This story takes place in New Moon. What if Bella never went to Jacob's what if Edward just decided to come back?
Ya, just an idea I had, and I was bored so I decided to post a story. Also, this story has A lot of little paragraphs from New moon, because it's supposed to be in New moon, so some of the quotes and paragraphs are not mine.
Okay, I really don't know if this is any good at all, so Please Please review, tell me what you think, and if I should continue.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I also don't own some of the quotes and stuff, stephenie meyer does.
Chapter 1: Decision
The sharp, ragged edges of the hole in my chest were already throbbing, so I decided to cheat.
I rarely ever thought of him. I tried not to. Any memories I had of him ripped open my chest, and left me gasping for air. It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges, that continued to throb and bleed, despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air, and my head spun, like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together.
It will be as if I never existed.
They were just words, like print on a page. They lacked the perfect clarity of my hallucinations, but the edges of the hole seared, like it I was being dragged across a serrated edge. I gasped, trying to breath without lungs. I wondered silently how long this could last.
I pressed my face against the pillow. What was the point of trying not to think of him? The huge hole was already hurting. . .
Thinking of that, I played the hallucination I had today over and over in my head. The tears streamed relentlessly down my face, as I closed my eyes, and waited for the nightmare to begin.
The familiar scene played itself in my head. I wandered through the never-ending forest. Like always, there was nothing. Only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy. . . Then, I stopped. Realization hit me as hard as ever. I couldn't remember what I was searching for. There was nothing to search for, and nothing to find. There had never been anything more than just this empty, dreary, wood, and there never would be anything more for me. . . nothing. . . I would never find anything, there was nothing more. . . ever.
I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs.
I hugged my chest, and waited to stop screaming. The door didn't open, Charlie didn't come check on me anymore. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I huddled over in my bed, holding myself together.
I didn't know how long I could survive this. The hole in my chest was worse than ever. I'd thought I had been healing, slowly but surely, over time, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching my sides together and gasping for air.
I wasn't handling alone well.
I also knew I hadn't been fooling Charlie. After Renee had come to take me back to Jacksonville, It was like I had woken up. I had realized I needed to go on with my life, pointless and meaningless as it was.
Since then, I had been trying to convince Charlie I was getting better. I got up every day, went to school, I had perfect grades. I came home, did my homework and made dinner. I only answered a direct question, and I never went out, unless I had too. I was trying as hard as I could, but I knew I wasn't fooling anyone.
I could tell Charlie was worried. Watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason he could see. He could hear me screaming every night. I couldn't control it, hard as I was trying.
I waited for the hole to stop throbbing, and opened my eyes. The light was coming in from the window, so I slowly dragged myself out of bed to get dressed. I dressed in a daze, wishing silently the numbness could come back.
The very instant I had heard his voice, in my first hallucination, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. Everything had gotten sharper. Suddenly, I heard more, and saw everything clearer. I felt emotions. It was like I had been brought back down to earth, and everything was all new to me. I continued to wait for the numbness to find me. It never did.
I finished getting dressed and walked into the bathroom. I flinched when I saw the reflection in the mirror. My face was thin and sallow, pale white except for the dark purple shadows under my eyes from the nightmares. My eyes were dark, they didn't shine, just black against my pallid skin.
I quickly looked away. I brushed through my hair, and hurried down the stairs in my rush to leave. I could only handle so much.
My forehead pressed against my knees, and I wondered silently how long I could survive this.
Since I left Bella, everything has been meaningless. My very existence is meaningless. The whole world was meaningless.
I wondered if I should just go back. The idea was so healing; like the words contained a strong anesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under. The thought made me gasp, made me dizzy.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Bella's perfect, smiling face. Every time, the image of her, wretched my heart out of my chest. I couldn't stand being away from her. The only thing I could ever want is to be with her, to hold her in my arms while she drifted to sleep. To tell her I love her, more than anything else. To see her blush, to see her smile. To hear her perfect, beautiful laugh.
I reminded myself again why I left. To keep her safe. If anything ever happened to her, it would be as if the universe had stopped. As if time had ended. I had to stay away from her, no matter how much pain I had to suffer through. What was my pain, after all, compared to her happiness?
But if I could only see her again. The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home snaked through my mind again.
Just to see her. To check. Check that she's safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there. . .
No. No. No.
I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.
I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.
I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips. No. I can't go back. Bella deserved better than me. I couldn't give her what she needed. She needed someone to be human with her. No. I can't go back.
But if I could just see her happy, I could leave again. No!
"Argh!" I growled, under my breath.
This was unbearable. The pain of being away from Bella was tearing me apart. My hands clenched automatically, as I fought the urge to tear the entire building around me down.
I closed my eyes, and saw Bella's smiling face. The image ripped my heart apart, but I didn't open my eyes. This was the reason I left. She should be able to smile, to be freed from the fear my world had mixed with hers. She should be happy. My hands shook slightly with the thought of not seeing her again.
I couldn't survive this. I knew I would end up going back, just to check. The thought made me shake more, the dizziness coming back. If I was going to go back, why not now? The longing to see Bella again overwhelmed me. I have to go back.
This is tearing me apart. I have to go back.
Slowly I sat up straight, and opened my eyes.
I have to go back. Just to check.
So, what did you think? I probably won't post more until I know it's worth it, cuz i really don't know if it's any good
Please please review, tell me what you think, and if i should keep going.