Disclaimer - I own as much as you do. Nothing. HP and everything related belongs to JKR... Until I kidnap Severus. Then, he will belong to me... I'll share him with Mione, but that's it. Hehehehehe...
Here's the first official chapter. Ah, I almost feel sorry for poor Tommy…
How To Lose a Lord in 10 Months
Month 1 – September
Make Him Stop Swearing
Tom's jaw hit the floor this time. "What?!" he exclaimed, his voice echoing eerily throughout the empty mansion. Then, he realized that Ginny - no, Ginevra, couldn't hear him and wrote 'WHAT?!' down in the diary as neatly as possible.
'How would I go about making Harry Potter fall in love with me?' Ginny wrote again, a little annoyed that Tom seemed to have missed it the first time around. 'Why are you writing so big?' she added.
'Why would you want Harry Potter to fall in love with you?' Tom asked, incredulously. There was an itch at the bottom of his chest and he absent-mindedly ran a hand over it before realizing it was inside his chest. Blaming the itch on the lack of sugar, he turned back to the diary.
'Why wouldn't I?' Ginny wrote back, just as incredulous that Tom even had to ask such a question. 'He's famous. He defeated you, didn't he?'
'The hell he did!' Tom scrawled back, scowling furiously.
Ginny gasped out loud. 'Tom! Don't swear,' she admonished. 'Say "heck."'
'Who the hell says "heck?!"' Tom wrote back. Before he could continue to rant that Potter did not 'defeat' him, Ginny replied.
'Tom Marvolo Riddle, stop swearing!'
'I will not take orders from you!' Tom wrote, growing angrier by the minute. His next words almost cut through the page. 'Who the heck told you he defeated me?!' Just as these words started sinking, Tom noticed with a start that he'd used the word 'heck' instead of 'hell.'
Ginny grinned widely when she made the same observation that Tom had just made. 'Good boy.' Without giving him a chance to write anything in reaction to that, she continued. 'Everyone says he defeated you.'
Tom scowled and decided to let the 'good boy' comment slide. For now. 'Everyone is wrong,' he wrote, dangerously slowly. 'Do you understand, Ginevra?'
Ginny decided to lie. 'Yes, Tom.' She twirled a lock of her hair around her finger, nervously. 'Tom?'
'Can I make him fall in love with me anyway?' she wrote.
Tom stared. 'Why?!' he scrawled.
Ginny had to think for a second. 'Why not?' she finally asked.
'"Why not?" I'll tell you why not. You're going to be queen of the Dark Side, ergo you will not be in any kind of relationship with my arch nemesis!' Tom wanted to hit something... The girl was crazy. She kept swinging back and forth between intelligence and stupidity like a maniac pendulum.
'Tom?' Her letters appeared tentative.
'What?!' Tom wrote back, his letters thick with irritation.
'Are you angry?' Ginny wrote, gently chewing on her lip.
Of course, I'm angry, you crazy bint... 'No, Princess. Just a little upset.'
'Why are you upset?' Ginny asked.
Tom stopped short. How to answer that? Because of all the people that dumb blond could have given the diary to, it had to be this crazy chit. 'I don't want to talk about it,' he finally wrote sulkily.
Ginny frowned a little before putting her quill to the page. "Why not?"
"Because I am your Lord and I said so!"
"FINE!" Ginny went to angrily slam the diary shut, but stopped, wondering if he could feel it. Wondering about this and unable to come up with an answer, she scowled. 'I'm going to angrily slam the diary shut because you're so insufferable! Can you feel it or would I just be wasting my energy for nothing?!' she scrawled.
Tom started, instantly becoming afraid. The cover slamming shut hurt. A lot. He didn't know why, but every time someone slammed the book shut, it went like the whole front of his body was getting hit by a ton of bricks. 'Don't!' he scrawled quickly. 'I take back what I said earlier!'
Ginny sighed angrily. 'Tom, you are so rude! First, you swear. Now, you didn't say 'please' when you told me not to close the book and you didn't apologize for what you did earlier!'
Tom frowned at the page. 'I never say please and I certainly never apologize.'
