This story will not explain much of everything. Pick up right before Roxas was leaving the Organization to find Sora. I know there's already so many of these but—I wanna write this to brighten the 8/13 or maybe—darkened it. :D Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any scene of this story that's related with the game.
Warnings: Nothing much, just some slight kissing. Nothing detailed.
Those three words that was never said... that never came out...
Today, everything seems very perfect—so perfect and happy. Roxas felt fulfilled, sitting with a male he loved so much by his side. Even though everything would soon change afterward, Roxas was having no problem at all. He wished time would stop right then and there. He wished everything would come to a halt. He had the power of the keyblade and he's the superior's most trusted member. At least, he could do all he want, right? He could at least stop the time. He could at least express his feelings—he could... No, he couldn't do any of that. Reality always strikes the blond.
Roxas hated reality. It was never pretty and it never supported him. Blue eyes shut close and the blond leaned in closer to the warmth that was sitting behind him, holding him, never letting go. The sky was dark and the night was cold but nothing seems to matter because Roxas was with Axel and everything's fine. The two was together and nothing could go wrong. The half moon shone down on them and Roxas eyed it with his big cerulean eyes as if daring the moon to separate them while at the same time wishing that they would never get separated. He sighed and leaned in closer to the warmth, almost trying to hide from all those worries he had in the world.
Axel watched Roxas closely, digging his nose into Roxas' messy hair and inhaling the familiar scent of his small blond. He loved his blond very much but could never express it. There's nothing he could do. He's a nobody. Nobodies don't have hearts; they don't have feelings and trying to mess around with that fact is just—silly and foolish, as the superior always reminded the Organization's members. Nothing would come out right if he told Roxas of how much he loved him. Love? How could he think that when he didn't have any hearts? They were not supposed to be able to feel anything. They were supposed to act like inanimate objects, just following orders. Then what was his purpose if he's supposed to just follow? What's the meaning?
The air was getting heavier as the two males were lost in their thoughts. "Axel..." Roxas called out shakily, breaking the silence that had been eating them on top of the clock tower of Twilight Town.
Axel tried a grin and answered, "Hey. What's up number thirteen?" He joked.
"Stop that, number eight." Roxas chuckled. Silence filled the air again and the both sighed together. When they realized it, they laughed. "Stop imitating me, Axel."
"You love to accuse me of everything, don't you?" The redhead grinned.
"You love being accused by me," Roxas replied.
Axel face straightened and his arms around Roxas tightened. "Love, huh?"
"Axel," Roxas shook his head. "Don't start."
Roxas took in a deep breath and released it slowly, pulling away from the redhead behind him and shifted to sit beside the male instead. "I'm going to leave tomorrow."
Axel frowned, green eyes watching the blond carefully. "Leave? What?"
"To find my somebody. I need to know."
"What? Are you insane? You're going to leave the Organization?"
"I've... I've made up my mind." Roxas replied silently, unable to look at Axel in the face, scared that tears would start rolling down from his darkened cerulean eyes—terrified that Axel would laugh at him for being so emotional—horrified that Axel would remind him that they didn't have hearts.
"Made up your mind? How long have you been thinking about this? If it's yesterday—"
"It's been forever. Ever since Xemnas explained to me about everything I was supposed to know about the Organization and about this world—ever since I first met you, I've been thinking," Roxas cut Axel short. "I've been thinking, Axel."
"And what? You're leaving the Organization tomorrow? And you're just telling me now?" Axel waited for a response but Roxas remained silent. "Roxas, look at me."
"Ax, look. I really need to know why the keyblade choose me. I need to know the truth. I don't want to be always left in the dark," Roxas reasoned.
"Left in the dark? The keyblade choose you. So? You have these fancy pair of blades to use. It's just a weapon. It—"
"It meant more than that, you know it!" Roxas snapped, jumping up and summoning the keyblades to both of his hands. Axel followed the action and summoned his chakrams.
"You can't leave the Organization, Rox! They'll hunt you down!" I don't want to be the one to be assigned to that mission, Rox. I don't want to—lose you...
