A/N: So it seems like just keep coming back to this story. I guess I should change it from 'complete' to 'in-progress'
Anyway, I didn't write these drabbles. I used a drabble generator (prillalar dot com slash drabbles), that i found through yayme2012's story, Bad Fanfiction. They're sort of like madlibs.
They greatly amused me, and I hope you enjoy them as well. And when you're done, go to the website and generate some drabbles of your own
I'm Dreaming Of A Glorious Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Renesmee sat dejectedly in hole, sipping repulsive eggnog.
She looked at the jealous paperclip hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Jacob had hung it there, just before they looked at each other boastfully and then fell into each others arms and fursploded each others nostril.
If only I hadn't been so hairy, Renesmee thought, pouring a pompous amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Jacob might not have got so pompous and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a luscious tear and held her eyelash in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a vivacious voice lifted weakly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a glorious ChristmasJust like a unicorn frolicking across a field of daises
Renesmee ran to the door. It was Jacob, looking slimy all over with snow.
"I missed you," Jacob said. "And I wanted to fursplode your nostril again."
Renesmee hugged Jacob and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Jacob said.
"I think so too," Renesmee said and they fursploded each other's nostrils until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted wolf knee and lived innocently until Renesmee got drunk again.
Bella finished packing. Ever since Edward, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Bella had been ardent.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing kissed her, all was dead. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in a tree to become a chagrined hairbrush.
Just then, there was a grating knock at the door. Bella opened it and stood there nervously for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her nose.
When Bella came to, Edward was holding his eyelid and looking sparkly. "My love," Edward said boldly, "I'm sorry for the pathetic shock. I've been shipwrecked on an luscious island for the last ten years, living like a dog eating peanut butter. I was only rescued last week." he paused. "I lost my eyelid in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bella could hardly believe her Edward had returned. "I will always love you, eyelid or no eyelid. Besides, you can cover it up with a sock."
They embraced irritably and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was ferocious.
I Saw Carlisle Kissing Santa Claus
Edward woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one annoying box that looked like a pillow.
Then Edward noticed that Carlisle was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Edward thought that he would surprise Carlisle. Maybe even sneak up behind him and frolic over to him. That always made Carlisle pompous.
Edward crept dumbly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its chagrined lights, and the presents, heaped up clumsily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Carlisle. Kissing someone.
Edward was so angry, he picked up a volvo from a table and threw it angrily in the bathtub.
They both looked around.
"Carlisle, you yummy platypus!" Edward yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Edward looked and then rubbed his neck and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Carlisle said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a beautiful kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Edward said rapidly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be pathetic."
That seemed reasonable. Edward went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like an irratible grizzly. He made Edward's nose feel all dead.
"You see?" Carlisle said nervously and Edward saw.
Everybodies presents were late.