Disclaimers: None of the Harry Potter characters or places belongs to me. However, there are some characters that I made up, whom I hope you will come to enjoy. Furthermore, this was based lightly on the beginning of my own holiday. We arrived at an under kept summer camp for Rhodesian Ridgebacks and all of my hopes of a nice holiday (and the opportunity of wearing my new dress) went out of the window. The holiday turned out nice though, so no worries. In my boredom, I started writing this! I had a lot of time to kill, ink to spill, and paper to fill! =D

Onwards with the story stuff…

Warnings: Slash and sex *possibly graphic*. In later chapters: smoking, drinking and bad language.

Summary: Every year, Sirius' family goes to a luxurious mansion for the summer. They sometimes invite some friends along, so it is always fun. However, as they arrived at the supposed mansion, there proved to be a slight problem. There was no mansion! What are they going to do?

Pairing/s: first Sirius/Original Character; Later on Remus/Sirius; Bellatrix/Rodolphus; Severus/Regulus; Lucius/Narcissa; and Lily/James. There's also Peter in this, but I haven't quite thought of if I should pair him up with someone. Oh, also Andromeda/Ted.

Time/Era: This is set in a future time, like…Our time, because I find it easier to write about. At least I won't have to remind myself they might not listen to this or that band back in the 70's and stuff like that. It's also A/U. No wizards!

Authors Note: I was stuck all day with no internet, so I decided to do another chapter. This does contain some footnotes.

As the day went on, Andromeda was dragged into various stores. Narcissa had tried to get her to buy some strappy sandals to go with the dress, but she drew the line at 1 inch heels. Those alone were practically a death-trap!(1) Andromeda was not known for her natural grace...

"Shit! There's Lucius!" Narcissa took her hand and ducked into an alley.

"What the hell are you doing?" Andromeda cussed, straddling her crushed hand.

Her sister looked anxious. "I can't face him now! I acted like a…a…child!"

"Well, glad you finally realised it." Andromeda muttered. "What spurred you on to be so eager to marry anyway?"

"I was thinking last night…I can't live without him, you know. He's been in my life since, well, forever, and just imagining life without him makes me want to commit suicide."

"You're so dramatic."

"Shut up, I'm serious. Imagine if…you really loved someone, you know, and you had seen them eye other girls sometimes and you knew he wouldn't do anything with them, because he has you but maybe, someday, that feeling would go away and he did leave you for one of them…Wouldn't you freak out?"

As usual, Andromeda didn't understand a word of her sisters blabbering. Especially since Narcissa was choking away tears at the same time.

"Seriously, Narcissa, stop being ridiculous. Lucius would never do that to you. You practically own him, anyway."

"Really?"

"Are you blind, or something? He loves you. For fucks' sake, who else would put up with your mood swings?"

"You're such a bitch." Narcissa smiled, and wiped away the tears. "Let's go then!"

"Exactly my point..."

"So, what did you get, lovely ladies?" Sirius grinned charmingly at the two, once they'd arrived at the car.

"Andromeda bought a dress!" Narcissa squealed. "So Ted can finally see the woman inside!"

Andromeda growled and shoved her way inside the car. "I should have left you blubbering by yourself in that alley." She huffed, stuffing away the bag that held the dress.

"Let me see!" Bella commanded. She ripped the bag from behind Andromeda's back and looking inside…"Jesus Christ, you went all out, didn't you? It's even got lace." She showed a chagrin Lucius the dress. "Look at it!"

"Very nice." He grumbled. "Cis, c'mere." Narcissa eagerly took the seat next to him. "Look, I don't know why you suddenly felt the need to tie me down but, if it's because you think I'll leave, then you shouldn't have worried. I'm not leaving, okay?" he kissed her gently on the cheek. "No one keeps me on a short leash like you do."

"Well, now that is all settled, can we please go back to me?!" Sirius roared.

" I've got a Lupin to seduce!"

However, once they arrived at the camp, it seemed that Sirius' problem would have to wait a little longer. Apparently, the infamous Lily Evans had gotten back from her holiday and James was a complete mess.

"So, I waited at her house for three bloody hours and then when she finally got there, she slapped me! EIGHT TIMES!" He whooped. "I've never been so happy!"

Needlessly to say, they were quite worried for his mental stability.

