Who the hell did he think he was! The first day they came back from their honeymoon he was already telling me what to do. But of course he was doing that since we first met. Mom just ignored me now. She turned into a real bitch. I mean really! The guy almost broke my wrist and she still married him. He would even smack me, for no reason, in front of her and she did nothing. I hated them both.

Phil charged into my room. The impact made the door slam into the wall. "Get in the kitchen and cook!" he shouted.

"Stop telling me what to do. You are not my father. I don't cook any way." I glared at him which received a sharp slap across the face.

"You will not speak to me that way. You will not look at me that way. What you will do is get your ugly fat ass in that kitchen and cook!" He walked out of the room. "Don't make me tell you twice."

Tears stung in my eyes. Getting off my bed I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. I would not cry because of him. I splashed water in my face. I could not take another year of this mess. I would...I would go to Washington. I'd live with Charlie. I had only seen him 4 times since we left when I was 13. Hopefully he wouldn't mind.

I looked outside the bathroom door. Their bedroom door was shut so he was in there with Renee. A shiver of disgust ran through me. I would never let a man use me the way he did her. I shook my head and ran back to my room. There wasn't much time. I grabbed my duffel and stuffed some clothes in it along with my IPod. I'd die without that. I grabbed the sock from under my mattress and added it to the bag. It had around $600 in it. I grabbed some paper and scribbled a note on it.


I can't take it anymore.

Phil was a mistake you'll deal with alone.

Don't look for me.

I never want to see you again.



I laid it in my bed and walked out of my room. I quietly went through the kitchen to the garage. This was going to be cutting it close. Hopefully the garage wouldn't stick like it usually did. I climbed in my truck and shoved my bag in the back. It had taken me awhile to afford my Dodge Ram. Phil wouldn't let Renee get me a car so I had to buy myself one. Since I had to buy it I made sure it was the best. I had to buy myself a lot of things...

"Isabella! I don't smell food cooking!" Phil called. Fuck. I pushed the button for the garage to open. Oh I should have fixed it before I decided to leave. It was so slow. "ISABELLA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" He appeared by the door. The second the garage was high enough I shot out, just barely avoiding the top to be scraped. "ISABELLA! ISABELLA! YOU GET YOUR DUMB ASS BACK HERE! ISABELLA!"

I turned the radio on. My favorite song by Evanescence was on. I turned it up to drown out Phil's pointless distant cries. That man had a big mouth.

I tried to kill the pain

but only brought more

so much more

I lay dying

and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

do you remember me

lost for so long

will you be on the other side

or will you forget me

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

I was headed to my boyfriend's house. His name was Nicki Benson. We had been together for 15 months. I wish I could stay with him but Renee would look there first and besides, he was 20. I was only barely 17. We were always judged here about the age difference. In a small town like Forks it would just get worse. He knew how Phil was to me so he would let me spend the weekends with him sometimes. I really didn't want to leave him but I had no choice. He had a nice life here and I wasn't going to ruin that for him. I was so lucky to be with him and now I had to lose him. I would never find anyone half as perfect as him.

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

I want to die!!

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave

my soul cries for deliverance

will I be denied Christ


my suicide

I parked my car next to Lily's 1998 Ford Taurus. Lily was Nicki's ex-girlfriend. I didn't worry about the two of them being alone. I was jealous at first but I knew he wouldn't do anything with her. He made it clear he didn't even like her anymore. I trudged to the door and gave 3 hard knocks. "Just ignore it." I faintly heard Lily say.

The door opened to reveal Nicki in only a pair of unzipped jeans. His hair was messy and he smelled like her. My heart sank deep into my chest. I wasn't sure if I was more angry with him or myself for believing his lies. "I just wanted to tell you we're through if you even care." I turned and jogged to my truck.

"Bella. Come on. It's not what it looks like," he said with innocent eyes. I sped out of his driveway without looking back. Suddenly I couldn't wait to leave that place.


