Pairing: LxRaito, LxCake (yes, I'm serious)
Disclaimer: …Do I need to say it?
Warnings: Yaoi, explicit scenes, homosexual themes, lemon, humping, dirty talking, perversion, profanities, molested cakes, etc.
Summary: L wasn't one to back down from challenges, no matter how dangerous or…odd. LxRaito. LxCake
Word Count: 2'578
A/N: I am totally serious.
My friend showed me a picture from 4chan (I think) of L fucking a cake. And it is now, slightly intoxicated with alcohol (and abusing my spellchecker) that I decided to write an explicit drabble about it. A plotless, random explicit drabble written from the hands of a drunken authoress :D PH33R M3!!
Yes, I'm sick. But bleh, I don't care right now. I'm too giggly and inebriated to care about morals of invisible lines, or morals or invisible lines. Plus my rambling and annoying of friends on LJ.
(For example, to my friend Michelle:
Raito's Magic Bus!
THE FACE OF PURE EBIL!!)
"I'm going to the basement."
"To do what?"
"What do you think?"
-- Brian & Lois, Family Guy
L wasn't one to back down from any challenge.
Even when the challenge decided whether he lived or died, even when the challenge was to search for a telepathic killer who was just as intelligent, if not more so, than himself, even if the challenge was issued from his only suspect handcuffed to him who was seven years his junior, but still brilliant (and annoying to match). L was extremely competitive, so no matter how dangerous or trivial the challenge, he would meet it head on.
"I accept Raito-kun's challenge."
Raito, who was sipping his coffee smugly, promptly spluttered on the lukewarm beverage, hurriedly placing the cup on the table and thumped his chest. "W-what?" Sepia eyes wide with disbelief blinked at the unconcerned detective. "I was joking! I don't expect you to do it!"
L stared at his shocked suspect, a finger pressed against his bottom lip. "Why not?"
"Wh…" Raito smacked his palm against his forehead, groaning in despair at being shackled to this crazy, crazy man. "Ryuuzaki. Who in their right mind would fuck a cake? Even if they do like it as much as you do, that is just…just insane! And sick!" He pointed at the insomniac. "Definitely sick!"
L swatted the offending appendage away from him. "Raito-kun doesn't wish for me to accept his challenge, because he would become very aroused by watching me."
Raito also wasn't one to back down from any challenge, no matter how dangerous or trivial it was.
The ex-Kira scowled. "You're on!"
The handcuffs had been removed for this challenge, though placed nearby for L to quickly snatch up and leap into action should Raito try to flee the room. Said suspect was currently sitting in the armchair before the coffee table, arms crossed and frowning stubbornly at the large strawberry sponge cake that Watari had placed there without asking any question (the elderly gentleman had learned long, long ago that asking questions would only serve to traumatize him).
L was, as usual, looking bored with the world.
"Is Raito-kun ready?" L drawled, shuffling before the cake, directly opposite of his suspect. He was, admittedly, intrigued by the idea of one masturbating by the use of a cake, but with how society was nowadays, it probably wasn't that odd if one was to believe the porn sites found on the internet. Though, he was a little confused on how to proceed. Did he get himself aroused before he molested the cake, or during it?
"Now you're just stalling." Raito snapped before making a vague gesture at the detective across him. "Come on then, Ryuuzaki. I'm ready. Now fuck the cake since you love it so much."
L's lips quirked. "Raito-kun is eager." He commented mildly, slim fingers unbuttoning the front of his jeans. "But I need something to get me in the mood. Would Raito-kun like to help with that?"
Raito eyed the insomniac suspiciously, finding himself oddly excited at what was to come. He chalked it up to the fact that L would be humiliating himself shortly. Fucking a cake…only desperate people do that. "Like what? Talking dirty to you? Want me to get some smutty magazines from somewhere? Strip naked? What?"
L stifled a gasp at the sudden mental image of Raito naked, which was odd since he had seen the younger male undress many times but, his impromptu fantasy!Raito was undressing slowly, fingers lingering on perfect skin and legs parting…
The insomniac shook his head as he removed his jeans, tossing them to the side carelessly. "I like the idea of Raito-kun talking dirty to me." He murmured, voice deeper and huskier than usual.
"You would." Raito muttered. His sepia eyes snapped to the older man's slim fingers hooking into the waistband of black boxers, unconsciously holding his breath as the fabric began to slide down pale hips. He swallowed thickly as the first curls of black pubic hair peeked out. "U-uh…" He coughed, mentally slapping himself. "What would you like me to say, specifically?"
L allowed his boxers to slide down his sinewy legs, deftly kicking those away and standing shamelessly half naked before the soon to be molested cake. He ignored the surprised noise from his suspect (whose eyes were riveted to his lower regions) and toyed with the hem of his sweater, debating whether or not to take it off. After a few seconds, he decided to keep it on. "Mmm, anything you wish, Raito." He purred, trying to coax the teen from his sudden stupor. He casually leant forwards, planting his hands either side of his large strawberry cake and licked his lips. "Anything that may…entice me."