"It happens all the time." Peter reassured them. "The more often she slaps him, the better. He says it's the skin contact that will eventually do her in."

That wasn't very reassuring at all.

"James, what have I told you?" A quiet voice spoke from behind the friends.

"REMUS!" Sirius jumped up immediately. "Oh, how I have missed you today!"

"I'm sure you have." Remus replied, and then turned back to James. "I told you not to speak to her for at least a week. I know you are some kind of masochist, but seriously, her slapping you is not a good thing when you try to snag her. She called me earlier, and told me she would be at the lake for a swim tomorrow. We can go, and you will not speak to her until she comes to sit with us, got that? Then, you will calmly ask her about her holiday- do not ask if she snogged any lads- and then leave it at that if she doesn't offer any other conversation. Take. It. Slow."

James seemed to have stopped paying attention when Remus mentioned she would come by for a swim tomorrow. It must've been the thought of her in a bathing suite.

-The Next Day-

"So, Remus, are you joining us today?" Sirius asked, flexing his muscles. He had taken extra care to look good- even shaved his armpits.(2)

"It would seem so." Remus pointed to his swimming trunks and towel.

"If I wouldn't, Lily would never join us." He added, as a flaming redhead started making her way over.

"Good point." Sirius sighed, raking his hand through his hair.

"Oh, don't tell me, you're James' long lost brother?" was the first thing Lily Evans said.

Sirius looked at her quizzically. "I have absolutely no idea what you mean." He turned to Remus. "Is she always this rude?"

"Remus, who is this snob?" Lily asked, putting her things down on the grass next to Remus'.

"This? This is, err, Sirius Black." A look of realisation crossed Lily's face.

"Oh. Ohhh. Nice, Remus." This confused Sirius even more. What was this all about, anyway? (3)

"Yes, very nice to meet you, Evans. I can totally see why James fancies you." Sirius said sarcastically. "Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going for a swim." He jogged off to join his family.

"Seriously, James, I do not understand why fancy her. She's rude, obnoxious and a redhead."

"Look, just because you fancy the quiet, scrawny type of guy; doesn't mean we all do." James retorted, before staring dreamily at Lily in her black bikini.

"Ouch." Sirius muttered. "Narcissa, shouldn't you be gossiping with her, right now?" He turned to his blonde niece, but she was to busy sucking Lucius' face off to pay attention.

"WHY DOES NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE?!" he screamed, sinking under water.

A hand pulled him back up by his hair. "Did you say something?" Remus asked, a smile on his face.

"No…not really." Sirius stammered. Why did the boy have to be so incredibly pretty?

"So, what'd you think of Lily, then?"

"Well, she's…err…certainly something else." Sirius finished off lamely. It appeared his brain had died. How useful.

"It takes a while to get used to it, yes, but once you get to know her, she's great."

Sirius shot him a sceptical look. "Are you sure about that?"

Remus looked him in the eye. "Absolutely." Sirius could've drowned right then and there, if only the water hadn't been knee-deep.

"Ow!" James howled as Lily kicked him in the shins. "Woman, why must you torture me so!"

"Because you are an arrogant, insulting, belittling arsehole, that's why!"

"What did he do now?" Remus whispered to Peter, who replied quietly: "He told her boobs came out quite nicely in that bikini top and asked her to wear it more often."

Remus winced and looked back at the scene. James was lying on the grass, clutching his leg while Lily was screaming her lungs out.

"This happens all the time, as well." Peter told a shocked Severus. "We keep telling him not to tell her everything that comes up in his mind, but…as you see, to no avail."

"Lily, dear, calm down." Remus took a step forward. Everyone gasped.

"No, Remus, don't do it!" Sirius whisper-screamed frantically. "She'll eat you alive!"

"Lils, remember what we talked about?"

"Oh I remember, Remus! BUT HE KIND OF RUINED MY SELF-CONTROL BY BEING SUCH AN ASS!" Lily laughed hysterically.

"I know, I know. But you are kind of scaring the kids here." The group turned to the right, where another group of small children stood, quivering in fear.

Suddenly, Lily smiled at them, which scared them even more. "Oh, sillies, I'm not mad at you." She cooed. "It's just that this one here…" she kicked the still whimpering James. "was saying very, very rude things about me. You can kick him for me, if you like?"