I pulled into the driveway between Charlie's cruiser and Billy's old red truck, well Ariel's now. Billy gave it to her when he was put in the wheelchair. It was pretty old. I highly doubt it works. I slung my bag over my shoulder and went up to the porch. I took the key from under the eave where it had been for 17 years. Charlie didn't change so why would anything else. "Char...Dad. I'm here." I said once I entered. He wouldn't let me call him Charlie. It was going to be tough to remember that.

I had called him while I was on the road. He had seemed confused that I would want to live with him but happy none the less. I walked into the living room to see him getting off the couch. He gave me an awkward one arm hug. He never was an emotional person.

"Hey kid. You sure have changed." That was an understatement. When I was at my hotel, I dyed my hair dark red with black streaks. I also pierced my belly button and my ears six times each. I went to a shop in Cali where they pierced my tongue and nose along with giving me a sick tattoo on my lower back. I figured it was time for a change. The pain wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Once I started I just couldn't stop.

"Thanks. Hi Ariel." Ariel Morris was my father's girlfriend. She was a total prep, not in a completely terrible way though. She had curly blonde hair, tan skin, a lean body and a positive attitude toward everything. You could punch her in the face and she still wouldn't get upset. I think she was around 28 or 29. I didn't hate her but she was a person you could only be around for a certain amount of time.

"Hi Bella," she said in her high pitched voice.

"I'm gonna go unpack." I headed for the stairs.

"Your school paperwork is by the computer. You start tomorrow." Charlie told me. That was just great. I had to deal with people when I just wanted to be left alone. Couldn't I just have a small break before I had to forget my whole life and start over?

"Yay," I said dryly. I closed my door behind me. My room was still exactly how I left it. The walls were still dark red. My rocking chair from when I was a baby was in the corner. The ancient computer I got from Charlie was on a desk in the corner. I guess I didn't change everything about me. I still ended up here.

I started to unpack my bag. Since I had rushed, there wasn't much there. I finished at exactly midnight. I cut off my light and crashed on my bed with my IPod. I listened to Flyleaf as I drifted to sleep.

Here I stand

Empty hands

Wishing my wrists were bleeding

To stop the pain from the beatings

There you stood

Holding me

Waiting for me to notice you

But who are you


I stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn't good at styling hair so it just hung straight around my heart shaped face. The black corset halter I was in was right above my belly button. The black skinny jeans were looser. I think they were a 2. I put on a black studded belt to keep them up. I added it with black converse and was ready to go.

"Bella breakfast is on the table. Have a good day," Ariel yelled up the stairs. My stomach growled at the mention of food. I couldn't seem remember when I last ate. I heard the door slam shut. The clock read 7:40 so I had 20 minutes to eat and get to school on time. Great!

I grabbed my book bag and ran downstairs. Me being me, I tripped on the last step. I landed hard on my hands. It sucked to be so clumsy. I stood and realized the knees of the pants had holes in them. At least there was no blood anywhere. I watched my feet as I walked to the kitchen. I would rather not start the first day of school with any broken bones.

Ariel's cooking was always different compared to Renee's but very good. She made me chopped up hot dogs with catsup along with French toast covered in cinnamon. It only took a minute to devour it all. After I brushed my teeth I grabbed my keys and hopped into my Dodge. I started down the road at 55 which was harder than I thought. I had become accustomed to driving fast in Arizona. Phil and Nicki never liked it when I was late. I missed Nicki...I only restrained myself because I didn't know where any of the cops hid. It would be very unpleasant if the sheriff's daughter got a speeding ticket.

There was only 5 minutes left before the bell rang. All of the cars in the parking lot were old and all but a silver Volvo. With my bag hanging on my shoulder I headed to the building. I ignored the stairs I got and went to my locker. I tried it 3 times but it wouldn't open.

"What the fuck?" I whispered angrily.

A chuckle came from beside me. "Nice language," Jacob black said. I looked up to see him towering over me. I dropped my bags and jumped into his arms. He lifted me from the ground for a few seconds. He was very warm. "Hey Bells."