Raito blinked when the cake blocked L's…well, very large equipment from view. Jesus Christ, which butcher shop did he steal that salami from!? "A-Anything, huh?" The younger male hesitantly raised his wide sepia eyes from the strawberry sponge cake to the smouldering eyes of the eccentric man, almost gasping at the hungry look in them. "…You look aroused already, and I didn't even do anything!"
"Raito's own aroused look did something." L purred, smirking minutely at the almost invisible blush on his suspect's lightly tanned cheeks. How cute. "He looked ready to jump me."
Raito, realizing that he was already losing his challenge, immediately scoffed. "You wish. I was just taken aback by your…very large penis." His light blush darkened, unable to keep his tone as clinical as he liked.
"Raito likes my very large penis?" L murmured, wide eyes locked onto sepia. He shifted his weight onto his right hand, his left hand's fingers dipping in the strawberry sponge cake's creamy frosting and lifting to his mouth. "And what does he like about my large penis?"
"Urrhn…" Raito moaned as L lapped at the white frosting, the detective's tongue curling round the slim fingers before enclosing the saliva slicked digits into his hot mouth, those obsidian eyes staring at him suggestively. Remembering that he was supposed to be getting L in the mood, the teen ignored the heat building in his groin and focused on his task. "Its size…probably able to get in deep when you're thrusting into a hot, wet body…" He mentally groaned.
Just what was coming out of his mouth!?
"Mmmm…" L moaned wantonly, his fingers sliding from his mouth, dipping into the creamy frosting again. "Yes, thrust deep into a hot body…" Instead of licking the frosting again, the detective's slim, frosted coated fingers enclosed around his half hard cock, pumping slowly. "Hrrnnh…preferably Raito's hot body."
Raito coughed, face burning as he saw L's arm jerk, the cake blocking his view. "M-Mine?" He shook his head. Just go with the flow. Make L fuck the cake. "Right, mine. My hot body arching and writhing under you…" Damn L. As if I'd be uke. "Gasping and moaning for more…" Raito squirmed in his seat as the heat in his groin was becoming rather insistent, as well as the tightening of his trousers. "Legs parting even further…"
Now fully erect, L's fingers slipped reluctantly from the engorged length, slamming down on the table once more and smearing a viscous mix of frosting and precum on the polish wooden surface. "Tell me more, Raito." L ordered huskily, half lidded eyes locked onto aroused sepia as his mind decided on how to do this.
Raito swallowed, feeling extremely flustered and hot, suppressing the urge to tug on his collar in a vain attempt to cool himself off. God his face must be rivalling a tomato by now. "I'd stroke myself off." He blurted, just grabbing the first thing from the top of his head to say. "Pumping myself faster in pace with your wild thrusts."
"Wild thrusts?" L purred drunkenly, gripping the rim of the plate holding the large strawberry sponge cake and dragged it forwards, hissing when the tip of his cock brushed against the almost maddeningly cool cream slathered on the side of the cake. "Nngh…"
"Yes. You rough pervert." Raito murmured, not paying any attention to what was going on anymore, eyes taking in every detail of the insomniac's aroused expression, the flushed cheeks, parted lips and half lidded eyes made him almost groan, fingers twitching towards the buttons of his painfully tight trousers. "You're so rough, wild and demanding…but so big…"
"Hrrhn…!" L moaned at the mental image, hips jerking involuntarily forwards. He yelped when his thick cock pushed into the moist spongy cake, the mix of soft crumbs and slick creamy frosting sliding pleasurably over his engorged length. Gripping the rim of the plate tightly, L drew in a shuddering breath and broke eye contact with his equally aroused suspect as he slowly and rhythmically rolled his hips, thrusting awkwardly into the spongy mass. "More, Raito." He whispered breathlessly.
Oh dear God! He's actually fucking a cake! Raito ogled openly, no longer captivated by bottomless obsidian eyes (to sound like an infatuated high school girl). He had to admit it though, there was something…hot about seeing the normally stoic detective's face contorted in passion, moaning wantonly as those slender hips thrust forwards…No! Bad Raito! Bad! No fantasizing about him and his abnormally large cock!
Raito jerked out of his staring when those wide obsidian eyes opened once more, pinning him down with a lustful glare as those hips jerked faster, the cake beginning to lose its…cake-like shape. "Raito…" L growled pointedly.
Remembering that he was supposed to be L's personal vocal smut book, Raito bit his bottom lip briefly before continuing, digging his fingers into the armchair's arms, groaning when his erection that he had momentarily forgotten about give an impatient throb. "Ngh, yes, sorry, Ryuuzaki." He muttered distractedly, feeling like every muscle in his body tensed. "Inside of me…you're big…" He took a deep breath. He was going to lose his challenge. "Filling me…opening me so…wide…" He couldn't hold on…he needed to…to…
L groaned as he pulled himself out of the semi destroyed cake, his thick cock coated with a sticky solution of sponge, precum and frosting. "Raito." He purred heatedly, shoving the cake out of the way and crawling on the coffee table seductively, narrowed obsidian eyes staring with animalistic lust at his wide eyed suspect. "The cake isn't enough." He prowled forwards on the polished wood, reminding the shocked and aroused ex-Kira of an elegant big cat from the plains of Africa. "I want you."
