A/N: My way of venting. Don't read this is you have not read Breaking Dawn yet and do not wish to see any spoilers.

SPOILERS AHEAD

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I'm gonna make this three chapters, like how there were three books within Breaking Dawn.

Disclaimer: After reading Breaking Dawn, I'm more than glad to say I am NOT Stephenie Meyer!

-insert some prologue here about Bella whining how she's going to die once AGAIN-

(seriously, all the books open like that. But she never dies! –gasp-)

-So the story begins-

Bella is driving her brand new bullet/tank/bomb/vampire proof car.

Bella: OMC, like everyone is staring at me cuz I'm getting married! The shame, the shame!

Random Guys: Sweet car. Can we get a picture with it?

Bella (because this is in no way awkward at all): Sure

-Flashback-

Bella, Edward, and Charlie sit in the Swan living room.

Bella and Edward: Charlie, we have something to tell you!

Charlie (gasps): You're pregnant.

Bella: Of course not, silly! That comes later on in the book.

Edward (hands wedding invitation): We're getting married whether you like it or not!

Charlie (jumping up and down like a little kid): You get to tell Renee! You get to tell Renee!

-Different Flashback-

Bella: Hi, Mom. I was just calling to tell that I'm marrying Edward.

Renee: That is so exciting, sweetie. I'm just randomly going to change my callous view toward young marriages and suddenly be thrilled that my daughter is getting hitched right out of high school! Congratulations!

Bella: Thanks, Mommy! I knew you'd understand!

-end of Flashbacks-

Charlie: Ouch, Alice! OMC THE BLOOD!

Bella: OMC! Alice, did you just bite Charlie? Now I'm gonna have a vamp father!

Alice: Sorry about that, Charlie. (pulls pin out of Charlie's side) Bella!! You're next!

Bella: No! Don't poke me with pins, too!

Alice: Bella, go to your happy place.

Bella closes her eyes and goes to her happy place, which happens to be on her honeymoon, and I'm gonna stop before this gets graphic.

-Night Before the Wedding-

Bella: I lurve you Edward!

Edward: I lurve you more!

Bella: No, I do!

Edward: No, I do!

Emmett: Get your little vampire butt out here so you can go to your bachelor party.

Jasper: Don't worry, Bella, we aren't taking him to a strip club or anything (laughs evilly.) (SURE YOU'RE NOT)

Bella falls asleep and has random dreams about demon vamp babies.

-Wedding Day-

Alice: Hurry, Bella! We have to get you ready! We only have ten hours until the wedding!!

Alice straps Bella down and applies countless coats of makeup.

Rosalie: I just decided to randomly be nice! Bella, can I do your hair?

Bella: Sure! Your now my favorite sister!

Renee and Esme show up (now best friends) and give Bella random gifts and blah blah blah.

Charlie: Bells, we're up to bat.

Bella and Charlie walk down the steps (Bella manages not trip a single time –gasp- sign of the apocalypse!) Bella and Edward exchange their vows and then kiss (for quite awhile)

-At the reception-

Bella: Yay! I'm glad the werewolves came, but where is my Jacob?

Edward: Hey, I thought you loved me.

Bella: But I love Jacob, too. Remember the complicated love triangle the author has been creating during these past few books?

Edward: Ohh, yeaaahh!

Jacob: (suddenly appears)

Bella: OMC! You're here!

Bella and Jacob dance for like ten songs.

Bella: Guess what, Jake? When Edward and I go on our honeymoon (and I will still be human BTW), we're gonna have sex!

Jacob: Noooooo!

Other werewolf dudes drag him away before he can make a scene.

-Later that night-

Edward and Bella get on a plane. They fly Houston.

Bella: OMC! We're honeymooning in Texas! Sweet!

Edward: Nope! Just a stop!

They go on another plane and then a boat ride and end up at some random island.

Bella: Cool, we're honeymooning at some random nameless island in the middle of nowhere!

Edward: It's not nameless. It's called Isle Esme! Carlisle gave it to Esme as a present.

Bella: OMC! Carlisle bought Esme an island? (mumbles something about crazy rich vamps)

Edward: Let's go skinny dipping! (runs off toward ocean)

Bella: Yay! Wait, doesn't skinny dipping mean swimming completely naked? Oh well (run off toward ocean)

Bella and Edward are skinny dipping and doing what honeymooners do best

-Next morning-

Edward: I'm a terrible person!

Bella (wakes up): Why…wait. Why am I covered in feathers?

Edward: Oh, I bit a pillow or two.

Bella: Um, why?

Edward: Because they taste yumm—I mean, so I didn't accidentally hurt you.

Bella: Too late for that! Look at these terrible bruises!

Edward and Bella argue for a good ten more pages.

Edward: I'll go make you breakfast!

Bella: Make it big! I'm STARVING!

Over the next few days, Bella and Edward scuba dive, swim with dolphins, rock climb, etc. Bella is exhausted and eats all the food. Then she has funny vamp dreams.

Bella: OMC!

Edward: What is it?

Bella: My period is five days late and my stomach has a slight but definite bump! I'm preggers!

Edward (gasp): But how? Don't worry, Bella! Carlisle and I will get that thing out of you!

Bella: Oh he nudged me…wait! What did you say??

Bella steals Edward's phone and dials.

Bella: Rosalieeeeee!!

Emmett: Um, no, this is Emmett, but I'll get Rose.

Bella: Rosalieeeeeeeeeeee!!

Rosalie: Um, ok…..

Bella: I'm preggers! But Edward wants to kill our demon vamp child! You HAVE to help me!