"Hey." I looked him over. Jake had changed since I saw him last. He got big. He had to be at least 6 foot 5. He obviously started working out because I do not remember him being that muscular the last time. His black hair was now short and spiky. "Wow Jake. When did you get hot...ter?"

He laughed." I guess the years have been good to me. May I?" He gestured to my locker.

"Go for it" I handed him the paper with my combo. "Why are you here?" I asked as I started to think clearly. Jake lived in La Push. That was the school he went to. "Your dad paid me to transfer so I could keep an eye on you for a few weeks." He opened my locker. "Of course I would've done it for free." He smiled that stunningly bright smile. I returned it.

"Of course."

I checked out my locker. It had all my text in the top shelf. I glanced at my schedule. I had Reading with Mr. Mason in building 3. I grabbed my binder before throwing my book bag in and shutting the door. Jake was smiling at some paper he had in his massive hands. "Other than second and fifth, we have all our classes together." He grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. It was raining lightly. I leaned into Jake to keep warm. I wonder if he is coming down with something.

We got in the small classroom right before the bell rang. "Cutting it close you two." he said in an annoyed went back to his seat while I walked up to the teachers desk.

"Hi I'm Bella Swan." I gave him the slip all my teachers were supposed to sign. There were whispers coming from my fellow classmates. I had a feeling this would not be my favorite class.

"Aw, yes. We've heard great things about you." he stammered. He probably regretted snapping at the chief's daughter. "You can have a seat besides Jacob since you seem to know him." He handed me two sheets of paper. I carefully walked back to Jake. I would die of embarrassment if I fell. I noticed even though I was in the back most eyes were still on me. I kept my attention on the reading list Mr. Mason gave to me. It was pretty basic: Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Faulkner. I had read everything while I was in Phoenix. This class would be so easy. A piece of paper slid in front of me.

R U OK? - Jake

Yes. Y? - Bella

U seem annoyed - Jake

Maybe u haven't notice ppl staring - Bella

His eyes raced across the perimeter then back to the paper.

oh. R U ok with the pay off? - Jake

I shouldn't be. I mean really what is going to happen to me. I didn't need a freakin babysitter. I did miss Jake so I didn't mind all that much. We had always wanted to go to the same school anyway.

No...How much though? - Bella

50. I needed car parts. - Jake

I had forgotten Jake had become a mechanic. When he was 18 he had planned to buy something bigger and get rich. As good as he was, it wouldn't take long.

No big deal - Bella.

When the bell rang I realized I hadn't paid attention which I was more than ok with. While I was gathering my things I noticed a guy coming my way. He was kind of cute with pail blond hair spiked out on his head. "Hi you're Isabella right?" he asked with a wide smile.

"Bella" I didn't bother faking a smile back.

"Bells you commin?" Jake called over his shoulder.

"Bye Mike." I caught up with Jacob. "Thanks."

He shook his head. "No problem. Just doing what I was paid to. I didn't like the way he was looking at you anyway. He's not someone..."he broke off and stopped walking.

"Jake?" I asked as I looked up at him. He had an intense glare on two pail people leaning against the wall. The guy was very good looking. He had curly dark hair and large muscles like a serious weight lifter. He looked more of a college student then a high schooler. The girl was tiny especially by him. She had black spiky hair. She was beautiful also.

"Jake?" I asked again bringing my attention back to him. He glanced at me then dropped his eyes.

"Stay away from them." I had to resist the urge yell at him. I hated it when people told me what to do. I had enough of that at home, I wouldn't take it here.

"Why?" I asked crossing my arms.

"Because...It's complicated. Just stay away from them," he begged. It seemed really urgent to him so I separated to go to our own classes. I had Government with Jefferson in building six.

Mr. Jefferson's reaction was worse than Mr. Mason's. He gawked at me seeming shocked I was a daughter of a well respected man. Oh well. When he recovered he sent me to an empty desk in the back. I took out my notebook and started drawing fairies. "Those are very good." said a smooth voice beside me. I looked over to see a god. "Hi I'm..."