Notes: Just a simple one shot that I had sitting on my hard drive for like forever. I finished it, cleaned it up, that sort of thing. Don't expect any more chapters to this. It's not meant to be more than this. The title of this work of fanfiction was taken from the song Futures by Jimmy Eat World.
Warning: None, really. Femslash?
I, I always could count on futures.
That things would look up, and they look up.
My blood freezes when she looks at me. I'm normally talkative, friendly to a fault but the moment her blue eyes settle on me, I pale considerably and my mouth clicks shut with a snap. The saliva in my mouth dries up and I feel like a fish out of water. One smile cracks the ice in my kneecaps, and I feel like I can't stand on my own.
Lilly Truscott. The one girl I wish I could be.
Okay. So it's a little backward, I'll admit it. I'm Miley Stewart, a.k.a. Hannah Montana, teen pop sensation. I've got money, I've got fame, and I've got enough possessions to fill the Titanic (pre-iceberg incident). But she's got something else.
She's bold. She's brave. She's… out. And I really admire that about her. We haven't been good friends in a few years now, the normal drifting of friends who have no classes together, but it feels like only yesterday that she whispered those life-changing words at a summer sleep over.
"Truth or dare." I challenged, huddled under the blanket. We were in my backyard and the sand shifted between my toes as I waited for a response.
"Um… truth." She responded, averting her eyes.
"Okay. Who do you have a crush on?"
She was silent a few moments, before training her eyes on mine. "You've got to promise that this goes nowhere. Not even to Oliver."
"Not even to Oliver," I promised, fully prepared to gossip over this new boy all night long.
"Swear on your mom."
I bit my lower lip – this was serious, if Lilly felt the need to bring my mom into this.
"I swear, Lils. And you can totally trust me with anything."
"I… it's just… hard to say…" She cleared her throat a few times and cracked her knuckles. "It's…"
When she mumbled the end of her sentence under her breath, I raised my eyebrows, "Say what?"
"It's Sarah." Lilly blushed and hid her face by turning her eyes to the stars.
Minutes passed – I was completely floored. But I found my tongue eventually.
"So… you're… y'know…"
She nodded shakily, "But Miles, you're the first person I've told, and you so can't tell anybody! Ever!"
"I promised on my mom, Lilly. This goes nowhere, you know that."
We managed an exchange of smiles, and I hugged her tightly. "Thanks for trusting me."
That was, what, two years ago. And sometime last year, she came out to everyone. It wasn't loud, but it was clear. I wish I could say that I was there for Lilly's first girl friend, her first break up, but I wasn't. She delved deeper into skateboarding, and I found new friends to fill the time in between. Oliver is kind of like our child – a divorced couple child. He hangs with me on most weeknights, but is at her beck and call on weekends.
I see her now, arm slung casually around some random girl's waist and my nerves jangle unpleasantly. What I used to confuse with nausea I can now successfully diagnose as jealousy.
"Hey, Miles, what's up?" She takes the seat next to mine in the lunch room.
"Not… much, actually." I can barely speak straight, but I take a bite from my sandwich to cover it.
"So I was thinking—"
"Wow!" I joke around my mouthful of crumbs.
She smiles, "Yeah, yeah. I was thinking that we really need to hang out. We haven't had a Miley-Lilly day in too long."
An entire day of Lilly? I'd go crazy!
"Sounds great. When?"
"Tomorrow," she suggests.
"Saturday… I've got a thing at seven, but you're welcome to come with. Y'know, just like old times."
Her eyes light up, "That would be wicked great. I'm so there. So, like eight in the morning?"
I nod, "Totally."
As she walks away, I can't tear my eyes away from her ass. When, I question mentally, when did she get that?
"Tomorrow." I murmur, heart racing already. Tomorrow.
I fling clothes from my closet, sifting through last spring's fashions in a desperate attempt to find something wearable. I'm a mess, I'll admit that. I want her to think of me in a way that would make a nun blush. I want her to notice that I have a nice stomach, nice legs, or even a nice smile would suffice. I want her to notice me the way I notice her.
I have got to stop panicking. Lilly wouldn't care what I was wearing. Unless I was holding a skateboard, I doubt she'd give me a second glance. And I wouldn't be that blatant. Well, a white skirt and a pale blue, low cut blouse will have to do. Nothing that looks out of the ordinary on me, but something more than my usual wear.
