To Buy A Microwave

Hi, once again I'm posting a retarded Ash fic. I meant to post this earlier, 'cause I wrote this in May...(O.o). So, enjoy my fic. I own no one. Tasuki is from Fushigi Yuugi, btw.

" Yes ! Finally, I will be able to test out my cooking skills ! "

" Pika - pi - pikachu... (I wouldn't trust your skills, Ash...) "

" Trust me, Pikachu. I'm sure I have awesome cooking talents ! "

" Pika - pi pi Pikachu - u ? (Then why do you tell Brock to cook all your meals when you're traveling ? ) "

" Cause I'm lazy. Duh. "

Fourteen year old Ash Ketchum was sitting on the couch in his house in Pallet Town. His mom had to do an errand that involved grocery shopping. Professor Oak had to go to Sinnoh for some boring meeting. And everyone else had ditched him to go to this really cool barbecue at Brock's house. (-weird. I always thought they ate tofu all day.)

So now Ash was all alone with his Pikachu watching Steelix Chef.

He gave a small yawn as he turned off the television and looked at Pikachu. " Hey, Pikachu ? What do ya say we make some chicken Rice-A-Roni, huh ? "

Pikachu shook his head. " Pi, pikachu pika. (No, you'll screw us all, man ! Think of the economy ! ) "

Ash glared at the yellow mouse. " I am thinking of the economy ! Now, let's get started and make our rice ! "

He jumped into an anime pose and grinned as he crept into the kitchen and put on an apron around his waist. Pikachu rolled his eyes as Ash yanked a box of Rice-A-Roni from the cabinet. " Lessee... okay, I do not understand a lot of the directions. "

-sweatdrop- " Pika - pi ! Pika - ka pikachu ?! (Ash ! How could you not understand put the rice in boiling water ?!) "

" Oh, well. I'll just put it in the microwave, " Ash muttered.

Ash ripped open the box of Rice-A-Roni and put the contents inside a styrofoam cup. He then placed the cup in the microwave. " Now... how long do I put this ? ... Oh... I know ! Let's put it for umphteen minutes ! "


" Ten minutes. "

Ash pressed 10 : 00 on the microwave. It beeped in a high pitched voice, and then the cup started to burn. And while Ash was annoyingly fascinated by the burning, the microwave shooted up like fireworks into the sky and exploded. Burning pieces of severly burnt Rice -A-Roni flew in all directions. Pikachu's jaw dropped to the ground. The boy gave a nervous chuckle. " Looks like the microwave malfunctioned. "

-glaaaaare- " Pika pikachu pika pika pi. (Looks like you're a retard, Ash.) "

" Shut up ! Can't you for once talk in English ?! "

" Of course, Ash ! Unlike you, I'm not a dumb guy that's a noob at speaking Japanese ! " Pikachu replied, in English.


" Not really. Have you ever seen that one South Park episode with the taco alien ? "

" Oh, you're manipulating the English language, then ? "

" Pretty much. "

Ash scratched his head , confused. " So... is Meowth manipulating the English language or can he just speak it ? "

" Uh, he can just speak it. I think he used Roselia Stone for English lessons. "

" Right... "

Pikachu rolled his eyes. " Yeah... how are you going to tell your mom that you blew up the microwave ? "

" Uh, actually, I haven't figured that out yet. I know a guy that could show us around... see if there's any microwave trafficking going on around Kanto, if you know what I mean. "

" I didn't know people sold microwaves in the streets, Ash. Who's the guy that can help us ? "

" He's a guy well known in the Naruto community. He was once plagued by fangirls all year round, but I've heard recently he moved to Viridian City to be emo and all that junk. Oh, and after Orochimaru violated him. Sasuke Uchiha. "

" Well, this is going to end badly. "

" Yes it is, Pikachu. Yes it is. "

" Well, couldn't all of this be avoided by just telling your mom that you blew up the microwave ? "

" Yeah, but I don't want to. "

" Good gravy..."

