In a flash, one white pokemon was spotted in a grocery store before disappearing again. Witnesses say that it had a black belly, yellow markings all over it, and piercing green eyes. Some people say this is not a pokemon at all, but a robot of some kind that was made by Team Galactic.
But it's real.
The pokemon goes by the name of Arceus, and it is the god of all pokemon since the beginning of pokemon. Mew had made the prototype shape of Kanto with her cat-like paws. Meanwhile, Arceus had made the four greatest regions of all time - Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh (but not the Orange Islands, because he gave that to the Regis.) Many tales have been told about this rare pokemon, but only one was true - even the most powerful pokemon has unanswered questions. Arceus had been through several ice ages, dozens of floods, giant snowstorms in the east, destructive sandstorms in the west, droughts, famines, a lot of destroying the Earth plans, wars, and a few nuclear disasters at the Power Plant, but nothing could stop this legendary of pondering over one simple question.
" I don't know how this Pepsi and this Coca-Cola tastes differently, " Arceus muttered. " They taste the same. "
Giratina pounded her naily paws on the table. " You must be tasting wrong, then ! "
" Yeah, Arceus, how could you not taste the difference ? " Darkrai asked.
" It's very, very simple, " Arceus coolly replied. " I've drank two dozen cans each of this so-called soda, and I have not found one difference other than a couple of staples in that last can of Pepsi. Dr. Pepper, on the other hand, sucks. Who's the lamebrain that decided that Dr. Pepper had to have a lot of carbonated bubbles, and not pepper ?! "
" Uh, the company..." Giratina trailed off.
" Oh. Well...they suck ! "
Giratina moaned. Darkrai shook his head as he massaged his temples. " Hey, Arceus ? Mew says that she's having an affair with Jirachi, and she's thinking of a relationship. Do you think it's right ? "
Arceus rolled his eyes. " Fine ! Let Mew become a lesbian and destroy the entire planet as we know it ! I don't care ! Just make sure that she keeps her pink little paws off of my flippin' brownies ! "
" You sure that's a good idea ? "
" Hell, Darkrai, you're worse than your sister ! " Arceus snapped. " I don't care ! Can't you see I'm trying to solve this mystery ?! "
Darkrai huffed. " Fine, then ! I'll tell her ! "
He stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Giratina sighed. " I think that caffeine has got you a little cranky. "
" Whatever. I have to go back to the store. I ran out of pop. "
The god of all pokemon teleported in a flash. Giratina rolled her eyes. " Sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake when we didn't make Lugia the god... " she muttered.
(Ten minutes later...)
Arceus muttered an obscenity as he threw the Diet Pepsi can in the trash. " No difference at all ! I taste no difference in sugar between regular and diet ! I swear, the company that makes this stuff tells nothing but a bunch of dirty, dirty lies ! "
He opened another can of regular Pepsi and started to chug it down. " Well, at least the humans made something that's useful. "
Two weeks later, Arceus gave up on that mystery and started on another wonder of the world (or, at least, to him.)
Giratina facefaulted. " Good Me ! " she cried. " Is that pink cupcake frosting on the ceiling ?! "
Arceus nodded as he scratched his ears with his hind legs. " Yeah. I've been working on this for two days, and still nothing ! So, I called you over for a reason. A good reason. "
" You're finally going to take me out to dinner for the first time in a month ? "
" Noooo, that will have to wait. How does cupcake frosting get its color ? "
" You have got to be kidding me. "
" No, this has been bugging me into insanity. "
Giratina roared as she yanked the electric oven out of the wall and threw it into the table, knocking every single cupcake onto the ground. " Why the hell do you have a human oven ?! " she demanded.
Arceus crossed his legs in exasperation. " Cupcakes taste better cooked in a human oven, if you don't mind. And you haven't answered my flippin' question. "
" IT'S CALLED FOOD COLORING, NOOB ! "
" Oh. Thank you. "
The ghost legendary screamed as she stormed out of Arceus's cave. He sweatdropped. " What the hell is her problem ? " he muttered to himself.
Meanwhile, Giratina gave a small smile at her friend. " Okay, Groudon. I'm sooo glad you've been single for a while. "
" Naw, just separated, " Groudon said with a small chuckle. " Therapy suggested that me and Kyogre should see other pokemon because we've been at each other's throats about intimacy. "
" Yeah, well, I'm your first date. "
" Good. Better you than Tran or Entei. "
They held each other's paws as they gave each other a small peck on the lips.
Arceus gawked at Kyogre, wide-eyed. " You want me to do what ?! "
Kyogre slapped the water, causing massive waves and getting Arceus sopping wet. " Damn it, therapy says I should see other pokemon because Groudon keeps forgetting to pay rent money ! "
" So, just because I'm the god of all pokemon means I have to be everyone's bitch ? "
MASSIVE WAVE !
" Make me your date, damn it ! "
" But...I'm trying to solve my mysteries. "
" Baseball was made by Americans, stupid. "
" Oh. Okay, let's go to Burger King ! "
Giratina and Groudon stepped inside the Burger King. It was a lively little adaption of the real thing. Furret worked at the counters. Chubby little Starly fed at the tables. Giratina gazed at the gaudy looking green garbage can. " Wow. Who would've thought that a bunch of rhinestones would make a garbage can attractive ? "
Groudon shrugged. " I don't know, but I'm hungry as a Ponyta. "
" Yeah, you have a bottomless stomac- ARCEUS ?! "
She pointed a nail at Arceus, who was with Kyogre. " That slutty whale of a pokemon ! " she fumed. " She knows me and Arceus are a couple ! "
" Yeah, a couple that's been bickering ever since the French Revolution. "
" SHUT THE F--K UP ! "
She threw Groudon into a table that immediately broke under all of that weight and stomped over to where Kyogre was sitting. " Hey, go and sit with your own flippin' boyfriend ! " Giratina hissed.
Kyogre shook her fins. " Look, it's not just the rent money. For the past month, Groudon has been trying to solve stupid mysteries ! "
" Same here ! " Giratina cried. " And it's all over... "
" That he thinks that Pepsi and Coca-Cola taste the same ! " both women legendaries exclaimed.
Kyogre sweatdropped. " Wow. I am so sorry. I didn't know. "
Giratina nodded. " And I'm sorry that I gave Groudon a concussion. "
Groudon turned his head to a Linoone. " Are you my mommy ? "
" He'll be fine, " Kyogre muttered. " Okay. We should be going now. Hope you have better outcomes with Arceus in the future. "
" Hey ! I'm right here ! " Arceus grumbled.
" Trust me, I will. "
Kyogre nodded as she shoved Groudon out the door with a side order of Whoppers. Giratina gave a sly grin at Arceus. " Okay, Mr. Creator of Pokemon. I have a mystery for you that's simple. "
" The grandfather paradox ? " Arceus asked, scratching his ears.
" No. What costs ten dollars and a couple of bouts of affection ? "
" Chicken ? "
T.T " No. Our date. "
" Oh...ohhhhh. "
And so Arceus finished his unsolved mysteries with a Whopper (or several).