Standard Disclaimer

Standard Disclaimer

Yeah I should be working on my DearS story but it's been so long that I have to rethink what I wanted to write for it. So instead I'll just let out some pent up emotions in one of these junk chapters. Really should be working on something better but oh well, when ya feel like shit its best not to ruin something.


Pointless Side Stories

Mini-Series of stand alone 1 of ??

Walking down the streets of the city he saved more than once, Shinji Ikari just didn't feel right. His skin was still irritable thanks to the jump into the volcano so save the girl he didn't know was a friend of foe. "She's just so…hard to understand," he mumbled to himself. "They all are," he corrected as his mind wandered to the other women in his life.

People were just strange to him, he tried to connect to them but was to afraid of being hurt. So he kept his distance and watched, waited, and hoped one day somebody would come to him and take the choice away from him. Loneliness haunted him his whole life, it was his constant companion and he hated it. "Asuka, Ayanami, Misato…all of them are just so…" What were they? Different? Strange? Did he love them, like them, hate them, or nothing?

Around him, people moved out of his path or stared at him with a hint of mirth. Why a boy his age was walking alone so early in the morning and mumbling to himself was the question they asked silently. One person however, was watching the boy with a smug grin. This boy had done many things, things thought impossible to the realms outside of human understanding. He had killed angels! The agents of the One God were slaughtered by this boy. It was time to reward him for services he didn't know he was rendering.

With the morning sun warming his skin, Shinji still felt a cold shiver tingle down his spine. Stopping in his tracks, he turned and surveyed the shopping arcade he had absently strolled into. Nobody seemed to be watching him, "Hello?" he called out weakly. An old man gave him a dismissing look then continued to read his paper as he walked to work. Must be my imagination, he thought.

Hands in his pockets, Shinji's pseudo-stalker nodded to himself. "Boy you're about to have a really good life." Anybody that stuck it to the True Enemy as this boy had was deserving of a little present. But how to give it to him without drawing to much undo attention was the tricky thing. "Well I just need to make my move now don't I?" the stalker said then faded out of sight.

There it was again, that prickly chill that came when he knew somebody was talking about him. Shinji had no illusions about himself, he knew he was a small timid boy, and the only reason he received any attention wasn't due to himself as a person but the fact he was a pilot. "My life sucks," he bemoaned.

"Don't be saying that, my boy," an energetic voice called out to Shinji's side. Stepping out of a used book shop was a man with billowing shoulder length blond hair. "What's got you so down so early in this fine morning?" Stepping out into the sun from under the awning, the man adjusted his finely made cream business suit. "Girl trouble?"

Taking a step away from the sudden intrusion, Shinji mumbled quietly and scratched his nose. He didn't think anybody had heard him, and now this foreigner was talking to him. Locking on to the man's pale blue eyes, Shinji felt unsure. "N-no just…well maybe a little." It was true to a point, Shinji was a man and did have longings. He just gave up on the concept long ago. No woman would love him let alone understand him. Living with two objects of carnal desire and working with no less than three more made for a very unfortunate reminder to him. Noticing the man walking closer to him, Shinji unconsciously took another step back.

His smile grew wider, "I knew it, you have the look of somebody that needs a little help in the old relationship department." Not that he was offering help, he was going to give the boy power. However Shinji used it, he didn't care, it was going to be fun to watch though. "Now don't be afraid, son. I won't hurt you." Far from it, in this universe the boy before him was doing fine work. Waving for the timid boy to come in closer, "lets talk for a bit. Name is Louis Cypher in case you were wondering."

That smile, something was just off, but Shinji couldn't turn away from the man. "Cypher-san, I don't want to intrude," he tried to leave but the man had already put a hand on his shoulder and was leading him into the book shop. "I don't really have any troubles, I just…" he couldn't finish. He did have trouble and lying about it wouldn't help.