"I have to know!" No one would miss me. No one would care. If I leave, everything will be the same for everyone. I was never meant to be anywhere, my existence was never important.
"You've got some screwed up brain, Rox!" Axel lunged to Roxas, holding up the chakrams and attacking Roxas. Roxas blocked using his keyblades and slashed said keyblades to Axel causing a little scratch on Axel's face. A single drop of blood dripped down from the redhead's cheek. Axel backed away, holding his keyblade, still in his fighting stance. He summoned his fire and the whole Twilight Town Clock Tower was surrounded by fire. Pillars of fire started building up causing the temperature in the area to increase considerably.
"You're not serious in fighting me, Axel." Roxas glared, feeling intense sadness from where his heart was supposed to be. He held tight to his keyblades, gripping it as if his life depended on it. Things never went well if Axel summoned his wall of fires since no one could go out or in from that wall.
"If that would change your mind, I'm serious!" Axel shouted and launched his chakrams to Roxas' direction. Roxas swiftly jumped away, spinning the keyblade in his left hand and blocked one chakram out of his way. The other chakram spun around, almost hitting him. Just a mere centimeter from his face, Roxas somersaulted in the air and blocked the chakram with his right keyblade. He bumped to the wall of fire and with a fast kick to the wall; he rushed to Axel, holding out his keyblade while at the same time being careful as not to hurt Axel.
Axel was not a fool in combat so of course he didn't just stand around doing nothing. He got back both of his chakrams almost as quickly and dashed away, heading for Roxas' back, the only opening he could find. Roxas caught, read the move and retaliated but found out it was too late. Axel pushed Roxas to the wall and summoned the pillar of fire, causing Roxas to be pushed up. Luckily, the blond could evade before he was further damaged by Axel's fire. Roxas fell and slide through the ground, panting, crouching on one of his feet. Not wanting to leave any opening, Roxas forced himself back up and dash towards Axel.
Axel seemed to let down. The redhead dropped his weapon. Roxas took that chance, pinned Axel to the wall, and crossed his keyblades near Axel's throat, preventing any way out, holding the keyblades shakily. The blond sobbed and bit his lower lips, eyes glued to the floor. Axel sighed and soon the wall of fire disappeared. The two dropped down to the floor with Roxas on top of Axel. Roxas dismissed his keyblade and continued sobbing, using all his strength to keep Axel pinned down on the floor. "Go to hell, Axel... Go to hell..." I love you...
"I hate you." I love you... Tears kept dropping down endlessly from Roxas' cheek. After a few minutes of silent, Axel suddenly reached out and pulled Roxas down, closing the distance between their lips. It was brief but left the both of them tingling feelings they couldn't describe and the urge of wanting more. Roxas was surprised, his eyes went wide and without saying anything, he hastily summoned a black portal to his side and stepped in, leaving Axel alone on the Clock Tower.
Axel just stared, having no idea what to do. He had never seen Roxas cry before and the first time he saw the blond cry, it was his fault. He attacked the blond and made him cry and he couldn't think of any comfort that he could give. He stood up and kneeled down, forming his fists and slammed them down on the floor causing intense pain to shot up through his ribs.
Roxas took in a deep breath and released it shakily, trying his best to calm himself down, trying his best to ignore everything. If he didn't have a heart—then why was he feeling such pain and these indescribable feelings? Was it imagination? Was it just an illusion? Why's he so messed up every time he's with Axel? Why did everything go so wrong? Tomorrow is August thirteen. The day he was born, the day he was introduced to the Organization, the day he was given his name, the day he was given his number, the day—he met Axel. It's all so ironic. August thirteen. August, eight. Eight was Axel's number and thirteen was his. Eight thirteen. What was that suppose to mean? What was the kiss supposed to mean? The blond didn't even want to think about it.
