she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

I know I said the next story would be in two weeks. I was listening to this song… another thought popped up. Just a one-shot.

-- This is more personal --

Changed the setting, this is still a fanfiction-story

I don't own the characters, except for this Nick-guy, enjoy!

"she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight"

Where is he now? – What is he doing? – How is he? – Why didn't he call her, in eight months he has never picked up the phone and dialed her number – Does he still care? – Was he only nice to her because he needed help with school? – did he Use her, just for the hell of it? –

Why doesn't he want to spend any time with her? – no, wait, he said he wanted to spend time with her… he's just soo busy… right? – is he too busy? Then why does he go out with his other friends? He has time for them… –

Is she trying to hold on to him too tight? – is she not trying hard enough to hold on to him? – were they ever real, honest, true friends? In her eyes they had been friends, close friends in fact. Did he see it differently? –

– every time she comes over he smiles the most dazzling smile, like he's happy to see her, is he really happy? Or is he faking that smile to avoid hurting her feelings? Why doesn't he come, when he says he's going to? – what the H*ll is wrong with him? – What should she do? – Call him? – Don't call him? – Why is it so hard to forget him? They were only friends… nothing more… right? –

"she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way"

Six years ago…

Rory met this great guy. He was funny, he made her laugh all the time. His name… Nick, short for Nicolas but nobody calls him that. He also went to Chilton with her.

The first year Rory attended Chilton her class wasn't fond of her coming to Chilton. This girl, Paris, and her friends made it very hard for Rory to fit in or be appreciated by anyone in that school. About a year later is when Rory met Nick. He was the only guy talking to her, except for Tristin (we all know how that turned out). Somehow, he was different; he was nice, funny, kind of cute, and popular… Before she would have never thought he would ever speak to her, him being so popular and all.

One day he walked up to her.

"Hey, I've seen you here… last year. I'm Nick, well Technically it's Nicolas but nobody calls me by my full name. nice to meet you."

"hey, I'm Rory, short for Lorelai and same explanation, everybody calls me Rory to avoid confusion with my mom…"

Nick looked a little surprised.

"Me and my mom share the same name, she's called Lorelai too."

He grins, "oow, right."

He has a cute smile.

"sorry to ask this, but… erm… why are you talking to me? Aren't you afraid what everybody else is going to say?"

"not really, I thought you might be a nice girl… so I came over to talk."

That was honest and he even sounded sincere.

They became friends, good friends… or so she thought. He was the first guy that showed her she could make friends by just being herself. Well she had Lane, but that was only one friend.

Two years later…

Nick and Rory were very close now. Everybody in school thought they were a couple, that's how close they were. He was having some difficulties with his math homework and asked if Rory could help him with it. Of course she was happy to do it, free of charge, because he was her friend. They had such fun all year. When he was sick, she came over to borrow him all her notes. She didn't want him to get behind, especially for math. Nick wasn't doing so well, his parents said that he had to change schools if he failed. Rory thought she'd be lost without him there.

End of that year…

This was it, finals were over. She had gone over to his house to help him with a few last problems. She thought it would be a close call. Then evaluation came…

That was the end of it. He failed math, he couldn't believe it. Nick had worked his butt off to pass, apparently it didn't work. The next two hours he just sat in that classroom staring at his grades. He couldn't keep his tears for himself. He was scared to go, he had this school wired, everybody here liked him. Now he had to start all over, what if the kids in his new school didn't like him, what if they thought he was just a silly idiot.

She received her grades, satisfied with the result. Then of course she wanted to know how Nick did… she walked over to him, he gave her his paper, she sat down next to him. That was it, everything they had worked for was not enough to keep his grades up. Did she do it wrong? Was it her fault? She should have tried harder. This cannot be happening! But it was, it was happening.

The minute she saw Nick wasn't able to keep his tears to himself, she lost it too. Warm tears streaming down her face, she thought this was the saddest she had ever been. He had to leave Chilton, there was no other choice. all of the other kids came to comfort them, well more to comfort him… they were saying all these things about him being the class-clown. He will find new friends, he has nothing to worry about. And nobody asked Rory how she was doing or how she was handling this situation.

"how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see
she needs to be held in his arms to be free"

After two hours of crying she decided it was about time to go. She had promised her grandparents that she would drop by to show her results. Sniffling, still trying to hold back those tears, she rang the doorbell.

Emily, her grandmother, opened the door.
"Rory, how nice to see you"

"hey grandma" she said barely able to form a complete sentence.

"Rory, What's wrong? Are you disappointed with the grades you got? You know you can always earn them back…"

"no, my grades are fine, even better than fine, they're great…"

"then why are you crying?"


she couldn't hold her tears back anymore.