"Just call me Louis, my boy, just call me Louis," the man said. Leading Shinji past books of forbidden and forgotten knowledge, the being taking the form of man already knew what he planned to give to the boy. While some men wanted power, others money, this boy was wanting something more basic. This boy wanted love. Well Lucifer wasn't a match maker so he'd just give the boy something more fun. "So the great slayer of angels isn't lonely. You just walk around alone on your Sunday's to blow off steam?"

A slight gasp managed to eep out of Shinji's throat. "You know who I am?" Was this a kidnapping? Why else would this man drag him into a secluded place and know who he was? Paranoia had slowly edged into Shinji's life ever since he foolishly admitted his status as a pilot to his classmates. "You're not going to do anything to me are you?"

Letting out a jolly laugh, Louis just shook his head. "You are a skittish one for being the slayer of the True Enemy's agents." Walking behind a glass show case, he pulled the back panel open and knelt down. Scholars, magicians, and philosophers would have killed for just one of the tombs within. Tracing a large black leather bound text with his finger, Louis could feel its power emanating out of it. Taking it into his hands, "No, Shinji, I know of your deeds like many others do. From second hand accounts and reports. I actually wanted to thank you for all your hard work."

His stolen breath was returned to him, and a bashful coloring of his cheeks replaced his earlier fear. "I'm sorry," Shinji apologized. "I just thought that, since you brought me in here and you know who I am…" Never one to think of positive things could randomly happen to him, Shinji had done what was natural to him and expected the worst. Watching as the strange foreigner stood, Shinji noticed the book for the first time. It had the look of age plastered all over it. Cracked leather binding with gold inlaid pages but what mystified Shinji the most was the symbols etched on the cover. It was an ouroboros, a snake eating its own tail, and it was perfectly crafted. "What is that?" he heard himself asking.

Tossing the boy the book, Louis couldn't hold back his delight. Humans could just feel the energies of the world around them, but didn't understand them. "It's my gift to you, Shinji. Use it as you will and have fun with it." Sure it could be dangerous to play with the fabric of this universe, but Lucifer was a demon so what was the harm. "You hold a tomb of magic spells and incantations. With its power I don't think you'll have lady troubles again." None who had ever used the Lexicon had ever been wanting for companionship.

Crafted by one of the first incubus, the Lexicon held within its bindings an infinite number of spells and alchemic creations. Whatever the reader's mind wanted the book would fashion a way to create it. The semi-sentient tomb sensed what the owner wanted and lead them to it. Now it was a gift to the slayer of angels.

Holding the book with outstretched hands, Shinji wanted to laugh. It was a joke! Magic didn't exist, but he'd not offend the man. What was a happy person could quickly change to an angry one if hospitality was denied. "Thank you, Louis-san. Um but I really need to get going now." The smell of the store was starting to overpower him, it reeked of things man shouldn't know. Back peddling out, book clutched to his chest, Shinji couldn't take his eyes off of this Louis person.

Having given such books out before, Louis fully expected Shinji's reaction. "Take care of that Shinji, and of yourself." Waving as the boy rounded the door and took off running, Louis finally let out a raucous chuckle. "When he finally uses that thing he'll never know what hit him." With no reason left to stay, Louis and the whole store faded away leaving the building as hit had been before he used it, an abandoned hair salon. Freeing himself of his human form, six gold wings ripped out of his back, the Morning Star had done his work for the day.


After wandering around town for several more hours, Shinji eventually grew tired of the physical activity and headed home. Still cradling his 'gift' from the strange man, Shinji felt ridiculous. A book on magic? How stupid did that man think Shinji was? Magic wasn't something that really existed, it was just something people blamed ignorance to scientific theory on. Yet here he was sneaking into his apartment with the book, hiding it like a porno magazine. Pushing the door open, book tucked in his armpit, he called out "Anybody home?"

A lazy return echoed from the living room, "That you Shinji?" It was Asuka and by the sounds of it she had been asleep. "Where have you been, idiot, I've been waiting for you to make lunch for the past twenty minutes." Menial labor was beneath the proud German, and that meant Shinji had to pick up the slack.