I'm checking myself out in the mirror when I hear the fateful knocks on the door. I dash down the stairs, nearly running Daddy over in my hurry, and pull the door open. Eight o'clock sharp, and Lilly's grinning like there is not tomorrow.
"Speedy service." She greets me with a toss of her hand. "Mr. S., how's it hangin'?"
He chuckles that dry chuckle of his and shakes his shoulders, "Could be better, could be worse."
Lilly grabs my hand, "Come on! The beach awaits!"
I tighten my grip on her robust fingers. How would it feel, my secret desires catch flame, to have those fingers creeping along my shoulder, ducking beneath a bra strap to caress my flesh?
"Something wrong? You feel a little warm." Her voice warms my soul even as it sends shivers down my spine.
"I'm… just tired. That's all. This day oughtta reenergize me, though." I respond weakly. She buys it, though.
"So. We so haven't talked in like over a year and a half."
I pull her down into the sand with me, "I miss you."
She traces flowers into the sand with her pinky finger. "You're still my best friend."
"Even after all this time?" My eyebrows raise.
"Especially after all this time."
I grin at her, "Glad to hear I'm not the only one pining away for lost love."
Her grin turns more ferocious, her eyes narrow, "There was never any love lost between us, my darling. They do say that distance makes the heart grow fonder…"
"Lil, if I was anymore fond of you, I think I'd vomit at the cute-osity of it all."
"The cute-osity?" She repeats, tasting the word.
"It's a word. Look it up, genius."
"I've got a skateboard competition on Monday after school. You should come."
I'm a bit startled at the change in conversation – after so long away from Lilly, it's like learning her mannerisms all over again.
"I think I have time. Just hope that Mr. Schmidt doesn't give out three hours of homework." I groan, imagining the large stack of trigonometry papers I might have to do.
"Come on," she prods, "we're two weeks away from graduation. Live a little."
I shrug. "I'm just trying to finish strong. U.C. Santa Cruz could still take its acceptance back."
"Oh come on, Miley. People drop at the end. Like flies. Colleges get that."
"Okay," I give in, "I give in."
She cheers loudly, attracting the attention of every other person on the beach.
"And we so have to hang out this summer. I'll miss you while I'm a Berkley."
"We're not that far away," I argue. "Theoretically, we could party together on weekends."
"Miles, what kind of journalism major would hang out with a future business woman?"
"Um, you with me?" I giggle. Lilly's gotten really into the journalism thing lately. She's even taken to carrying around a pad of paper and a pencil at all times, just incase something worth writing about falls into her lap. Me, on the other hand, I'm just looking to do something to stay close to my dad. Daddy's been a little down since Jackson flew the coop and hasn't looked back. And besides, I'm planning on opening up a music label, so I can find those other one in a million girls with big dreams and big voices.
She tosses her head back and the sun reflects off her shining hair. I tear my eyes off her and stare out at the water. It's been tough to be away from her, and I think it'll be even harder next year with the distance between us growing. I reach over, not using my brain, and grab her hand. She doesn't pull away.
"Lilly, I want to be honest with you."
Lilly pulls my hand onto her lap and begins playing with my fingers. It's very distracting.
"I think… well, I realized… in the past few years that… well…" I somehow can't finish my sentence. It's absurd, I criticize myself. She trusted you way back when she was just figuring things out and now you can't tell her even after you're sure.
"Miles, you know I'm okay with it." She doesn't make eye contact with me, "If that's what you're trying to say."
My shoulders sag slightly, "How'd you know?"
"Puh-lease, Miley. You're talking to someone who perfected the use of the gay-dar. There are some things I just know."
I roll my eyes, "Don't puh-lease me, Lillian Jane Truscott."
"Oh, don't go there Miley Ray Stewart." Lilly shoots back. She wiggles my pinky. "So… got a crush?"
I flush, my face growing hot. "So not ready to talk right now."
"I bet she's hot." Lilly prods. "You'd never fall for an ugly broad like… say, Ashley?"
I shudder, but the tension building in me fades, "You know she and Amber are totally all over each other."
Lilly eases to her feet, "Let's swim."
