We do not own Harry Potter. Although we would like to be able to claim Books 1-6 and make money off of them, we would like it to be indisputably known that we would never wish our names to be in any way related to, tied to, or associated with the illogical farce that is entited "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

This is part of the drabble project on the "R.U.I.N.S: Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread over on FictionAlley (more information can be found on our author's profile page).


Who Owns Your Wand Today?

"But then, Potter, Dumbledore as good as gave me the wand!" Voldemort's voice shook with malicious pleasure. "I stole the wand from its last master's tomb! I removed it against its last master's wishes! Its power is mine!"

"You still don't get it, Riddle, do you? Possessing the wand isn't enough! Holding it, using it, doesn't make it really yours. Didn't you listen to Ollivander? The wand chooses the wizard ... the Elder Wand recognised a new master before Dumbledore died, someone who never even laid a hand on it. The new master removed the wand from Dumbledore against his will, never realising exactly what he had done, or that the world's most dangerous wand had given him its allegiance ..."

Voldemort's chest rose and fell rapidly, and Harry could feel the curse coming, feel it building inside the wand pointed at his face.

"The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy."

Blank shock showed in Voldemort's face for a moment, but then it was gone. Someone coughed in the crowd looking on.

"But what does it matter?" he said softly. Even if you are right, Potter, it makes no difference to you and me. You no longer have the phoenix wand: we duel on skill alone ... and after I have killed you, I can attend to Draco Malfoy …"

"But you're too late," said Harry. "You've missed your chance. I got there first. I overpowered Draco weeks ago. I took this wand from him."

"Ahem!" coughed someone in the crowd again.

Harry twitched the hawthorn wand, and he felt the eyes of everyone in the Hall upon it.

"So it all comes down to this, doesn't it?" whispered Harry. "Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does ... I am the true master of the Elder Wand."

"AHEM!" came the interruption once more.

"What is it, Malfoy?" snapped Harry, annoyed that Draco had disrupted the melodramatic scene he'd had going quite nicely with his mortal enemy.

"Uhm," said Draco, nervously speaking from his mother's side, "I wouldn't say that you're the master of the Elder Wand exactly ..."

"W-What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"You say that I became master of the Wand after disarming Dumbledore, right?" questioned Draco.

"That's right," stated Harry, "and a few days ago I disarmed you! Not of the Elder Wand, just your ordinary wand, but even though the Elder Wand was miles away at the time, in Dumbledore's tomb, I still became its master, because Jo needs that brand-new and unheard-of association between wands to hold for all this to work, you see. And because of that ... I AM THE TRUE MASTER OF THE --"

"AHEM!" coughed Draco again. "But, you see Potter ... about a week after I'd fled from the battle at the end of our sixth year, and returned to Malfoy Manor, I ... uhm ... was disarmed myself."

"WHAT?!" shrieked Harry.

"Uhm, yeah," said Draco. "I came across Fenrir Greyback, and tried to put him in his place with a Cruciatius curse (because I tried to stay in character in this book) but ... uhm ... he was too close and punched me out before I could finish the incantation. He took my wand off me ... I had to ask my father to get it back. So FENRIR GREYBACK IS THE TRUE MASTER OF TH --"

"Well, see," mumbled Greyback from underneath Neville Longbottom (who was sitting on him), "Dolohov and me, we were fighting over one of the female prisoners, and --"

"Enough!" shouted Hermione Granger, her brow furrowed with the effort involved in trying to understand Rowling's many new rules of wand lore, none of which could be found within Hogwarts: A History or the previous six books of the series. "We need to study this properly. We need to make a list!"

A red-gold glow burst suddenly crossed the enchanted sky above them, as an edge of dazzling sun appeared over the sill of the nearest window. But no one noticed while Hermione drew more and more people into discussion as she devised a complex diagram of Elder Wand dependences. Death Eater prisoners were Reneverated as each new acquisition of Elder Wand ownership came to light and a new owner had to be questioned in turn.

Harry found himself sitting next to Voldemort as both awaited the outcome of the calculations. He might have considered initiating some small-talk with the dreaded Dark Lord, were it not for the ever-increasing rumbles from Grawp's stomach. The centaurs, initially interested in the debate, finally left the Great Hall in order to graze.

Finally Hermione jumped up and announced her findings. "After exhaustive research we believe that Peter Pettigrew was the last owner of the Elder Wand!"

"That's it?" queried Voldemort, getting back to his feet. "Are you sure about this?"

Hermione nodded in the affirmative, scowling at the Dark Lord's questioning of her academic prowess.

"Then," said Voldemort, "I have something of my own to add to the discussion. It just so happens that I used the Cruciatius curse against Wormtail only last Tuesday! And he dropped his wand while writhing from the pain of the curse! And even though I myself had the Elder Wand, by depriving Wormtail of his wand ... that makes me THE TRUE MASTER OF THE ELDER WAND!!"

"But that's NOT FAIR!" whined Harry, nervously backing away from his arch nemesis. "Jo only invented that rule on the spur of the moment so I could beat you!"

But before Harry could retreat a safe distance from Voldemort, the Dark Lord whipped out his wand and --

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Hermione, "HARRY'S DE --

" -- Hold on for a moment." The bushy haired girl scrambled over to the supine body of the Chosen One and bent down over his chest. "Pupils are fixed and unrepsonsive ... zero heartbeat ... respiration nil ...

"OH MY GOD!!" she screamed. "HARRY'S DEAD! REALLY AND TRULY DEAD THIS TIME!"

And then Voldemort instructed his Death Eaters to kill everybody while he shielded them from any attack, thus getting around Jo's pesky "sacrifical protection like Lily's only different" gimmick, and after that took over the world. All wasn't well.

The End.


Written by: Brad. This is Brad's first posted story, but keep checking back for more of his drabbles!

This story is based on a real-life plot hole from "Deathly Hallows." If you would like more information on this plot hole, or any other plot holes or related problems, please feel free to peruse our "Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread (more details of which are on our author's profile page). Be forewarned that you must be willing to dedicate untold amounts of time to reading through our posts, since there are so many problems in "Deathly Hallows" that we are still finding new ones each and every day. We will not be held responsible for eyestrain, carpal tunnel syndrome, headaches, tears, or any cases of severe depression you might have after reading our thread.