Kicking his shoes off, Shinji switched the arm he held the book with, shielding it from Asuka's eyes if she even bothered to look at him. "I'll make something in a minute. Any requests?" he asked knowing it would be something complex that would require a great deal of clean up. Sliding his door open, Shinji eyed the book again. The ouroboros almost appeared to shimmer. Hearing Asuka mumbling something, he sighed and chucked the book on his bed. Why can't she be nicer to me, damn it! I do so much for her and still she treats me like shit. And he really couldn't stay angry at her, he'd tried to be mad at her, but one look at her face. That beautiful flawless face and then he'd apologize for whatever he failed to do for her.

"You're not doing anything perverted are you Shinji?" Asuka yelled having not received acknowledgment of his new mission. Getting up from the laying position to sit, Asuka put her feet up on the coffee table. "I said that I want stroganoff ," she said once the bewildered boy walked back into view. As much as she hated to admit it, living with Shinji was pretty sweet. He cooked, cleaned, and whenever she did something stupid she just blamed him and everything worked out.

Keeping his frustrated sigh in check, Shinji swallowed hard and nodded. Exactly what he expected, she just had to ask for one of those complicated western dishes. "Anything else? Misato here to eat too?" He hadn't seen the buxom captain or heard her say anything yet, but when Misato drank she often slept for more than half the day.

Flipping through the channels, Asuka snorted. "Our oh-so-inebriated guardian was called into Nerv by that wack-job of a friend of hers." Ritsuko just gave Asuka the biggest case of inferiority. Not only was the good doctor attractive, but was so much more intelligent than she was that Asuka could never tell if she was being talked down to or not. "So you're just making it for us. And if you have the time some fresh orange juice would be good." He'd have time of course, and if he didn't she'd make him have time. "I can't stand that bottled junk."

If anything Asuka was making Shinji stronger just by her cooking requests. "I'll see if we have any good oranges left." He said in half hearted tones as he walked into the kitchen. Finding all the necessary ingredients, the frustrated boy started cooking. Having become a live in maid, Shinji's body acted on automatic pilot as his mind went over things again. While he wasn't quite the pervert Asuka made him out to be, Shinji did have a normal teenage libido and living with Misato and Asuka was slowly driving him made.

Would he have sex with them if they were willing? Hell yes he would, Misato was something of a crush but Asuka was different. His fantasy regarding the fiery red-head was more complex. He could see Misato in him in a relationship, if he were older or she younger, but Shinji wanted to knock Asuka down a peg. Always commanding him, always bugging him, and never a kind word so his dream was to make that domineering girl bend to his will.

"Like that will ever happen," he said softly as he stirred. He had more of a chance of getting Rei to tap dance than to get respect from Asuka. Ah Rei…another of the sad boys fantasies. So aloof and distant, how Shinji wanted to get to know her better, to make her smile. Plus she had a body that he easily could watch for a long time without getting bored. All of his dream women had killer bodies, and that made for nice mental fodder on the off time he snuck off to the bathroom to alleviate a little tension. "Just wish somebody would be there for me."

Asuka put another notch in Shinji's depression with a yell of, "Get the lead out you idiot! I'm hungry!" Her voice was a definite two on Shinji's scale of one to five of Asuka's anger level.

Banishing his budding fantasy about Asuka offering to help him cook while holding him from behind, Shinji put his full focus on his cooking. Twenty minutes later Asuka's requested dish was complete, five minutes after that the German tossed her plate in the sink telling Shinji to do them, and one minute after that Shinji started cleaning the dishes. After he finished what should have been Asuka's chores, he found her hooking up her game system. "What are you going to play?" he asked as he sat down.

"Hikari is coming over to play one of my fighting games, you are going to your room while she's here," Asuka rattled off as she plugged the cords into the TV's front access panel. Rolling the controllers over to the couch she gave Shinji an icy stare, "I don't want to hear a peep out of you ok?" She wouldn't give her friend the chance to be offended or ogled by her idiot flat mate. That's what she told herself, it sounded nicer than the real truth.

She didn't want Hikari to get any ideas about dating Shinji. Shinji was hers, and after she whipped him into shape would make one hell of a boyfriend.

