Story I wrote on a whim. Will forever be a bad attempt at humor one-shot unless I write another chapter. On a whim, of course.

Have fun, and I don't own.

Ulquiorra

Date- We have none, trash. Get over yourself.

Dear Diary,

I met Kurosaki again, otherwise known as the trashy shinigami that just died.

It was insanely funny, I don't know when I'll ever get over that lulz. Not that I would LOL, just too above that, you know what I mean?

Of course you do.

But come on, I was fighting with him today, see? And –omigosh, you won't believe it- he shot this weird thing, I have no idea that it was. Imo, it looked like melted tar or something. Well, anyways, he shot that crap at me (dude, he had this creepy mask on, too. So not cool. I have asthma, come on…) and I tried to block it with one hand, you know? Like I always do, just swoosh and knock it aside, bam, it disintegrates. But then I couldn't do it. I mean, wtf is this? That thing nearly shredded my face! That would have sucked a bit.

So then, then I took my other hand out of my pocket, and I was like, well, this is supposed to work…

And it didn't. And I was even more wtf at him. I mean, come on, I took both hands out of my pockets, BOTH FUCKING HANDS. You know how serious that is? Both hands! Out of my pocket! To block melted tar (or whatever it is). Shit, what the hell, I'm so pissed!

Well, I killed him, but he went and ruined my uniform, laaaame. D:

So, you know, I had to get a new one, and I got it switched with Grimmjow's. T'was also lame. It was huge. I mean, you know how Grimmjow's sleeves are rolled up and come up to his elbows? Well, they were like… regular sleeves for me. And it was all baggy, not awesome like my usual clothes. :(

And he tried to wear mine. I doubt it worked…

Ugh. Both fucking hands.

Gin laughed for ninety seconds. And then he told me all these stories about how he pwned Ichigo without screwing up his clothes. Stfu, dipshit, I have better things to do.

You know what, screw this. I'm going to bed.

Grimmjow

Dear Diary,

Today, I didn't do anything.

But when I woke up, there was this HUUUUUGE spider on the wall D':

It was scary! :( Ulquiorra came in and saw it and just squished it. It made this huge crunching noise and was all icky!!

Ew, ew! I don't want to think about it! It's still on my wall! But it's dead, you know…

And we ran out of waffles. Damn, I love those things, but we ran out! I was so sad, I had to eat nasty toast. Not that I needed to eat in the first place.

But then, Ulquiorra disappeared, and I had to play with that fat loser Yami. He is so fat. I think if he sat on me, I would die.

I don't know…

Sigh

And then he was too stupid to do anything fun so I went to look for Nnoitra but oh yeah! I forgot D:

He was busy beating someone up.

So today was really bad. I wasn't happy. :(

And then later, Ulquiorra stole my jacket and I didn't realize until I tried to wear his. Gin was laughing at me, it was mean ;;