A/N: Oh, just a tad bit of silliness. I couldn't help myself. The idea just wouldn't leave my head….
"Ahem," Pastor Seymour cleared his throat of a healthy lining of phlegm, spindly old fingers leafing through the pages of his bible. He lifted his eyes to the audience, most of which who were falling asleep in their chairs. "Are we all ready then?"
A few "yeah"s and "mmmm"s were given in response from the wedding goers, but most just continued to snore. They had, after all, been sitting there for two and a half hours while Seymour gathered his bearings.
"And our bride and groom, are they ready?"
"Wazzat?" Rose's head snapped up, blinking rapidly as The Doctor adjusted the bowtie on his suit, trying to appear as if he had not just been snoozing away.
"Yes, ol' chap, I do believe me and the missus are quite ready to begin. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, ROSE?"
"QUITE RIGHT, JOHNNY. WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING PARTY WHO WE WERE SO KIND AS TO INVITE?"
From the folding chairs, much of the audience stirred awake and began to pay attention to the main event. Hems were fiddled with, yawns and stretches aplenty were heard, eyes rubbed, sleeping babies woken and eyes locked on the couple themselves. Finally, things began to get underway.
"Do you, Rose Ella Tyler, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold, through sickness and health, 'till death do you part?"
She smiled "I do."
"And do you," Pastor Seymour paused, squinting at the page where he had written their names. His surly old face wrinkled in confusion "John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith," From somewhere in the sea of folding chairs, an unidentifiable voice shouted "HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO!" and, judging by the following "oof!" Was promptly elbowed by his companion.
"Oh!" The Doctor turned to address the audience "Well, that's wizard, innit? Give me a ring sometime and we'll get together for a duet!"
"Doc-I mean, Johnny." Rose elbowed him unceremoniously in the ribs. "Don't you think we should be getting back to the ceremony now, eh?"
"Right, right. Yes, have, hold, death, sickness, yada yada, etc, etc," He paused "I do. I very much do."
"Then, by the power invested in me by getyourlicensefreeonline!.com, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kissed the bride."
The doctor did so, with much vigor than may have been prudent for such a public situation.
WHENEVER I GO OUT, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT
"There goes Mr. and Mrs. John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith," Mickey sobbed, probably quiet inebriated (though nobody knew for certain) "THE MOST FANTASTIC COUPLE IN THE WORLD."
"Nah nah nah nah nahnahnah…" Jackie mumbled under her breath, gulping down another fluke of champagne. She watched as her daughter, her precious Rosie, got into a limousine with that sorry sod who called himself Doctor. "I'M EXPECTING A BLOODY FOOTBALL TEAM OF GRANDCHILDREN FROM YOU TWO."
She thought she faintly heard Rose shouting "count on it!" back, but was certain it was only the tequila listening for her.
The Doctor, through a series of well-placed connections in the London School System, became a Physics teacher at a local college. He and Rose moved out of Jackie & Pete's place and into their own flat, where the latter would go on to write The Fantastic Adventures of Daisy Taylor and Doctor What?, an international best seller that brought in scads of money for the happy couple.
They bought a cat named TARDIS and had four children: Lulu, Molly, Henry and Capitan Jack (not quite a football team, but Jackie seemed to find Barbershop Quartet pleasing enough) and all lived quite happily ever after.
A/N: If you couldn't have told, this fic is not an entirely serious one. All written in good fun.