Raito was barely able to say a word of protest before he was pounced on, ravenous lips capturing his as L practically tore off his shirt and ripped open his trousers, buttons flying everywhere as the insomniac's tongue plunged into his mouth and pale hands roamed his hot body. He squirmed, struggling briefly before giving up and threw his arms around the sinewy shoulders, pulling the slender male closer. "Mmmph!" He tried as well as he could with L's tongue in his mouth.
L growled in response, pulling back to ravish the younger male's neck, nipping and sucking the perfect golden skin. Shuddering at the breathless groan and fingers digging into his back through the thin fabric of his white sweater, L viciously tugged navy blue boxers down his suspect's slim hips, revealing the proudly erect cock amongst dark auburn curls. "Do you want me inside you, Raito?" He growled into Raito's neck, slipping his hands under the teen, fingers still slicked with frosting fingering the puckered entrance.
"Hrrhn…!" Raito tossed his head back, wondering where all this went wrong and if he was enjoying it or not. "Urrh…R-Ryuu…"
"Well?" L pressed, brushing his lips over the rapid pulse of his suspect's jugular. "I want an answer, Raito." He slipped a finger inside the heavenly warmth.
Raito cried out at the intrusion, squirming as he tried to both writhe away from the slicked digit and push himself even further on it. "Nnrrah…!" God he was too hot and L was, L was…! A second finger slipped inside of him, massaging the silken walls and groping deeper and deeper until- "Haa!" Ecstasy recoiled throughout his body. "Yes!"
L smirked. "Good." Slipping his fingers out of the hastily prepared entrance, the detective jostled the whimpering teen, shifting the younger male onto his lap and guided his engorged cock towards the tempting entrance, bulbous glans coated in sponge and frosting rubbing against it before pushing in without warning. "Oooh…! Better…better than cake!" He gasped breathlessly.
"Nghhaa…!" Raito howled, unsure if he was in agonizing pain or intense pleasure as that too big cock pushed inside of him deeper and deeper, feeling like he was going to split or tear or something. "F-fuck! Big…so big…haa…!"
L pushed himself in until he was fully sheathed in that moist heat, panting heavily as Raito continued to squirm and mewl. He stroked the small of Raito's back with one hand, L murmuring into his suspect's neck and nuzzling the sensitive skin. The silken walls were squeezing him almost painfully but, God, it was a wonderful sensation! He didn't know why he didn't try something like this before! "Tight…." He grunted.
Raito moaned, tightening his arms around thin shoulders and leaned his head forwards, burying his face in that soft jungle of silky ebony tresses as his legs wrapped around L's slim waist, the pain beginning to subside. "Hnn…m-move…" He gasped, lifting himself up slightly.
L growled, moving his hands to Raito's hips and shifted as well as his could, thrusting upwards shallowly as Raito pushed down. "Like this?" He purred. "Mmm…Raito feels nice and hot inside."
"Nnngh!" Raito pumped his hips faster, burrowing his face even deeper into the mass of thick black hair. "Feels hot…!"
"Yes, hot." L murmured, thrusting harder into that hot body. "So hot…tight…" L groaned, digging his bitten fingernails into those slender hips, bruising the golden skin as he felt the heat in his groin coil and tighten. "Hrrrhaa! Raito!"
Raito yowled, voice muffled by the insomniac's wild hair as he squirmed at feeling the older man's juices spurt inside of him, the warm fluid filling him. "Nnngrrruh…! R-Ryuu-!" He yowled again, hips spasming as he came between them, semen spattering their hot bodies. "Hnn…ngh…mmm…" Raito sagged against the slighter body, panting heavily.
The two remained on the armchair, awkwardly tangled up as they attempted to catch their breath. Finally, L raised his head, dislodging Raito's face pressed against his wild hair and smirked tiredly at the dazed looking teen. "I won."
Raito blinked fuzzily. "Won what?"
"The challenge." L reminded his suspect. "I 'fucked a cake'. Raito-kun, however, lost his challenge. He was heavily aroused by watching me."
Raito blinked again, before his sepia eyes widened dramatically, the gravity of what they just did hitting him with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. "…oh…fuck…" He whispered slowly, voice oddly uncertain.
L tilted his head. "Raito-kun?"
"…" Raito stared before shaking his head. "I don't know if I should be horrified or satisfied."
Smirking, L stroked his suspect's sides suggestively, leaning forwards. "Perhaps we should give it another go and Raito-kun can decide then?"
Raito opened his mouth to deliver a sharp rejection before pausing, frowning thoughtfully, and then giving L a leery look. "…Alright…but use proper lube instead of strawberry sponge cake." He shifted, wrinkling his nose. "It feels uncomfortable having crumbs up my ass."
L's smirk became downright perverted. "I can get the crumbs out for you, Raito-kun."
Raito quirked a brow. "Is that so? All of them?"
Obsidian eyes glittered with mischievous lust. "Is that a challenge?"
A/N: I am a sick person.
And proud of it :D
Hope y'all enjoyed this!