Normally I wouldn't put an author's note up here since it looks ugly. But a short note before you read. Try putting yourself into Amu's shoes when reading.
- + - Fragile Emotions - + -
"And she ran back to that stupid orange head guy again. Can you believe it Amu?"
"No, of course not."
I shook my head at the comment. Some people just didn't know how to appreciate their good fortune at times.
"A bit of flirting would do the trick. Make sure you buy a gift to get her on her good side."
"Thanks for the advice Amu. You are the best friend a guy can get."
"Of course. Why should I not be?"
I grinned but bit back the hurt threatening to flow into my voice. A sharp pain cuts through my heart whenever I hear him say that. Best friend huh?
"Good luck in getting the girl Ikuto!"
He smirked at me before leaving the house to buy his ex-girlfriend a present.
The two were always getting together and breaking up all because of a simple quarrel. It was Utau who gets him. Always. And whenever she dumped him for Kukai who was there to pick up Ikuto? Me. Utau never once saw him cry. I did. But Ikuto fancied her still. I can't deny the fact that she is prettier than me. Not to mention a worldwide famous pop star. And when you compare her to me, which guy in the right mind would choose me over her? No one. That includes Ikuto too.
It doesn't matter anyway. I can't confess. I admit. I'm scared of the outcome. I don't want to break the current relationship I have with Ikuto. I can't. Ah. There is Ikuto.
"Hey Amu, thanks for the advice! It worked."
I will just have to grin and bear with it.
There they are at the ice cream stall buying two chocolate ice cream. Ikuto rejected his one with Utau looking at him in incredulously. He smirked at her and took a lick at hers. She blushed. Who wouldn't? I would definitely. He teased her. She pouted before laughing along with him. Another dull pang shot through my heart. I close my eyes. I didn't want to see them together. It was just another addition to my nightmares.
They seem to have lots of fun.
Somehow, my ice cream didn't melt that fast that day.
But I will endure all of this.
After all, who would pick up Ikuto when he is broken?
"Amu she dumped again! What does she see in that orange hair brat?"
"I don't know. Don't worry, she will come back to you I'm sure."
I lied as I played with his soft hair. His head fits so comfortably on my lap. So warm. I wish that this moment would last forever.
"You sure? She seemed really furious this time round."
"Yeah. I'm sure of it. Who could resist your manly charms?"
"Hmm. You got a good point there."
I smiled inwardly. There, there. Here comes his arrogant self.
"Though you should stop being so arrogant of yourself narcissist."
But even so, the main topic we always discuss about is always about Utau isn't it?
I didn't think that I was an insomniac. It never crossed my mind once. A scene flash through my mind as I thought of what you and Utau where doing now. Probably still nightclubbing? Most likely.
I don't feel any pain in my chest now ever since I gotten used to the dull throbbing of my heart. Day by day you unknowingly stab me through my heart. The wound never healed. It only grew. I could feel the emptiness slowly robbing me of my emotions and strength. How long has it been since I last smiled? I can't remember how to smile now.
I stretched the two ends of my lips upwards and let them go.
Was it supposed to be like that? It seemed so foreign to me.
I took a glance at my appearance that was reflected on the ornate mirror. I look so utterly tired with black bags surrounding my eyes. My skin no longer held the healthy glow it should have.
Where have you disappeared to?
It is just days before your wedding. I was shock honestly. I felt so much grief that it nearly tore me into two. I cried because of you so many times at night. That is how I slept. I just wanted to take out this heart of mine and rip it into pieces. Let this end. I'm tired of all the pain and suffering.
I don't blame you. I can't change your feelings. Even if I could, I wouldn't do it. It just wasn't you. But I would continue living on. I will be here waiting for you with open arms when you break down. Just for you. But when I saw how happy you were with her, I didn't think my existence was needed any longer. I grabbed the nearest knife. I wonder how I was like to cut myself. I heard it gives one release. I was tempted to try but I was always too timid. But now, I don't really care anymore. I needed release. From this depressing emotions. From this world. The cool metal touched my wrist. It bites like cold ice. It was taunting me. Just one slit.
To my utmost horror, you suddenly burst into the kitchen, your arms wrapped around Utau's shoulder.
Both of you stopped and stared in shock. How synchronized. Did you two practice that together? You immediately snatched the glinting knife from me and threw it aside before starting to shout. Utau hugged me. But all I felt was a body clinging to my dead one.
All the time I was staring at you while you scolded me. Did you know you can mesmerize me even though you look so angry? Your low but seductive baritone voice pours over me making me calm down and think rationally. It was surprising to know it can still soothe my twisted soul.
"I was just wondering why people like to cut themselves."
"Did you know you can die from it?! What were you thinking?!"
It brings me great relief to know you still cared about me.
"Right, I will just leave you two alone so that you can spend your time together."
I smirked and winked at both of you before walking upstairs to my bedroom. Yet, all I have been doing in front of you was an act. A fresh wound was added to my injured heart when I saw you two enjoying each other's company. I trudged upstairs and entered my empty bedroom, reminiscing the times we spent together. I glanced at the innocent looking bottle that sat on the top of my cabinet and that instant I knew what I would do.
"Hey Ikuto, is it just me or is Amu being up there for a very long time already?"
The previous scene flashed back into Ikuto's mind. Amu holding the knife looking depressed and worn out. It couldn't be. He immediately rushed up the staircase with Utau just steps behind him. He twisted the doorknob and tried to push it but in would budge. Utau knocked on the door frantically.
"Amu, are you in there? Answer me!"
"Utau stand back."
A heavy kick landed on the door and it broke the lock. The two rushed in frantically looking around the room. There was Amu lying peacefully on the bed, almost too peacefully. The scene would have been calm if not for the fact that she was grasping on a letter and the tell tale sign of the cracked bottle that lay on the wooden parquet floor.
"Utau call the ambulance. Quick!"
His voice ended in a squeaky tone. Ikuto took the paper that Amu was gripping on to and read it.
I'm sorry Ikuto.
I wonder I should just leave it as it is? I can't believe I'm so into writing sad stories lately.
There will be two endings...hopefully. Both as meaningful to me. I think the endings should be up by this week.
Oh yea. I suddenly got attached to Kukai/Utau when I caught a glimspe of the latest manga issued. Kya
You will get what I mean.