A random little one-shot I came up with while watching some boring video in class.
Isn't written about anyone specific, probably isn't even really related to CM but what evs.
Am still working on This is who we are and will hopefully post again in a few days...
Let me know what you think.
You know the rumours, you hear them whisper every time you walk by and you know they assume to worst, everyone did. Working sex crimes was a specialty dedicated to people who understood on a deep level, or that's what they all assumed.
The reality however was something entirely different. What victim would ever want to relive the worst moment of their life every time a girl came in assaulted. What human being would want to hold a little girls hand as a doctor took swabs, forcing her to relieve everything. Who would choose to do that to themself every day knowing exactly how it felt...
You just want to take all their pain away, you want to turn back the clock and be there for them when they cry out for someone to help them, you want to help them forget, but you can't.
You look up to see a new one walk through the door, clothing dishevelled, hair matter, blood and bruises all over, or that's what you assume they looked like... before they went home and showered, before they changed their clothes and tried to get on with their life, only later discovering it wasn't possible to just forget, no matter how hard you tried.
She looks around nervously and you know she is going through the motions, fight or flight, stay or run. You look up and meet her gaze, smiling slightly into those defeated eyes, trying to offer any bit of comfort you can, trying to strengthen her enough to take the few steps to your desk. You let out a sigh as she approaches and you're not sure if its relief or fear that makes you do so.
"I..." She tries to explain, but you know the words are too difficult to get out and she breaks right in front of you, choking out sobs as the heavy tears mar her features. You instinctively put your arms around her as she collapses and you to end up on the floor, holding her to your chest as she clutches at you shirt, holding on for dear life. You stroke her hair lightly as the sobs rack through her, and you, and you pray to god you don't start crying too.
You stay like that until she starts to calm down, placing her head gently on your shoulder like a child. You try to think of something to say, anything that could be remotely comforting or helpful but your throat is dry and you jaw locked. She starts to pull away and you finally remember where you are, and notice all the people watching you, mixed emotions on their faces.
"I'm sorry" she says gently, wiping her face with her sleeve and moving from your embrace.
"It's ok... I understand" the words fly from your mouth before you can stop them and you wish you could take them back. The look on her face as she jumps back says it all, but you know you're in for it anyway.
"You understand, how could you possibly understand?" you know she is screaming and everyone is staring but you can't move. The words pierce your heart and you instinctively flinch as she lets out another scream. Your heart breaks all over again as you look into her eyes, the pain, anger, betrayal all fresh in her bright green orbs and you know that those emotions are somewhere deep in your eyes too. You want to scream back at her, telling her you really do understand but you know you can't because you know she will believe you. She will feel guilty and apologise, and she had nothing to apologise and feel guilty about, how could she know?
You can't tell her the truth, so you lie.
"You're right, I'm sorry" you say the words with as much emotion as possible, but you don't mean it and you hope she doesn't notice. You feel bad for lying but know that it was the right thing to do, this was her time. It was her time to yell, and scream and hurt, her time to grieve, and break and pray to god for the strength to go on. This was her time, and no matter how you felt, you couldn't take that away from her, because you had your time... and you did nothing.