Grunting bitterly, Shinji got back to his feet and headed into his exile. It didn't take long for the doorbell to ring and the class representative's demure voice to fill the apartment. Mingled laughter and curses were soon the standard song in the tiny apartment as the two friends shared company. All the while Shinji lay on his bed looking at the ceiling. "Maybe I need to start standing up for myself, then Asuka won't be able to push me around anymore."

After an hour of mind searing boredom, the boy finally grabbed the book he got from the odd man. "Better than doing nothing I guess," he sat up and set the book on his lap. Desperate as he might have been, Shinji had no belief that his salvation would be found in the dusty confines of the book. Idly flipping through the well preserved pages, images of erotica mixed with arcane symbols. Some of the glyphs were actually painful to look at. "Wonder why its in Japanese, I thought only the westerners believed this stuff," he mused as he started reading.

Finding no index, no page numbers, but a bevy of chapters, Shinji started to get genuinely intrigued by what he was reading. It was all bullshit, but it was well made bullshit. Some of the more graphic images were starting to cause a nasty tightening of his jeans as well. Details on making love slaves, transformations, elixirs of fertility/infertility, and even summoning ethereal beings were fully listed. Some were simple incantations, some had complex rituals using items Shinji had no idea what they were, and others were like a listing to make a cocktail.

"This is ridiculous," he said as he continued reading. "I can summon the goddess of love…yeah like that will happen." All that ritual needed was a bottle of saki and a television. A short gruff laugh trembled out of him, didn't Misato keep a bottle in the back of the fridge for extreme emergencies? "I can't believe I'm actually considering doing this." He was worse than he thought, hoping something so asinine would work.

"SHINJI!" a yell from the living room permeated the boy's room. "Get out here!" It was Asuka and for whatever reason she was demanding his presence.

Setting the book back down, he put a pencil to mark his page which was detailing how he could enter and alter people's dreams, he walked to the door, stopped, and then put the book under his pillow. He could never be too careful, sure the thing was garbage but if Asuka or Misato happened to see it he would never hear the end of it. "What you need?" he asked once he got to the living room. No reason to expect she called for anything other than to order him around.

Not to disappoint him, Asuka said simply, "Get Hikari and me some ice cream please." The 'please' was added for Hikari's sake, couldn't have the girl going around saying that Asuka was being abusive or cold hearted. "Misato bought some good stuff and hid it in the back of Pen-Pen's freezer."

"Thanks a lot Shinji-kun, I offered to get it but Asuka insisted," Hikari blushed as she trailed off. Why Asuka was so adamant about continuing the gaming session and forcing the boy to make them food wasn't as much of a mystery as Asuka tried to make it sound. Hikari saw the way Asuka looked at the boy, saw a fire in her eyes that was absent when she was approached by the other boys. Either she likes him or likes having him under her thumb.

Expecting worse, Shinji wasn't to upset at the request. "No problem, I was just reading anyway." Receiving a dismissing hand gesture from Asuka, Shinji knew his statement wasn't needed and he headed to the kitchen. Finding Pen-Pen eating the leftover food, he pet the creatures head playfully and earned a 'wark' in return. Dishing out two bowls of pilfered ice cream for the gamers, Shinji returned to the empty living room and felt a burst of panic hit him. They're in my room! They're going to find that stupid book!

He could hear it already 'Shinji the pervert', 'Ero Magician', and countless others. Setting the bowls down, he raced to his room and as he expected found Asuka sitting on his bed with the book on her lap studiously reading it. "Asuka what are you doing in my room!?" he yelled out making Hikari jump in surprise.

"Shinji-kun, we were just interested in…um…what you were reading is all," Hikari recounted as she backed away from the angry boy. It was the first time Hikari had seen any negative emotions show from the usually timid boy and it frightened her. "I told Asuka we should just ask you but she," Hikari gestured to the girl who was still reading.

With how focused Asuka was on the damnable thing, Shinji was already praying for a swift death. "Well Asuka, what do you have to say? Get it out or started or whatever you have planned," he surrendered to fate. Would she hit him first or just go for the insults?