"one of my best friends, my only real friend at Chilton,… he… he failed… and now he has to change schools and I will never see him again."

"of course you're going to see him again. You can call or visit. You have his cell-phone number… you can send him text-messages…"

"yeah, maybe you're right."

Her grandfather came in, asking the same question… why she was crying.
"Rory… it is normal that some students change schools, that doesn't mean the friendship is over…"

"I don't know."
She left her grandparents and went home.

That night she couldn't sleep. One thought was going through her mind over and over again. What if Nick changes schools and meets some other smart girl who can help him with school? Her help won't be necessary anymore. He won't need her anymore… Would he forget all about her? And what about Chilton, the other classmates, will they continue to respect her now? Or will they return to their jokes and mockery? Will they still be friends, how will it affect their friendship?

She cried at the thought, looked at the time – three in the morning – then cried some more. She tried to listen to music, normally that cheers her up, but this time it was different.

It seems like every song she heard was sad. She wanted him by her side, she really wanted a hug. She wanted him to say it was okay, everything was going to be fine, they will still be friends, nothing will change. Eventually she fell asleep.

He never said all those things that she wanted him to say. It will never be the same again.

"but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand
'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man"

The next two years they spoke, not very regularly because now he attended boarding school, But there was some contact. She bought presents for him on his birthday, he always forgot hers… that's where it started… sometimes there were weeks that they didn't speak at all. He never sent her any messages, he never came over to visit her. She always went to see him. When they did talk, he always seemed busy. The thing she feared was about to happen.

He was doing great in school, his grades were far better now. He seemed happy, of course everybody loved him at that new school. When she heard that she felt something… that gut telling her he had found new friends, not her, to have fun with.

"she must rinse this all away
she can't hold anybody this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him"

Now she was about to confront him with the fact that he didn't make any effort to see her or meet her. She wanted to tell him that she misses him at school, that she couldn't live with it that they didn't have any contact for weeks on end.

She decided to say it… in an e-mail might be best. She sent it with everything she wanted to say to him. He reacted surprised. Rory is the kind of girl that never gets angry, why then did she send that e-mail?

The reason she never gets angry is that she bottles it all up inside. She waits and hopes that he will come back around. He didn't come around by himself, so she decided it was time to say something about it. She had been so unhappy and she wanted him to be there, she thought he was always there for her.

"and if she runs away she feel the fears she follow
what could be worse than leaving something behind"

First Nick tried to convince her that he was different than most guys. He does care about her al lot. He wants to see her more often. They agreed to go see a movie when finals are over. He wants to make it up to her. She had borrowed one of his CDs and thus had an excuse to drop in to see how he was.

He saw her and the next second he had that smile again, that cute smile… he walked up to her.

"hey Rory, nice to see you, everything okay?"

"yeah, I'm good."

"and school?"

"also good, done with finals and very likely I'm graduating."

"great, really, I still have to go though my senior year."

"so, here's that CD you borrowed me, thank you."

"no problem."

They talked a little more about his school, his new friends, his girlfriend etc. She had known all along that he would do fine, he would land on his feet.

When they were about to say goodbye, he walked over to her.

"Hey, about that e-mail you sent me… I'm sorry"

he gave her puppy-eyes, he knew she couldn't resist puppy-eyes.

"Rory, I never meant to hurt you. I want everything to be okay between us."

She gazed into his eyes and believed him, probably because of the puppy-eyes and that smile…

"it's okay, maybe I overreacted."

"sooo, we're good?"

"yeah, I guess we're good."

"come on, give me a hug."

He held his arms open, she accepted, gladly. She held him close, thinking that it was okay, …well, it will be. He's going to change, she knows he's going to change.

Few days later she sends him a text-message to confirm time and place for the movie. He replies, saying that he won't be able to make it. He's still at school and when he gets home he has to clean his bedroom. Right… that was one of the dumbest excuses she has ever heard in her life. She was devastated, he let her down… again.

and when the depth of oceans slowly become shallow

it's loneliness she finds

summer, it has been two years now since he left Chilton. Rory continued to try and reach him. He was away most of the time. August came and there was contact… again… she told him that he still owes her that movie. He told her that he didn't have time, he had a job and in the weekends he was busy with his boy-scouts. But he did go see a movie recently… with his best friend, Jamie. So he did have time to go see a movie with Jamie, but when it comes down to her… it seems that Nick never has time for her.

Her birthday came, he almost forgot, everything she received was a little text-message the night before.

His birthday came, she had bought him a little present, something only meant for him. He promised to come by her house on Sunday to pick it up.

