A Writers Tale

I'm sorry...I wrote this when actually trying to write a chapter for All's Fair in Love and War; one of my Labyrinth stories. It was late at night and suddenly I wasn't aware of what I was writing really...It became this anyway...Enjoy!

Ever wondered how characters feel when messed around in a fan fiction..?

Jareth tapped one knee high boot with the riding crop that seemed to exist only for that purpose. It was a familiar gesture, one many a Goblin was used to seeing; everyone knew it meant that the King was deep in thought. Seated on his odd throne he sighed irritably and glared at a chicken across the room.

"What are you doing?" drawled Jareth in a bored voice, his tone clipped.

The chicken looked up bemused and gave a few clucks in reply.

"I'm not talking to the chicken, I'm talking to you"

The throne room was empty. Apart from the chicken he was alone. Had anyone been watching they would surely think he was mad talking to himself like a lunatic.

"I will not repeat myself" Jareth growled.

The King of the Goblins had finally cracked...

Suddenly growing angry he stood "For God's sake I. Am. Talking. To. You."

Me? You can't talk to the writer, It just isn't done!

"Well I seem to be doing it anyway don't I"

But...but...I'm the author!

"I'm the Goblin King"

Be quiet and let me get on with my story. As I was saying... The Goblin King was...

"Deeply pissed off that this girl is once again writing a Labyrinth Fan Fiction"

Stop it!


You know, this is not what people want to read! They want a decent story where after many trials and hardships you and Sarah end up together and everyone lives happily ever after. That's what makes a good Labyrinth Fan fiction, not you interrupting every second!

"Haven't you written enough Labyrinth Fan Fictions already?"

You can never write enough Labyrinth Fan Fictions...


Jareth stalked angrily over to the window to look out over the Labyrinth, his domain, his Kingdom, his realm, his empire...

"In other words, my home"


Jareth had never been quite the same since that dark haired, green eyed girl had defeated him at his own game all those long years ago. Not a night passed without him longing for her company once more, he could not forget the dance in the crystal ballroom where he had bared his soul and she had turned his world upside down...

The Goblin King snorted with mirth and spun around.

"You've got to be joking!"

For fucks sake what now?

"Language! You'll have to up the rating now"

I was planning it on being an M anyway. What is it you find so amusing Goblin King?

"Oh woe me! I'm a poor little Goblin King pining after a girl who I knew for thirteen hours...plus a little bit where I watched her in the park... I cannot live without her! I will become simply wretched if I do not have Sarah Williams in my bed before the day is out!"

I'm guessing that you're being just a little sarcastic, right?

"How did you know?"

Writer's hunch... Will you please allow me to continue with the story?

The Goblin King crossed his arms like a little spoiled kid.

"Spoiled kid?"

Hush! Or I'll change perspective and talk about Sarah instead! How'd ya like that?

Jareth...Hey wait what are you doing? Jareth pulled out one of his crystal orbs and spoke quickly into the shining glass, an evil grin spreading over his face. What are you doing Goblin King, this is my story, I have control here! Obey me!


Suddenly... What the hell! ... Sarah appeared from nowhere looking more than a little angry, she was wearing flowery pyjamas and looked as if she had just woken up. Sarah get out of here you don't come into the story for a while!

Sarah crossed her arms and glared "What!? You're writing another one?"

Yes I am. I am trying to write a decent fan fiction but someone is messing it up.

Sarah frowned. "How many is it now?"

Not that many, some people have written dozens! I've only done like...four?

"Yes but some people treat us better than you do" put in Jareth grinning.

Do you want me to kill you both? WOULD YOU LIKE TAT?

Jareth sneered "You just made a spelling mistake"

Did not.

"Did. You said would you like tat? Imbecile"


"You have no power over me" Jareth laughed. Sarah shared his laughter.

Sarah smiled lazily and stretched "It's the middle of the night. Just go to sleep and stop writing"

Never! I will finish this story if it kills me!

"What are you going to do?" Jareth yawned "Describe us to death?"

Yes! I will, thank you for the suggestion! The two, Fae and mortal, stood in the Throne Room of the Goblin castle...

"You give strange words capital letters..."

Shut up Jareth! The Goblin king looked the same as he had all those years ago. His eyes were mismatched and icy blue, his hair was like spun gold that spiked messily no matter what happened, his legs were covered by cream breeches that were just a little bit tight and showed his...ahem...

"My what?"

He wore a white silk shirt that was open far more than it should be and a silver pendant hung from a cord around his neck shining dully. His boots came up to his knees giving him a look which suggested he was ready to gallop of on some trusty steed at a moment's notice.

Sarah grinned "That wasn't the best of descriptions and I swear that hyphen isn't meant to be there..."

What else am I supposed to say!? Never mind him let's get on to you Sarah.

Sarah was ruffled as if she had just come from sleep...

"I have just come from sleep"

Her long dark tresses...

"Tresses" Sarah grinned

Her long dark tresses flowed past her shoulders in gentle waves framing her pale face and causing her emerald eyes to...

"To what?"

Her body had of course matured over the years...

"Well duh" Jareth inspected his gloved, bored. Oh yeah I forgot about the gloves! Ah hem...

Her childish figure had now become rounded with womanhood...

"I feel violated!"

Jareth smirked and looked down at her. "Rounded with womanhood hmm??" Sarah blushed furiously.

Hey no sexy time without me saying! Jareth stalked towards Sarah like a predator approaching it's prey, his eyes hungry and blazing in the pale light. Eww no I don't want, not yet! My precious story!

Jareth stroked one gloved finger down a Sarah's cheek smirking as she became redder and redder under his touch and gaze.

Oh Fuck you guys I'm going to bed!

"About bloody time!" Jareth glanced up from Sarah briefly to raise an eyebrow.

I hate you, just you wait I'm going to write at least twenty Labyrinth stories and you will DIE! Hold on...

Suddenly... think you can beat me eh Goblin King? ...A huge... wave of bog water swept into the room narrowly missing Sarah but washing over Jareth with abandon.

"What the..." Jareth smelt very bad and nothing he did would reverse it HA!

"You little..."

Sarah doubled up with laughter trying desperately not to breathe in the stench. Sarah I haven't even started with you!

"You going to bog me too? Not very imaginative!"

Without warning Sarah's breasts just fell off

"What the FUCK?"

It was a shame but they fell off...


Nothing would get them back on again...

"My boobs!"

They just stayed off

"I want my boobs!"

"Darling" drawled a smelly Jareth "I want your boobs"

Sarah stayed boobless

"Give them back!!"

No boobs

"My boobs!"

No boobies


You see you two, my revenge is swift and...excellent.

Jareth gave an extremely seductive look and posed in his super tight pants. Okay Jareth suddenly lost the stench due to him being magical and all that... and being extremely sexy.

"My boobs! Give me back my boobs!"

It's your fault, you shouldn't have rejected Jareth. The film would have been so much better if you two ended up together!


What a pity.

I can't believe I just wrote that... Im a lunatic... Jareth: Yes you are. WHAT! You can't invade here! For fucks sake this isn't funny! Will I never be able to write normal fic again!? Sarah: My boobs!

Jareth: READERS! Now you've read the story be good and review...

I am so so sorry! Forgive me!