Slowly, the children approached. "Really?" one boy asked. "Hey, he stole my candy yesterday!" another one piped up. "ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

And thus, James was murdered by a horde of six year olds. But not really, much to Lily's regret.

"Owwww." James moaned, pressing a pack of ice to his right eye. "That stupid kid…I will get back at him and poke him with twigs, see if he likes it!"

"Poor James, defeated by a bunch of children." Bella giggled around her beer bottle.

They were gathered around the fire once again, it was quickly becoming a nightly ritual.

Mr and Mrs Black had gone out for the night, growing sick of cooking for themselves, and leaving the teens to their own devices.(4)

"Oh shut up! I would like to watch you getting kicked around, you won't laugh anymore then!" James muttered darkly. "Bitch."

"Come on, James, you have to admit, it was pretty funny." Peter piped up. "And you did steal that one kids' candy. You know not to touch other kids' candy. Things are bound to get ugly then. Remember when you stole Remus' candy when we were eight?"

James nodded slowly and then winced at the memory. "My arse hurt for days after that! Jesus, Remus, you can give quite the spanking."

"Oh yes, it was one of the best days of my life!" Remus cackled. "You were just lucky my arm was getting tired."

"You spanked James?" Regulus asked, eyes wide with surprise. "I thought he used to bully you?"

"Naw, I totally bossed him around until he found out I was gay." Remus told them casually. "That's when he started to spank me."

"I did not!" James gasped, mock-offended.

"Do you miss spanking him, then?" Sirus asked, wiggling his eyebrows. "You can spank me anytime you want, Remus."

"You are such a perv, Sirius." Remus mumbled, blushing furiously.

"You know you like it."

"Oh yes, I simply love it when you talk dirty to me." Remus replied sarcastically. "It totally turns me on."

"We did not need to know that, mate." Lucius pretended to gag. "That just ruins my appetite."

"But what about that gay porn we watched with my last birthday, Lucius? I thought you enjoyed that?" Regulus sniffled. "You even excused yourself to the bathroom!"

"Yeah, to throw up." Lucius sneered. "Why would I like gay porn when I have the hottest girlfriend ever?" He smiled Narcissa, who was sitting between his legs.

"Oh shush, darling, I don't mind you having gay feelings every once in a while, as long as you don't act on them, I won't hunt you down to bring you to your demise." Narcissa joked, poking Lucius in the chest. "I like how it makes you want to prove your heterosexuality to me. It's very…sexy."

They started making eyes at each other.

"Do you, err, want to be alone, or something?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, our room is totally vacant, now." Bella suggested.

"Go use it. We don't want live porn, thank you very much." Andromeda added.

-The Next Day-

"Had a good sleep?" Ted asked Andromeda, as she stumbled down to the breakfast table. He, James and Peter had taken to joining them for breakfast every morning.

"Not really. Narcissa's moaning kept me up all night." She yawned. "Nothing I'm not used to."

Ted made a face. "Ugh, hearing your sister having sex…"

"It appears to be a big turn on for Lucius to have others hear them enjoying themselves. They once did it at the theatre."

"How does one do that, in those tiny seats?" James wondered aloud.

"Oh, not it, but you know…other..stuff." Andromeda trailed off. "I would give you details, but I don't think you'd appreciate it while you were eating."

James shrugged. "I don't mind."

"No, I didn't think you would, I'm just thinking of other people here. You should try it sometime." Andromeda jabbed playfully.

"Oh, burn!" Regulus crowed.(5)

-Finito-

It was a short one, but I have no excuse for that!

Now, for the footnotes

1 I've been obsessing over Twilight lately, and Bella calling the heels she has to wear death

traps just was too funny not to put it in.

2 I hate guys with hairy armpits. Actually, I just hate hairy everything that is not on one's head.

3 If anyone wants to know what Lily meant here- ask for it in the review. I do not want to spoil it- since you will definitely find out next time- I think…But my Beta suggested that I did explain.

4 The Blacks may be nice, but they are quite irresponsible parents in my vision.

5 I've been watching "That 70's Show" all morning- that is, until the internet decided to die out on me. ( yes, I have issues)

Beta: I liked the chapter though it was short. Very very nice. Definitely better than the last chappie 3 Luicius and Narcissa are sooo sweet!