Ginny rolled her eyes. 'Tom, how do you expect to rule for long without any manners? The servants and the masses will get annoyed with you sooner or later. Like I am now.'
Tom stared at the page, incredulously. Was she kidding?! A part of him frighteningly whispered to him that, no, she wasn't. He scowled at the book. 'Crucios and imperios work better than pleases and thank-yous.'
Ginny shook her head before realizing that Tom couldn't see her. She wrote, 'You are so wrong.' She paused. 'Anyways, crucios and imperios – whatever they are – won't work on me. Only pleases and thank-yous.'
Tom's jaw dropped again – it has been doing that quite often every since Ginny'd opened the book and was starting to hurt, which made its owner even more irritated than usual. Anyways, what was scary was that she kind of had a point… Crucios and imperios wouldn't work on her because he couldn't exactly cast them in his current state. With a great amount of effort, he forced down his pride. 'Alright. Ginevra, I am sorry for my earlier actions. Please don't slam the diary shut.'
Ginny sighed a little, smiling. 'Don't you feel better now?'
Tom scowled at what he was feeling, wondering if this was what the Cruciatus felt like. 'Yes.'
'Why wouldn't you want me to slam the diary shut?' Ginny asked, curiously.
Tom, for once in his life, decided to be honest and told her about the pain he felt every time the book was slammed shut. 'You see, that's why I stopped you.'
Ginny thought for a second. 'Wow, that little weakness seems like it was pulled out of thin air.'
Tom frowned. 'What do you mean?'
'It just seems odd and that it came out of nowhere. If it weren't for that, I'd had closed the book and gone, and this chapter would have ended.'
Tom found his himself whole-heartedly agreeing. 'Good point. How utterly Deuce Ex Machina.' Ginny didn't respond for a moment, and Tom felt a sudden chill go through him. A little scared and not knowing why, he put his quill to the page to ask her if she was still there when these horrifying words suddenly appeared on the page -
'DEUCE EX MACHINA!? OH, YOU'LL BE SORRY, LARD MOLDYSHORTS!! FORT THAT DEUCE EX MACHINA COMMENT, YOU WILL SUFFER HORRIBLY AT THE HANDS OF GINEVRA WEASLEY FOR THE NEXT TEN MONTHS!! luv, the Creatress'
Tom let out a rather high-pitched shriek and sprang out of his chair before stumbling away from the table in fear. What the hell-?! After taking a few long, calming breaths he inched back toward the diary to find Ginny's writing, which was shaky and trembling. Obviously, she was scared, too.
'Tom? Tom?! Can you read this? Are you alright?! TOM!'
'Ginevra? What the hell just happened?!'
'Don't swear, Tom!'
Tom frowned, quickly scrawling his words. 'Let that go, Ginevra. What was that message?!'
Ginny, scared, had to think for a second. Now, if there was one thing she had in common with Tom (besides all the beauty, brains, bloodlines and sadism), it was a slow mind… Yes, that's right. Our Lord and Lady can be really slow sometimes. Which is why Ginny answered him with 'Uhh… Another deuce ex machina?'
'OH, YOU BIYATCH! YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT IN THE NEXT FIC WHERE TOM'S IN CONTROL! Luv, Creatress'
Ginny finally tentatively wrote, 'Maybe we shouldn't say the DEM words anymore?'
Tom, who'd been staring open-mouthed at the Creatress' words, responded. 'What did she mean by the 'next fic where Tom's in control'? I don't get any control in this fic?! What the hell?!'
Ginny lost her patience. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle, I swear to you, if you swear one more time I will…' Ginny trailed off, not knowing what she would do.
Tom smirked, finding the girl amusing. 'You will what?'
'I will come in there and spank you!'
Tom stiffened, as shock and a large amount of fear ran through him. He didn't put that past her… 'I'll stop swearing.' And then he regained some of his Evil Bad-Arse Dark Lord bravery. Bitch.
End of Ch. 1
So any bets on how long it'll take Ginny to break Tom's spirit?
P.s. I swear, that was the last time I'll put myself between them. O.o…….