He stepped to his bed and lay down limply as if all the life had been drained out of him. He was determined. There's no way he's going to back out. There's no way he's going to change his mind but—if only just Axel told him to stay—he would crumble. He would reconsider. Deep down inside, he was grateful that Axel didn't tell him to stay. That Axel didn't say anything that would surprise him. Maybe the redhead just didn't have the same feeling as he. Axel was the one who always reminded him that they didn't have a heart. Of course—there's no way that Axel would have the same feeling as he is. Roxas didn't even know how to articulate "feeling" anymore. Heart, feelings, and the kiss... It's all screwed up.
"Welcome to the Organization!"
"Huh?" Roxas backed away from the redhead that stood tall in front of him with a huge grin. He frowned a little, wondering what the strange man in front of him was up to, wondering if he had gotten into some trouble since it was the first time he's ever been in the castle and Xemnas told him to walk around. He hadn't plan on meeting some strange redhead.
Axel though was enticed by the bright blue that belonged to Roxas. He had never seen such blue before for the long time he's in the organization and besides he loved the blond. He's quite sure that the blond in front of him was no member since he was not wearing the Organization uniform. Roxas looked more like a lost puppy to Axel—a very cute lost puppy which Axel would like to keep for himself. "Are you lost?" Axel smirked. "You can't get lost in the Organization Headquarters, got it memorized? There are very weird people here inside the castle. You'd get killed, buddy. How'd you get here?"
"I uh—" Roxas was uncertain about the choices of words he should pick to answer the taller man. He surely didn't want to offend him and cause trouble. He barely even knew the world and it's just hours ago that he just awoken from what seemed like a very long sleep. He couldn't remember anything and he was suddenly thrust into that castle. "Xemnas told me to look around."
"Xemnas?" Axel cringed and frowned. "Don't tell me you're—Xemnas' new toy?" he sounded slightly disappointed. Xemnas had been bringing a lot of outsiders into the castle ever since he got into a fight with Saix. Axel didn't want someone as cute as the blond to be kept as Xemnas' toy.
"Excuse me?" Roxas' eyes narrowed into slits and he summoned his keyblade.
Axel backed away with a look of amazement. "Keyblade... You must be the one we've been searching for."
"My name's Axel, got it memorized? I'm number eight. And you are?"
"Roxas. I'm Roxas. Number thirteen." The blond smiled and grinned when he sensed no hostility from the redhead.
"Let me show you around."
"Sure," Roxas dismissed his keyblade and followed closely behind Axel.
That was the first smile Axel got from Roxas. The smile stuck in his memories and he couldn't forget in. Said redhead now lay slumped on his bed, over his red fiery blanket with his arms becoming a pillow under his head even though there's a fluffy and comfortable pillow right above him. He didn't know how he should feel. All he knew was that he shouldn't feel at all since again—he didn't have a heart. Why was heart becoming a problem? Why should it hindrance anything? He began to question but in the end he would ran back to his conclusion that he shouldn't feel anything towards Roxas that he shouldn't be thinking about the blond at all. They were best friends. Best friends support each other. No love—definitely not. They're both boys. Boys weren't allowed to love each other even though the Superior really had practice it himself. Every single member in the Organization knew about Xemnas and Saix affair.
"Roxas..." Axel mumbled heavily. The name always sounded so right in his mouth yet at the same time sounded so wrong and always managed to keep him nervous yet happy. Axel felt more and more contradicted the more he spent his time with Roxas. In addition, he had kissed him when he was so determined about the heart that wasn't there. Why didn't he hold himself? Roxas must be hating him so much now. However, the blond was going to go tomorrow anyway... So it doesn't matter, right?
"Hey, Axel. Is you hair really red? Natural?" Roxas asked while licking his sea-salt ice cream. He had just gotten back from his recent mission of eliminating the heartless in Pride Lands. The heartless had been growing restless nowadays and he was spending his time less and less with Axel. That day was one of the rarest days after three months he really got to spend his time with Axel atop the clock tower, eating his favorite ice cream which Axel thought very salty and weird.
"Wanna find out?" Axel smirked, licking his ice cream but made a disgusted face later when he was assaulted by the taste of salt.
Roxas blushed lightly. "Find out what? Erm... How?"