I'm incredibly grateful that Lilly didn't push it. I'm not quite ready to tell her that she's the only reason I wake up in the morning. But I don't know if it's the fear that she'll reject that keeps my mouth shut, or the fear that she'll accept me and I'll have a real relationship with her. I'm not out. I'm not comfortable being out. I don't know if I could handle it.
The water is ice cold on my bare feet, but I welcome the sensation. Goose bumps trail up my shins as I take a few more steps into the water. Lilly is already completely wet – she dove straight through a wave even before I could dip a toe in. Now she's submerged to her nose and all I can see are her eyes. I can totally tell she's grinning, though, from the way the skin at the corner of her eyes is crinkling. She dunks her head with a small splash and her hands come up over her head, forming a very badly constructed shark fin.
I roll my eyes and go in 'til the water hits my hips. As her hands disappear, I start to worry. It's too late to run for shore – her hands latch onto my ankles and before I know what's happening, I'm underwater watching all my air bubble away. When I hit the surface, she's already yards away, giggling foolishly. I hack a few times, trying to make her feel bad, but she's knows I'm only joking. Rubbing my eyes and drying my nose, I swim towards her.
It's in that moment that it hits me – I have nothing to be afraid about. Lilly accepts me no matter who I am. She loves me all the same. I worry too much about the world and sometimes I just need to sit back and let the world worry about itself. If she dates me – and God, I hope she does – I'll find a way to deal with being out. It's not such a big deal, is it? My career as Hannah Montana is just about over, anyways. I'm getting too old to parade about in a wig as someone else…
I'm not watching where I swim. My head bumps straight into her chest and she squeals, splashing water at me. I blush and back up.
"Miley Stewart! You perve!" Her yells echo over the water and I duck my head.
"Lilly, keep it down!" I hiss. My heart is oddly still; I always thought that I'd be more nervous, more of a wreck if I ever told her. "Lil, I'm ready to talk…"
"That was quick." Her demeanor changes from playful to almost serious in a heartbeat. "Who is she?"
"You." I state it clearly, meeting her gaze with as much strength as I can muster.
A flood of emotions swim behind Lilly's eyes, and I can't decipher her response yet. I can't run away, though. I need to know.
"Well," Lilly finally says, "you've already been to second base with me, so we might as well go to first as well, right?"
"What?" I question; I feel as high as a kite and my head is bouncing from cloud to cloud.
"You've already had your head in my chest, Miles." Lilly cackles.
I shove a bout of water at her – I am so never living that down.
"So…" I begin, trying to pick my words. "Will you, I don't know… I guess, go to dinner with me tomorrow night?"
She wipes the water off of her face and nods, "Of course I will. I'd be crazy to say no to you."
Though there's only about two feet between us, the distance feels so large to me. I reach through the water, placing my hand on her shoulder. We both take a step at the same time, feeling the unstoppable draw between us. I pull her shoulders gently and our lips meet softly at first, and I pull away quickly. Before I can react, she initiates another kiss and I wrap my arms around her neck. Her hands find their way to my chest.
Later, we're up in my closet getting ready for my concert and she's plowing through outfits like a rabid raccoon through rancid garbage. I've already chosen what I'm wearing for the evening, but she's determined to find something for Lola. Although we're about the same size, she can't find anything that fits her the way she wants it to – which is mind boggling. To me, she looks good in anything.
"Miles," she calls from deep within a pile of jeans, "I just have one question before we start this dating escapade."
"Yeah?" I roll the hem of my shirt between my fingers.
"When did you know you liked me?"
My eyebrows arch; it's a hard question. "I guess I've liked you for a while… I don't know exactly when it started, 'cause I think I always have…"
"So this isn't anything new?"
"Um, I guess not…" She throws a pair of jeans and they hit me in the face. I pull them off, indignant. "What was that for??"
"What took you so long to tell me, then?"
"I don't know." I admit. "You should know how hard it is, Lil. Telling someone you like 'em."
"I mean, I guess I should have noticed. I mean, it was as plan as the nose on your face." She chuckles, "But I guess we did grow apart there."
I toss the pants back at her and she sets them aside, walking to my side. She takes my hands, swinging them back and forth.
"And now," she whispers just loud enough for me to hear, "we're growing closer still."
A moment later, we're about as close as we'll ever get.