Dragonmage27: ...don't ask.

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! or Shaman King or Elvis Presley.

"Tsuna, as boss of the Vongola family, it is your duty to understand the lives of your family members. You should start with your Guardians."

"Huh?"

"Your target today is Hibari Kyouya; tail him for a day and report all your observations and discoveries you found out about your Cloud Guardian."

"HIEE!! But there's school today! Reborn-!"

"Oh, one more thing. Try not to get caught following him, no good Tsuna, for he'll surely bite you to death."

-

Observation Files 001 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Reception Room, Namimori Junior High School

Upon Hibari-san's arrival at school, he has come up to the members of his Disciplinary Committee. He stops talking with the committee about the rotational schedule of hallway patrol when Kusakabe Tetsuya steps into the room after monitoring the school entrance to make sure everyone is dressed in uniform. Here is a conversation recorded from behind the sofa of the Reception Room:

"Kusakabe. Why are you not dressed in uniform?"

Small shuffles of confusion.

"I am sorry Hibari-san. My mother made me trim my hair yesterday."

"I don't care, if your hair is not in position, exactly thirteen inches long and five inches in diameter, following protocol as second-in-command of the Disciplinary Committee by the end of this week, I'll bite you to death."

End of Conversation.

Revelation: Hibari-san has extreme loyalty to the Namimori school dress code and a disturbing strange obsession interest in phallic-looking hairstyles. Is that how Kusakabe-san became the second-in-command?

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Observation Files 002 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Japanese History Classroom, Namimori Junior High School

The classroom is very silent. Hibari-san sits near the back, next to the windows staring outside the window. Despite his lack of attention, Odagiri-sensei does not care. Instead, he stands with his back straight, his voice a low murmur, his eyes flickering left to right avoiding the corner that was occupied by the Disciplinary Committee Leader.

Even the students in this class are very wary of angering Hibari-san. They sit very still, feigning rapt attention towards the teacher, even though neither sensei nor Hibari-san seems to care. Even Takahashi-senpai, captain of the basketball team, and terrorizer of the first years, was very well behaved.

This peaceful setting of a perfect classroom was interrupted when the door suddenly slammed open. In stepped Suzuki-senpai talking loudly to his friend who was in the hallways. He stopped talking as he stared, confused at the quiet, tense atmosphere of the classroom. Just as he spotted Hibari-san in the back slowly getting out of his seat, he took a stumble backwards and crashed into his friend.

"H-hibari-san! Y-you came to class today," stammered the very nervous Suzuki-senpai, as he shoved his friend out the door, trying to remove the obstacle in his escape route.

Hibari-san's eyes flickered to Odagiri-sensei's and ordered him to "continue what you were doing," before he single-handedly lifted Suzuki-senpai by the collar, dragged him into the hallway and slammed him into the wall. Without relinquishing his grip on the senior, Hibari-san swung back his leg to send Suzuki-senpai's friend flying. Pulling out his tonfa, Hibari-san proceeded to dish out his punishment.

The anguished screams and cries of the two seniors echoed through the halls and as the sirens of the ambulance came to pick up the two students, Odagiri-sensei and the students of the classroom visibly flinched.

Revelation: Hibari-san has as much disregard towards teachers as he has patience dealing with those who disrupt discipline. Teachers fear Hibari-san as much as they fear a lower of salary. Classmates of Hibari-san resemble motionless, noiseless mannequins or if not, will soon be relocated at a hospital, beaten into the role of a motionless, noiseless mummy.

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Observation Files 003 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Reception Room, Namimori Junior High School

It is currently lunch time. Hibari-san is sitting on the sofa of the Reception Room, his bento, barely eat, lying on the table. Hibari-san's cellphone rings and Hibari-san shuts off his phone after glancing at the message. After requesting Gokudera-kun to use his dynamite to create a diversion at the other side of the school, here are the 5 not-yet-deleted messages on Hibari-san's cellphone:

-Message from: Kusakabe

9:54 AM

Hibari-san, I messaged you to inform you that there is an important meeting with the school body council today. It is not mandatory if you do not wish to attend.

-Message from: Italian Herbivore

10:18 AM

Hey Kyouya, how are you? You're probably in school at this time right? I arrived to Japan yesterday and I was wondering if you'd like to meet up sometime. We could have more training.

-Message from: Private

10:49 AM

I got the goods you wanted. I've already placed them at the designated location. I will be coming to pick up the money in two days. It was nice doing business with you.

-Message from: Italian Herbivore

11:38 AM

Hey Kyouya, how are you? You didn't reply to my message before so I thought you were in class. I was going to message you sooner, but Romario said you probably did not reply because of class. Are you eating lunch now?

-Message from: Italian Herbivore

12:15 PM

Hey Kyouya, how are you? You didn't reply, so I presumed you were still in class. You're probably eating lunch now right? So do you want to meet up some time? I need you to help me pass on a message to Tsuna.

Revelation: Hibari-san seems to be dabbling in some...suspicious business. I wonder why Dino-san needs to go through Hibari to pass to message...

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Observation Files 004 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Rooftop, Namimori Junior High School

Hibari-san is currently sleeping on the rooftop of the school despite the fact that the bells have already rung. Close to him, Hibari-san has placed a plate of...bird seed?

Hibari-san has been sleeping motionlessly for a few hours. Due to the lack of activity, other than the few times where a small yellow bird has landed eat seed and nibble on Hibari-san's hair, I will now eat the bento Gokudera-kun got me during lunch break. Itadakimasu. HIIEEEEEE, Hibari-san is waking up. I must flee.

Revelation: Classes are not mandatory for Hibari-san. He enjoys resting on the rooftop and has a soft spot for cute yellow birds. He also can hear a whisper from ten feet away while he is sleeping and is scarily conscious of his surroundings immediately after waking up. If I am lucky, Hibari-san cannot see through metal water tanks.

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Observation Files 005 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Alleyway, Namimori

Hibari-san skips the meeting with the student body council and is supposedly retrieving the merchandise from the message in his phone. It is a rectangular shaped package wrapped brown paper. Hibari-san tucks the package under arm and walks out into the fast food restaurant next door. Dressed incognito, I bravely follow Hibari-san inside to see a waitress bow to him holding out a bag with a nervous smile. "Your usual hamburger, Hibari-san."

Hibari-san exits. My stomach growls.

Revelation: It is not mandatory for Hibari-san to attend mandatory school meetings. He also enjoys hamburgers. It is also not mandatory to pay for them either.

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Observation Files 006 – Hibari Kyouya – reported by Sawada Tsuna

Location: Hibari Residence, Namimori

Night has fallen and Hibari-san has gone home, or which I believe is his home.

Beep. Beep. Hibari-san opens the window and puts out another plate of bird seed before clicking on his messaging system.

You have four new messages. Message One:

"Hey Kyouya. How are you? I'm in Japan right now. Are you in school? I just wanted to say-"

Message deleted. Message Two:

"Hey Kyouya. You didn't reply to any of my messages, are you alright? I-"

Message deleted. Message Three:

"Kyouya, are you home right now? You still haven't replied-"

Message deleted. Message Four:

"Kyouya, I'm at your front door-"

Message deleted. You have no new messages.

Hibari-san angrily unplugs his messaging system before turning on some music. It song is English and it sounds familiar. Elvis Presley? Sitting down onto his couch, Hibari carefully rips open the brown package he retrieved. With a triumphant smirk, Hibari-san pulls out... "a special edition Wooden Sword Ryu doujinshi?!"

...Shit.

Revelation: There are no revelations. One cannot write with crushed fingers.

Reported by: Hibari Kyouya

Dragonmage27: poor tuna...