"a good excuse to drive again"

but he never said it was a good excuse to see her…

Her mom asked if Rory would like to come with her to go shopping, Rory refused, telling her mom that Nick had promised to come by. She waited, waited… he never showed. Late in the afternoon she called him.

"hey Nick, are you okay? Not ill or anything?"

"no, I'm fine."

"so, were you planning on coming over any time soon?"

"right… I forgot, I'm meeting Jamie, I can't come. Sorry."

He said it so lightly, as if he didn't even mean it. The word 'sorry' does he even know what it means? Rory was crushed.

if only he was mine…

Why? Why did he do that? Why did she believe him when he had said everything would be fine, when he said he was going to change… she realized he will never change, and he will always use those puppy-eyes to soothe her mind, to convince her that he is innocent. To convince her that he never intended to hurt her. Why does she melt every time she sees that smile… that beautiful, cheery, cute smile of his. She suffered under these thoughts many nights.

"she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise"

A few months later, November, she had made new friends at Yale. These friends accepted her and she was one of the popular kids now. There was a little reunion at Chilton. At first, she didn't really want t go, but her mom insisted and she went anyway.

She arrived a bit early. About an hour went by, then… there he was. Nick came in with some of his buddies, again he looked very good. He didn't see her standing there, though.

Suddenly, Jamie called her name

"Rory, look who's here… Nick!"

Nick saw her and waved. She gave a faint smile in return then turned away. What was that all about? Nick couldn't talk to her or come over by himself?

And then… his reaction was unbelievable… he just smiled and waved. That was it… no words out of his mouth just a silly wave.

She kept an eye out for him, trying to see what he was doing and whether he was ever going to come over and talk to her.

Then she decided to go to him and talk, really talk. She had found the courage to confront him. He was gone… she couldn't find Nick anywhere. Fine, that was it then.

Two days later she called him up, she wanted to know what that silly wave was about.

"hey, it's me, Rory"

"hey, how are you? When I came back you had already left."

"yeah, well I wanted to go home, there was no one to talk to."

Then when she asked about Jamie, he said:

"well, I ran into Peter and didn't want to talk to him so I asked Jamie to find something to distract me. Then he called your name."

Rory thought to herself … so I was only a distraction…

The next fifteen minutes he babbled about the alarm going off at the reunion, because they had found some keys from the offices. They had to run away very quickly and that was soo funny of course. Rory rolled her eyes, boys will be boys…

Then she told him about her time at Yale, her new friends and her being miss popular all of a sudden.

"oh, really?. That's fantastic! It's great! Rory, you really deserve that."

"right, thanks."

She thought he sounded sincere, but was he really?

Then he fell silent, nothing left to say? She didn't know. He asked if they could continue the conversation chatting over the internet. She hung up the phone and went to her laptop.

They talked some more, it's not really the same as on the phone but at least they were talking… he mentioned that he didn't rally liked hanging on the phone, he preferred chatting, because he was able to use smiley-faces. (again, boys will be boys)

Suddenly the conversation went dead. Rory felt like she was chatting to herself for half an hour… then he came back and said he was on the phone. How is that possible, he said he doesn't like to be on the phone, that is why they had switched to chatting on the internet…

She lost it, logged off and decided to stop trying. If he ever wanted to talk to her, then he could pick up the phone and dial himself. She was sick and tired of being the first one to contact him, she was always the one going over to his place to talk.

"he's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight"

The present (now)

Eight months have passed since that last day in November, it was the beginning of august 2008. She still hasn't heard from Nick. Not a single word, not one sign telling her that he was going to contact her. She saw he was online, probably chatting to other people, the ones he does make time for.

Once in a while, during those eight months she had wondered if he missed her at all. All her friends were saying he was bad for her, he only brings her down. She needs to let go and move on.

"he must rinse him
she must rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't rinse him"

He was the first friend at Chilton, he made her laugh. She trusted him, he let her down.

Now it is time to let go. Some nights she lies awake in her bed, wondering if he still thinks about her. Then sadness strikes again and she cries for hours. How could he do this to her? Does he even know what he's doing to her, how much he has hurt her, how he's still hurting her?

"she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him"

She's deleting him from her life, one step at a time. His e-mail is not in her messenger anymore, she didn't put him in the spam-mail he can always contact her, she just doesn't see his name when he's online. Nick's phone number is still in her phonebook, she can't let go of that,… yet.

She has come to a point where she thinks he, Nick, will never contact her again. And if he does… she will definitely never fall for those puppy-eyes … or that smile, no matter how cute they are.

"she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way"

That's it, please review .

The song is by Vanessa Carlton – Rinse –

and if you like Prison Break… especially Michael and Sara… rivergirls anthem has some great fanfiction!