AN: Ok…This story goes out to my friends. We all went to a breaking dawn midnight release party and then back to my house to read. And we started talking about how there are too many ways to say "have sex". So we made up some of our own. I hope you enjoy our stupidity as much as we did. lol.
Disclaimer: What? Yeah I am Stephanie Meyer! I'm just giving my own donation to charity by posting my ideas online instead of making money off of them. I really have you there…No I don't own Twilight.
I lay on Edwards chest with my eyes closed. It was the day after the battle and Renesmee had slept since we'd brought her back to our cottage.
"What are you doing love?" My angel swept some of my hair over my shoulder. One thing I loved about being a vampire, being able to not shower for a week and still smelling flower fresh.
"I'm pretending to sleep" I threw my arm over my eyes, only to have my hand encased in Edward's.
"But Nessie is sleeping and everyone else is hunting…" he trailed off, and I could feel his gaze boring into me.
"So?" I wasn't daft, I knew what he was getting at. I guess it was some strange, weak sort of petulance for all of the times he'd turned me down.
"I want to make love to you." My unnecessary breath caught hearing that, and I almost caved with my vivid mental image of the pout that would now be on his perfect face…but then again I had started to strip and he stopped me.
"I already love you" I turned over pressing my face into his thigh.
"We don't have to make love. We have enough."
"Bella, It's just an expression." I sat up looking deep into his golden eyes
"Fine Edward, I don't want to toss a lamp at you right now." I smiled at his baffled expression.
"Silly Bella" He pulled me closer to him by the top of my arms. I stopped a few inches away from his mouth.
"What? It's just an expression"
"Fine then, Why don't you want to strip the essay"
"Because my windows are shattered" He had the most curious and amused expression on his face. I tried desperately not to smile.
"But you always want to flush my aardvark"
"Not when the sidewalk tickles trees"
"But my stereo is so loud"
"Go fry your own waffle" I turned around and he grabbed me around my waste from behind.
"But my address needs waxing" He said these random words of ridiculousness in an absurdly sexy voice.
"Don't make me paraphrase your kumquat…" I threatened. His eyes widened.
"Not my kumquat!" He whispered bringing both of his hands to cover his…erm…area.
That was the last straw we both collapsed onto the bed in a fit of childlike giggles. I somehow ended up hanging off of the foot of the bed with Edward hugging my knee. We laid there for a minute, wracked with small aftershocks of laughter.
"Momma?" I heard Renesmee's angelic voice call from down the hall.
"What (laugh) sweetie?" I wonder why she didn't just come down the hall and show me.
"What's an aardvark?"
AN: Ok, I'm done totally boring you with my stupidity. I just laughed really hard thinking of this stuff and thought that I might as well share it with the world. So feel free to tell me how sick and twisted my mind is, I can't hear it enough.
PS: If you review Edward will paraphrase his own kumquat…tempting I know.