Closing the Lexicon carefully, Asuka set it back down on Shinji's pillow and stood up. Turning from the calming Hikari to the boy, she just shrugged, "Nothing to say but I think your choice in reading is a little bland." Turning back to Hikari, "Lets go eat before the ice cream melts, and if you wanted books on medicine Shinji you can borrow some of mine." Asuka walked out of his room with Hikari in tow, when she read the pages of the book it hadn't been the same as what Shinji saw. Only the owner of the Lexicon and those they wanted to read it could see it, others would see a manual for creating medicinal cures.

Shinji, however, didn't know any of that so he simply stared at the now closed door mystified. "She's not going to kill me?" he was amazed! Grabbing the Lexicon, Shinji sat at his small desk and started reading where Asuka had been. "How to instill lustful thoughts…no way she could have read this and not killed me." Something was strange about this whole thing, but if that were true than maybe…just maybe. His heart starting thumping loudly between his ears, "Maybe it's real?"

Preposterous as it sounded, but maybe something was real about the book. Asuka had read from it and didn't freak out, maybe she skimmed it or didn't read it at all. "Maybe she just looked for a hidden magazine in it or something…" Flipping through the pages again, finding the earmarked love goddess summoning ritual, "Saki and a television?" But with Asuka and Hikari in the living room it wasn't possible to prove how stupid he was by making a big mess in the living room.

Opening Shinji's door, Asuka walked back in and set several books down next to him. "Here if you find that book of your so interesting you'll like these. Got them for some of my college classes back in Germany. They're in Japanese," when Shinji gave her an odd look she added, "It was to help me learn the language stupid." Spinning around, her hair flying out majestically Asuka didn't react to Shinji's slight moan of appreciation. "I'm going to walk Hikari home since its getting late. And since Misato isn't here, I'm taking cloths with me. I'll go to school tomorrow with her, but don't think that means you don't have to make my lunch tomorrow."

With out another word, Asuka left the prone boy mystified by the change in temperament. One moment she's demanding him to cook and ridiculing him, the next she's lending him books. "I'll never figure her out." Going back to his studies, Shinji couldn't rid himself of the shameful sensation of embarrassment. It was now or never to prove how gullible he was. Misato was at Nerv, he heard the door shut meaning Asuka was gone, and he had all he needed.

"Let's go be fucking idiotic," he gathered the book and headed to the kitchen. Right where he saw it last, was Misato's emergence 'Devil Saki' its brown bottle was adorned with tiny red demons drinking from small cups and smiling. Not wanting even Pen-Pen to see him in his moment of pure geekiness, Shinji herded the bird into the sty that passed for Misato's room and returned to the living room. "Ok," book in one hand bottle of booze in the other he read aloud, "All I do is put the bottle under the TV, shut all the window shades, say the incantation, and then she is supposed to appear."

What would happen after the summon was complete, Shinji hadn't the foggiest idea. The book didn't say what the Goddess of Love was or what she would do, it just had the instructions on summoning.

Drawing what few shades the apartment had, he set the bottle under the AV ports and took several steps away from the machine. "I feel so stupid right now," he repeated himself as he thumbed down to the incantation. "Be the spirits of wind, water, and earth I, Ikari Shinji, enter into a pact with she who is of mixed blood, the maker of hearts, and the owner of affection. Come unto me and answer my bidding one of the white and the black, I summon thee Urd!" Shouting out the last word in dramatic flourish, Shinji stood stock still in the silent apartment.

Nothing happened. Nothing answered his call save Pen-Pen warking behind Misato's door trying to get out. "I knew it, she must have seen it and that's why she left." Asuka must not have wanted to make a scene in front of her friend. Tossing the Lexicon back on the couch, Shinji's head sunk, "I knew it wouldn't work. But at least it was fun to try." Having had such an odd time doing the ritual, Shinji did find himself having fun with it. While he doubted he'd pretend to be a magician again it had done well to waste a boring evening. "And at least nobody saw me do that."

