don't you go hollering at me for protecting my baby brother."
"I never meant for the kid to get hurt" John mumbled feeling guilt consume him for being the reason that Sam took off into the storm. "Which hospital is he in? I need to talk to him about the words I spat out in anger in the heat of the moment. I need to tell him I didn't mean what I said."
Dean looked up from what he was doing and saw the tears that were now sliding down his dad's face. "Damn, I've had enough tears to last me a life time" he thought as he watched the hurt and shattered look cross his Dad's face.
"Well it's too late now, he's not in the hospital anymore. He was released after twenty four hours of observation for the concussion. I put him on a bus to Stanford a little over an hour ago. You can't hurt him anymore Dad."
Dean heard his dad openly sob at realizing that Sammy was gone for good this time but just couldn't feel sorry for the man who had finally pushed Sammy away with his constant anger. Dean didn't know what the future held in store for his family, but he would be ready to face whatever life threw at him as long as Sammy was safe and happy. He knew he would be swinging by to check up on Sammy secretly, but he would give Sam the space he needed to see if he could make it on his own.
This chapter concludes the Anger's Trilogy. I hope you enjoyed reading the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them. Thank you Gill for challenging me to leave my comfort zone and write a story about a nasty John. This trilogy would never have come about without you prodding me to do so.