Ash and Pikachu went to Viridian City via a shopping cart. The fourteen year old brought a pair of really bulky binoculars. Pikachu buried his head in his hands. " Where did you get those outdated things from, Ash ? "

" Uh, the trash bin at Goodwill. You find a lot of outdated crap at Goodwill. I also found some of those big black record thingies from the 70s last Tuesday. And I thought Goodwill was only for poor people. "

O.o " Damn it, Ash ! Quit being such a freaking judger already ! "



Pikachu glared at Ash. Ash scratched his head. " So.. we have to look for Sasuke. I forgot why... "


" Oh, yeah...let's go ! "

Ash and Pikachu kept on walking when they saw a bluish black haired emo kid of fifteen dressed in a black t- shirt. Ash grinned. " Yo, Sasuke ! "

Sasuke gave a wide glare at Ash. " Hey, losers. Do you want some beer ? Or maybe some penicillin ? "

" Naw, I'm lookin for a microwave, " Ash replied.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. " Dude, it's called a store. They have microwaves at the nearest Target for forty bucks. "

" Yeah, but I blew mine up by putting chicken Rice-A-Roni in there. "

" Don't try to reason with him, emo kid, " Pikachu muttered. " He's had waayyy too much caffeine. "

O.O " Dude... am I still high or is that rat thing talking to me ? " Sasuke asked Ash.

" I think it's a little bit of both. And it's manipulating the mind... "

" Oh. Well, I don't sell microwaves. There's this one girl who sells gadgets, though, " Sasuke stated, scratching his head.

He led Ash and Pikachu to another part of town. A girl with long orangy red hair and brown eyes was bragging about a toaster when the group reached her stand. She looked at Sasuke, and then at Ash. She gave a broad grin. " Hey , Ashy ! How ya doin ' ? "

Ash moaned. " God, I was hopin' I wouldn't meet you like this again... "

" It's OK, Red ! You'll always be the first guy I've flirted with ! "

Sasuke sweatdropped. " You know this girl, Ketchum ? "

-sigh- " Yeah. That's Beth, or as most of us call her, Green. Her story is a bit screwed up. She got kidnapped by this big chicken bird (Ho-Oh) when she was five. Then, she came back to Pallet Town a few years ago and stole the Bulbasaur.(A/N: I've edited the manga details a bit to fit the anime a little more.) I bump into her when I was away from my friends and she sold me this off - brand crap that didn't even work. Then, she steals my badges and I somehow help her track down this phantom pokemon. (Yeah, a lot happens off the anime television screen.) I guess later on she travels to Johto where she meets up with the Mask of Ice and she rebonds her friendship with my half - brother, Silver, who stole a Totodile for his starter and hates Elm - dude. Apparently, they had a thing when they were little. So, they found out that the Mask of Ice was that old guy that I battled with in Mahogany Town for my seventh gym badge... Pryce. In the end, they kick the old guy in the nuts, and they send him to rehab, which suits me perfectly, because I never liked the creep, anyway. "

Pikachu facefaulted. Sasuke sweatdropped harder. " Whoa. She should be the one who becomes emo. "

Green smiled. " Oh, I don't even think about that anymore. At least, ever since Silver-poo started to date that one girl from Olivine. So... how can I help you, Reddy ? "

" Please don't embarrass me, Green. I have a girlfriend, you know, who I cheat on her with my friend from Sinnoh on the Internet once a month. I'm just looking for a microwave to replace the one I blew up. "

" Ohhhh... yeah. I don't sell microwaves. Just fake TMs and Carbos. I know a guy that can help you with your problem, though. "

Ash scratched his head nervously. " You sure ? "

" Sure, I'm sure. I'll even show you if you let me own Uchiha in a checker game here ! "

" It's a deal ! " Ash said, shoving Sasuke towards Green.

" HEY ! DON'T I HAVE A SAY IN THIS ?! " Sasuke shouted.

Green shook her head. " Nope. "

The red haired girl waddled out from her desk and held Ash's hand. He paled and chuckled nervously. Sasuke cut himself.

The group was lead by Green to an orange haired guy with wolf - like teeth. Green giggled. " Everyone, meet Tasuki ! "

Ash sweatdropped. " Hey, aren't you that guy from Fushigi Yuugi ? "

Tasuki sighed. " Yeah. What the hell do you want ? "

" A microwave. "

" What kind ? "

Ash shrugged. Tasuki handed Ash a giant forty pound microwave. " Here ya go. A microwave. The total is five thousand yen. "

" Sure... "

Ash handed Tasuki the yen and slowly left. Sasuke just stared at Tasuki. Tasuki stared at Green, and she gave a flirting laugh. The two rolled their eyes.

" Finally ! A microwave ! " Ash happily cried, hugging the microwave.

Pikachu glared at Ash. " Yeah... that thing's a piece of junk. "

" It is not. "

" It is too. "

" Not. "

" TOO ! "

Ash kicked Pikachu and plugged the microwave where the old microwave was. The microwave immediately blew up. Ash gave a shrug and slumped down on the couch. " Eh. I have better things to do. "

Pikachu just groaned. " What a retard, " he muttered.