"Ooo, you're thinking of some dirty thoughts, aren't you, Rox?" The redhead teased.
"Well, what did you mean?" Roxas countered.
"Well, maybe you try to find a way to rinse it out and see if it's natural."
"Hmm—I don't really care anyway. You look good."
"You mean handsome, right?" Axel tried.
"What?" Axel pouted.
"Well, girls practically squealed when they saw me in a disguised mission."
"Girls fainted when they saw me." Axel countered.
"I don't believe you." Roxas stuck his tongue out.
"Well," Axel leaned in very close to Roxas. Roxas blushed considerably and tried to back away but found out later that he was already lying flat on the ground with Axel on top of him. "Proof number one, you're blushing when you're very close to me. You must be crazy over me too."
"W-what?" Roxas blushed even more deeply. He blinked a while later. Cerulean eyes met emerald. "What do you mean too?"
Axel's eyes widened and he also blinked, he quickly jumped up and walked away from the edge of the clock tower. "It's nothing," he cleared his throat and stated.
"What do you mean nothing?" Roxas quickly jumped up and approached Axel. "I heard it clearly," he grinned.
"C'mon, let's go buy some more sea-salt ice cream."
Roxas pouted. "Fine. I'm going to force it out of you someday," he said cheerfully.
When the morning came, Roxas snuck out of the castle. He's very sure that every inhabitants of the castle were still asleep since he had put drugs in their food the night before. Axel wasn't drugged though since he and Axel snuck out to the clock tower during dinner. Xemnas would find out soon, he believed, since no one could ever hide anything from the Superior. Soon after, he was out of the castle area. The night was still dark—not because the sun hadn't risen yet but because the World that Never Was was always surrounded by darkness and had never seen the light. The area was only lighted by the neon lamps spread across town. It had been like that since Roxas came into the castle. That world was shrouded by darkness—maybe someday, there would be a day when The World that Never Was seen the light—the natural light from the sky—the sun. However, whenever that time comes, Roxas wouldn't have a chance of seeing it.
The blond walked slowly as if waiting for someone to come after him, resisting the temptation to step back in and he began to question himself whether it would all worth it in the end. Drawing in a deep breath and taking a last look of the castle, he walked away. He eyed the bright red hair he was so familiar about when he was about to walk out of the area. Axel was already waiting there with his arms folded, back leaned against the wall. Roxas walked right pass, not even bothering to spare a single glance to Axel. His face was blanked and empty with no expression at all.
Axel began to panic a bit when Roxas was already three steps away from him but he's not showing his emotions. Just a few more steps and Roxas will be gone. "Your mind's made up?"
Roxas hesitated a bit but hastily replied. "Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."
"You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side, and they'll destroy you!" Axel tried to persuade Roxas from leaving. Please don't go... Stay, Roxas.
Roxas drew in a heavy sigh. He was trying his best to not show any lingering emotions. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and replied, "No one would miss me..." the blond walked away. Would you miss me, Axel? Just—just tell me to stay... But Roxas never heard the words that he hope would come out from Axel's mouth. Not even "stay" or those three simple words that he had longed for... I love you...
It was when Roxas was really gone when realization struck Axel badly. "That's not true... I would..." The redhead said, discouraged beyond belief as if Roxas had taken away his life along together, only those three words that was never said and never came out but was longed for by the two. Axel would miss Roxas. He would think of him every single day until the day he met his lithe blond again. The blond that had made him feel like he had a heart, a feeling that Axel would never forget. Axel would pursue and do anything in order to get those feelings back—in order to find his blond back, to finally be able to say those three words to Roxas. Would those three simple words came out by then? Axel's not sure...
August thirteen, Axel and Roxas met for the first time that day and it was also the day when they're separated. The two that were together once and now were separated, waiting for their next chance to meet again.
I am so very sorry for all the grammatical and tenses changes and mistakes, I'm writing it while I'm playing card games with my family. I know there must be a lot here. I am very sorry but I can't seem to correct myself. But feel free to criticize me and tell me what you think. My first T rated fic. :D