"Oh I saw what you did, hun," a voice from the television cooed through the black screen. A brilliant blue light erupted from the television filling the darkened room with its power. At the source of the light a chocolate brown leg emerged from the television, followed by a perfect calf and the start of a black silk Chinese dress, shapely hips and a petite waist, next was the exposed navel from a large cut down the middle of the dress. Shinji paled as he watched figure pull herself through the screen. His breath left him as the woman's scantly clad bust bounced playfully as the woman exited, and when he saw her face he almost fainted. It was perfect in every sense of the word, petit bud like lips, glowing purplish blue eyes, long flowing platinum hair, and two purple tattoos on her forehead.

"Oh my Kami-sama," Shinji moaned as he stood stock still watching the woman that came from the television stand up. She was about Misato's height and a very comparable build but just reeked of sexuality and beauty. "It worked?"

Fluffing her hair and fixing her messed up demoness robes, Urd advanced on her new partner. "Had you called a long time ago it would have been Megami-sama, but I left that line of work after what the True Enemy did to my sister and her husband." Urd could never forgive her father after the horrible treatment of Keiichi and Belldandy. The instant he punished the pair Urd had sided with her mother Hild and the owner of Hell Lucifer. "Now let me get a look at you," she chirped as she took Shinji's hands in hers.

"M-Miss…who are you?" Shinji asked while marveling in how soft her hands were. He could feel himself becoming flush just looking at this woman. How she stood and walked made those orbs of flesh jiggle, her hips swayed hypnotically, and he found himself at her mercy. "You're not angry for what I did are you?" but to die at such hands wouldn't be such a bad thing all things in his life considered.

Hiding her mouth behind her hand, Urd tittered. "Kill you? No, you and me are going to be good friends." Usually the owners of the Lexicon were naked when she was summoned, and they were a lot more foul than this boy. Mentally licking her lips, Urd was very happy with the situation. He's almost the same as Keiichi was, and he's the slayer of Angels too! Get a few spells in him to make him more manly and I think this job will go over fine.

Leading the stunned boy to the couch, Urd helped him sit. "I am, well was, the goddess of love. But that's in the past, I'm the demoness of love now, and the name is Urd." She handed Shinji a business card but it just fell to the ground. "Not used to women talking to you, well that'll change the more you use the Lexicon." Why he was given the book, Urd didn't know, but leaving the front lines of the ethereal war to corrupt innocent angel killers and have years of great sex wasn't something to pass up. "Am I correct in assuming my summoning was the first thing you did with the book?"

Shinji nodded, still to captivated to really speak to the vision before him. He could feel himself pressed painfully against his jeans. "Y-yes." She was still holding his hand so gingerly, and her voice was filled with energy. Oh my god…she's a demon and she's just so attractive! But don't demons steal your soul or something…but if it means I can…with her just once before I die…Being a virgin, Shinji really didn't know what or how sex felt, but he knew he wanted to have it at least once before he died. And with how the angel attacks were going and the hell his life was death did seem rather nice.

Just how she liked them, timid and playable, just like Keiichi was. Well Urd didn't have to step aside this time for her sister, no this time it was all for her. "Well I'll just have to show you how to use it now won't I…the book I mean," she giggled as she watched her new partner cover his throbbing manhood to hide his excitement. "We'll get to that soon enough too, that is if you want to. Seeing how you have the Lexicon I think you're going to be getting good use out of it."

And so was she, but that was a different matter. "Well let's get to basics!" Urd grabbed Shinji's shoulder and pulled him into a light hug before grabbing the Lexicon and opening it to simple things she thought were the best starters. Shinji was all to eager to listen to her teaching.


Yeah I got the basic idea from 'Anime Adventures' but I liked the idea of having an official story for it. Something I can control and write when I don't wanna waste my precious writing days being sick. This chapter was light on the skin, but as you no doubt expect that will change in later installments.

I put it in this 'story' since all of the things here are just fluff and smut so why make a new story when I can just write it here. I'll keep writing chapters for this 'mini-story' for however long I can think of new stupid things to throw at the cast.